Scared of being alone FOREVER

[CandyGirlXO]

I am having a really hard time coping lately. I just try so hard to not think about it but sometimes I can't do that. A lot of times it consumes most of my thoughts. I have a hard time thinking about anything else.

 

I am over my EX, but I am so scared of being alone forever. Everyone keeps telling me that I won't be, but how are they so sure? How do they know? No one ever knows. I could be alone forever, who knows. It just scares me.

 

I will be alone this year, for the holidays, and there is nothing for me to do. I am trying to not let it depress me, and hope that things just get better, but what if they don't?

 

I dont want to be alone, I want to share my life with someone great. I just have this fear that it is never going to happen for me. I thought it would have happened by now. I am trying to accept it, but it is so hard for me to.

[2sure]

Candygirl -

 

I dont care what anyone says, it is natural for us to want a partner or companion. I was lonely for years and didn't always realize it until certain times of year came around.

 

I was beginning to accept the fact that it was possible I was not cut out for a life relationship. I think sometimes people get into this mind set so much that it becomes reality. As much as I thought I was ok, I never stopped trying to envision what life with a partner might be like. By doing that, I kept myself open for love. People say for any goal, you have to have a good visual. I dont know. It seems to have worked for me in this case.

 

I also kept dating. lol. A lot actually. If I knew I wasnt going to fall in love I moved on quickly. I almost settled once , but persevered . I'm married now, and love my husband. I dont know if there is a formula, but I can tell you that for me, dating was like shopping. I'm not afraid to admit it because , again - it is natural to want the right one.

[Isolde]

Candygirl -

 

I dont care what anyone says, it is natural for us to want a partner or companion. I was lonely for years and didn't always realize it until certain times of year came around.

 

I was beginning to accept the fact that it was possible I was not cut out for a life relationship. I think sometimes people get into this mind set so much that it becomes reality. As much as I thought I was ok, I never stopped trying to envision what life with a partner might be like. By doing that, I kept myself open for love. People say for any goal, you have to have a good visual. I dont know. It seems to have worked for me in this case.

 

I also kept dating. lol. A lot actually. If I knew I wasnt going to fall in love I moved on quickly. I almost settled once , but persevered . I'm married now, and love my husband. I dont know if there is a formula, but I can tell you that for me, dating was like shopping. I'm not afraid to admit it because , again - it is natural to want the right one.

 

I love this post. So true. I think my visual is particularly strong and vivid... its caused me alot of grief, but I think getting rid of it would be more depressing than anything else.

[2sure]

Yeah, you know...I wonder if sometimes "visual" is taken to the point of "standards"?? I think they are different. A visual can be honed but is still vague - doesnt include hair color, job description, family background....but does include lifestyle (not necessarilly income either).

 

Standards seem to be a whole other thing. While we should all have them, rise above them, and aim high....standards for some are so rigid. I think when a person will not bend their standards, or has such a sharp image of their mates requirements...they slowly narrow their options....too nothing.

So - Keep the visual, and be open minded. Take heart Candygirl, and dont settle. You can see the number of posters here that are just lonely and not alone.

[BikerBeagle]

Not sure how old you are ...but try being over 40 and feeling that way.

 

Maybe you need to concentrate a little less on "Mr. Right" and start being more willing to accept a "Mr. Right Now"?

[2sure]

Maybe you need to concentrate a little less on "Mr. Right" and start being more willing to accept a "Mr. Right Now"?

 

Possibly the best advice

[trueblue72ny]

I feel the same way about being alone...

[EmperorR]

I feel the same way and I'm only 23, but as I learnt in life when you least expect it.

[Deegee]

I DON'T, and I'm over 40...I just don't buy into that bunk that there's not someone out there for me (or you for that matter).

I don't know where it comes from, I just KNOW, KNOW, KNOW that this won't be the case for me. And I think that (in some capacity) we create our own reality, and I just refuse to believe anything else.

I'm not sure when it'll happen, I just know that it will, but in the meantime (and here's the key...) I truly believe that we need to just keep doing what we were meant to do, and that is, living our lives.

Someday you'll look back, and realize that you were really worried about nothing.....

Good Luck!

[ahhhchooo]

I am terrified of being alone forever. I don't even have any friends right now. Here comes the weekend again.. at least I'll be keeping myself busy moving house. I can finally leave that room with all the negative energy from laying around in bed crying post break up... lol

[CandyGirlXO]

Thanks for the replies and I know that it is not good to think the way I do.

 

Self-fulfilling prophecy I know, but I can't stop my thoughts. I want to believe so bad that I will meet someone, but I have been let down so many times that I can't stand it anymore!

 

I am 26 BTW. But I feel so old and sick of the way things have panned out for me. This is not what I envisioned my life to be like. This is not at all what I thought it would be. I feel so alone in this world.

 

If I knew for sure that there would never be another love for me... then I don't really think I would want to be here anymore. What would be the point?

 

It was a lot easier to find relationships when I was in school, but the older you get the harder it is.

[orangehose]

Candy, I think it's best to live your life as though it doesn't matter whether or not you find a 'love of your life'. I don't think a relationship, or the quest for romantic love, should be the centerpiece of anyone's life; romantic love is sadly too fragile to occupy that place. Focus instead on yourself, or something you'd like to accomplish with your life.

