Matt105 Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 I've been dating a girl for 6 months now. Everything's been great. We've had a couple of up's and down's but it was always just petty arguments that ended up with us making up that night or something. We spend pretty much every day together and do everything together. We both work fulltime so our lives are pretty much work and then spend time together doing things or going out, etc.. A week or 2 ago I began to notice that some things about her were really starting to annoy me. The problem is, they are personality traits that at first, I found cute/appealing, but as time has gone by, they are really beginning to irritate me.. We have all the same interests, but sometimes, she is a little slow. It will take her awhile to get jokes. Stuff like that. When we watch the news or shows, I end up having to explain a lot of things to her. And it can get quite frustrating trying to watch a movie but having to explain an entire scene that just took place because she "doesn't get it" Today, we met at my place on our lunchbreaks and when we were brushing, she started asking questions about flossing and when I told her "flossing just gets rid of the gunk between your gums and your teeth" she looked at me point blank and said "what do you mean?" In my head, I was yelling WTF do you think I mean?? I mean exactly what I said!! That's the main issue I suppose. It doesn't help that she never wants to go out and do stuff. She always wants to stay at home. Are these signs that I might have to start thinking about breaking up? We love each other very much and I do still love her. I love how she makes me feel and I love how I can put a smile on her face with one word or one grazing handstroke on her back. But.. I feel like my annoyance is just going to continue to build. And I definitely can't confront her about it. How do you tell someone to "get smarter/quicker" ? You can't
2sure Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 Its been 6 months and her personality or intelligence level bug you. It isn't going to improve and your irritation will increase. Extricate. What age group are you?
me4u2 Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 That sort of thing isn't something you can fix. You can either overlook it based on the other positive qualities or move on. If someone isn't "getting it" it's pretty hard to "get it" with them. I'm thinking of all kinds of ways this would interfere long term. I don't know, you're going to have to really sit down and think to yourself if this is truly something that is bugging you or if this is something in addition to another thing that already has you wondering. Personally for me, I would think that would make for all kinds of communication issues, day to day, flirting, joking, bedroom, you already mentioned explaining movies, flossing, etc. I think it's only going to get worse.
Author Matt105 Posted November 6, 2008 Author Posted November 6, 2008 le sigh. We're both 22. I'm going to see how it plays out for the next month or so. I'll try to remain level-headed and see things from her point of view. We're going on a nice walk tonight after work so that should be pretty fun I really thought this girl was "the one" I guess.. I want to make it work. But I will admit that I don't think you should ever have to "make it work" .. it should just .. work.
Geishawhelk Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 le sigh. We're both 22. ..... I want to make it work. But I will admit that I don't think you should ever have to "make it work" .. it should just .. work. You're kidding, right....? Have you any idea just how much 'work' relationships take - ?! Every relationship you're in takes Effort, Commitment and Communication, in addition to Trust and Respect. One of these, for you is missing. Let's put it bluntly, shall we? You think she's thick. Those endearing little traits of innocence and naivete, are actually (in your eyes) a sign of not being as intelligent or intellectual as you are. Which, black-on-white, look a little condescending and superior, but - in actual fact - in all honesty - are a barrier. If it were merely an 'intelligence' that could be rectified by education, maybe that wouldn't be so problematic. But what I think we might have here, is a young lady who simply operates on a different mental plateau. And that's OK. That's not a criticism. That's just the way she is. We can't all be Da Vincis, Einsteins or Mozarts..... It takes all kinds to make a world, thank goodness! But she's not "with" you..... is she? And I think that's what's worrying you. Unless she can change - and unless she wants to change - and unless she even feels she needs to change - and unless the suggestion of change doesn't make her feel like a total dunderhead - You're stuck with a decision, my friend....
Trialbyfire Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 If intelligence and knowledge (yes, there's a major difference between the two) are important to you, then you're dating the wrong girl. You cannot change intelligence but you can improve on knowledge. One thing I have noticed is that the more intelligent the person, the more natural curiosity of how things work as related to cause and effect.
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