[CommitmentPhobe]

26 is a funny age to not be in a relationship, you're somewhere in no-mans land. Whereas before you were surrounded by people of your own age and able to easily acccess the opposite sex, suddenly that becomes a lot more difficult and you realise the ease of opportunities you once had are gone for good.

 

Adjusting is difficult, but believe me you are far from alone on this one. A huge amount of people have experienced exactly the same thing.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quarter-life_crisis

[Ruby Slippers]

I am 26 BTW. But I feel so old and sick of the way things have panned out for me. This is not what I envisioned my life to be like. This is not at all what I thought it would be. I feel so alone in this world.

I think that very few people end up where they PLANNED to be. "Life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans", right?

 

I feel like I recently really accepted the idea that, when it gets right down to it, I'm all I have in this world. It's not easy, but I am starting to feel OK with it. I think the key for me was just accepting myself as I am, accepting my life as it is, letting go of all the judgments of myself and that debilitating quest for perfection and amazingness all the damn time, realizing that I have accomplished a lot, I'm going to be OK, and I will do good things and find happiness in the future, too.

 

I do think I will meet a great guy for me in the future, but before I can get there, I need to be TRULY OK on my own. My counselor says, "Your life is the cake; the man should be the icing." I've always expected my relationship to be a large part of the cake -- at least one LAYER. I think I have expected too much from my relationships (just like I often expect too much from myself). I'm finding the best ingredients to bake my own yummy cake now. In the future, I will pick out some great icing for it.

[alwayssme]

i know it may sound like a bunch of BS and yes i am young but so are you. Nobody knows what is going to happen to them. I knew people this year who were only 18 and died in a car accident. I'm sure they had no idea they were going to die as they were driving home. Life is so unpredictable. Trust me, for me this has got to be one of the toughest times of my life (which shows i have had a pretty good life so far lol) but I had no idea, I would be at this point. Just a couple of months ago, I was happy with my boyfriend making plans to go on vacation and everything. Then all you know he doesn't even want me to be a part of his life, some of my closest friends became distant...basically i lost people i have known all my life--a life-style i have lived for a pretty long time--and basically it felt like i lost myself. God had other plans for me, and honestly that's fine because I know there are people out there who are struggling to survive and would do ANYTHING to be alive and have our lives. Life is not a garden of flowers but you have to pick yourself up every time you fall. I hope you're feeling better and remember EVERYBODY has fears of things staying messed up for a long time, but only time will tell what the future holds.

[sedgwick]

I'm scared of it too, and I'm 37. My life is good without a partner, though, and I'm trying to realize how lucky I am not to be tied down to a husband and/or kids. I can pretty much do whatever I want, and many people go through their whole lives never being able to say that. Yes, I miss my ex and I'm lonely, but it could be worse...

[cashley]

I think I was MORE alone, while in a bad relationship than I am now...being single.

 

You are young, enjoy life! plenty of time for mr.right to appear.

 

Enjoy these years of freedom!!!

 

Im 10 years older than you and still have HOPE!!

[quankanne]

you beat me to the punch-line, ruby!

 

there's a lot of wisdom to what you've shared, that in order to achieve happiness, one must learn to live with, and love, him/herself.

 

there's a line in "Sabrina," the french magazine editor tells Sabrina that "Alone is just a place to start," because it's where you meet yourself. i.e., you must learn to be comfortable in your own skin before you can truly be comfortable with a mate.

[carhill]

I lived alone for a long time (about as long as the OP is old) and was far happier alone than in a one-sided M. If anyone needs encouragement to be alone and healthy, I'm happy to help

[CandyGirlXO]

I think I was MORE alone, while in a bad relationship than I am now...being single.

 

You are young, enjoy life! plenty of time for mr.right to appear.

 

Enjoy these years of freedom!!!

 

Im 10 years older than you and still have HOPE!!

 

Yes I can definately relate to this one. I was pretty miserable feeling all alone in my relationship. But at least I had someone to hold me at night, which is the hardest time for me.

[CandyGirlXO]

Thanks for the replies, I do realize that this is pretty much petty and I should stop complaining and realize all that I do have.

 

Just hard to do sometimes when it seems like everyone at work is getting married, having babies, and my friends as well. And then there is me.... the single one with barely no family.

 

Thats life!

[flc]

Pretty common for everyone who ends a relationship. I know when I got divorced this crept into my mind. I have kids but they will be on their own soon and who wants to grow old by themselves. But after a while I found I was comfortable being by myself and concentrated on my hobbies and spent time taking care of me.

 

Then I started dating and I found that the time being alone made me a better person and partner. I am enjoying my life and in a relationship I truly enjoy as well. Will it last, who knows, but I am going to have a great time this weekend and the foreseeable future. Life throws all kinds of things at you so spending time worrying about the future only screws up the present.

[quankanne]

I do realize that this is pretty much petty and I should stop complaining and realize all that I do have.

 

I don't know if I'd call it "petty," because it's something all of us go through at some point in our lives ... just know that time tempers those crummy feelings and you learn to appreciate certain aspects of solo time

[Peter_pan]

i'll put money on you finding someone. how much do you want? ive got a £10

 

i got fired from work last night

[quankanne]

sorry to hear about the work situation, Peter ... however, keep your eye out for the silver lining – in your case, I hope it's a job bigger and better than what you've left behind.

 

hugs,

quank