lurker219 Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 [sIZE=3]A little back ground first...Started off with this young lady who advised she wanted to date in July. Later in the summer, we had an argument in which she mentioned I was just a piece of dyck or a fkcu buddy. In my mind, I stuck with that and didn't care for more than hanging out and what not. Flash forward a couple months, she asks for more and wants me in her childs life. I tell her we're good where we are. she tries this angle again and I tell her we need to stop as is. Flash forward a couple more weeks. We had unprotected sex two weeks ago a week after her first period in nearly a year( she has irregular periods). A few days ago, a full week before her period was due, she calls and says she's pregnant. She then says she took two year old tests that said yes. She took a cheaper new test that said no...I picked up a new test that said what appears to be no. It's a + or - test. I couldn't see a +. I could see where it should be. I ask why not wait until her period is due and test then. She then says she has an appointment to get: 1.ultrasound 2.blood test I would think a blood test comes first. when I question her on this she kind of pulls back. Today, she can't raise a child by herself. I told her if she's pregnant and it's mine, I will commit myself to the child(being there for the child financial etc)but I couldn't commit to her and a relationship. She calls today and says that I should try to live with her for 1 year and see if it works(assuming a child is born)if not, she will have to get an abortion. I tell her the truth, I can’t make a promise to try and basically fall in love with her and move in. Obviously, I’m not too old fashioned but moving in is next to getting married. The last person I moved in with took 3 years of dating to get to the point and we were married shortly afterwards. She then counters with trying to make it work for 6 months and if we can’t adoption. I've talked to 5 women without telling them the last part and they think she's playing a game or demented and trying to wish herself pregnant. A good friend of mine thinks that when she figures out I'm not getting into a relationship with her, suddenly, she will have a period(which isn't supposed to start until next week, a miscarriage or something else along those lines) She claims to be going for a blood test soon. I wish I could have access to the results. No home test taken in my presence has come up + My question...Based on what's here.. has anyone heard of someone acting like this. This sounds totally crazy to me. [/sIZE][FONT=Arial][sIZE=2][FONT=Arial][sIZE=2][/sIZE][/FONT][/sIZE][/FONT]
CommitmentPhobe Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 Stop having unprotected sex Stop having unprotected sex Stop having unprotected sex Stop having unprotected sex
SoleMate Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 I don't know if she's demented, but I do know there is NO EVIDENCE of a pregnancy and lots of evidence that she is either clueless or deliberately misleading you. NO DOCTOR will schedule an U/S for a woman who has not even missed a period. I'm thinking...maybe no more unsafe sex with this one?? Or maybe no more sex with her, "period"? She is high risk for lying about or sabotaging any birth control attempted, IMO. Last thought....a woman who calls you a "piece of d**k" may not respect you.
CaliGuy Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 Stop having unprotected sex Stop having unprotected sex Stop having unprotected sex Stop having unprotected sex Yep. This and well, you'll know for sure in 9 months....
Ronni_W Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 I agree with the other posters. Also, insist that you will do the "gentlemanly thing" by accompanying her when she goes for the ultrasound and blood test. She calls today and says that I should try to live with her for 1 year and see if it works (assuming a child is born) if not, she will have to get an abortion. Let's see if I got this straight. According to her plan...she is going to have the baby (if she is pregnant.) THEN you will try to live with her for 1 year. And if that doesn't work, THEN she will get an abortion. Er...what is she going to be aborting at that time? Or, did she mean it as a threat...that if you won't agree to the "trial living together thing" now, then she will get an abortion now (if she is pregnant)? Don't like to caution it but, in any event, it might be in your best interest to have a paternity test done if/when any baby is born. In this current phase of her life, stability doesn't sound like her strong suit. Hopefully that will change soon, though, cos it sounds like she already has a kid -- where she said that she wants you in her child's life, sounds like an already-born one.
DealingWDrama Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 First of all, a blood test will confirm a positive pregnancy within 3 days of conception. Second, if she has irregular periods that means she ovulates at odd times and could very well be pregnant - you can't go by the dates of periods... give this a little time. Don't make any rash committments...you need to know if there is a child before you can even decide as to whether or not she wants to have an abortion or give a child up for adoption. If she is prone to tubal pregnancies or has a history of them, then yes an unltrasound would be performed...also depending on the form of birth control she has used in the present or past could cause tubal pregnancies...give this a few weeks...be nice...tell her you would rather not discuss what ifs when you don't even know if they exist.
Author lurker219 Posted November 6, 2008 Author Posted November 6, 2008 I agree with the other posters. Also, insist that you will do the "gentlemanly thing" by accompanying her when she goes for the ultrasound and blood test. Let's see if I got this straight. According to her plan...she is going to have the baby (if she is pregnant.) THEN you will try to live with her for 1 year. And if that doesn't work, THEN she will get an abortion. Er...what is she going to be aborting at that time? Or, did she mean it as a threat...that if you won't agree to the "trial living together thing" now, then she will get an abortion now (if she is pregnant)? Don't like to caution it but, in any event, it might be in your best interest to have a paternity test done if/when any baby is born. In this current phase of her life, stability doesn't sound like her strong suit. Hopefully that will change soon, though, cos it sounds like she already has a kid -- where she said that she wants you in her child's life, sounds like an already-born one. Her, for the lack of a better word, threat was if I can't agree to be in a relationship with her she can't have the child and will have to abort. She trimmed down the try to make it work time to a few months after I said I couldn't say I would be falling in love with her. No one can say that after only going out on and off for 3 months. She is very unstable at this time. She has had several jobs and residences in the past 10 months alone. This just came to light a couple weeks ago.
DealingWDrama Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 She is very unstable at this time. She has had several jobs and residences in the past 10 months alone. This just came to light a couple weeks ago. Does she have a drug/drinking problem???
Author lurker219 Posted November 6, 2008 Author Posted November 6, 2008 First of all, a blood test will confirm a positive pregnancy within 3 days of conception. Second, if she has irregular periods that means she ovulates at odd times and could very well be pregnant - you can't go by the dates of periods... give this a little time. Don't make any rash committments...you need to know if there is a child before you can even decide as to whether or not she wants to have an abortion or give a child up for adoption. If she is prone to tubal pregnancies or has a history of them, then yes an unltrasound would be performed...also depending on the form of birth control she has used in the present or past could cause tubal pregnancies...give this a few weeks...be nice...tell her you would rather not discuss what ifs when you don't even know if they exist. Her birth control method was an IUD. I don't recall her saying she had tubal pregnancy but she mentioned a misscarriage. Hearing her talk more, she was dating 1 year ago, I wonder if her year old test were from this person.
Author lurker219 Posted November 6, 2008 Author Posted November 6, 2008 Does she have a drug/drinking problem??? Not to my knowledge. She drinks socially and gets drunk fast. I know she smokes marijuana as well but I can't tell what she does outside my presence as we only see each other about once a week or every other week. She is on ant-depresents
DealingWDrama Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 It could be that the test was from before....if her birth control method was IUD then the possibility of a tubal pregnancy is HUGE! So, yes it makes sense for her to have an ultra sound....tell her you want to go with her to the doctor's appointment because you want to be with her through this pregnancy...rather than questioning the pregnancy itself. When you question her you are making her angry and upset...just go with the flow...be a friend and a supportive 'baby partner' ... it will allow you access to the tests first hand...by holding her hand, you will show your support and will give yourself the information you need to prepare your life for a child or not.
flc Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 #1 Get confirmation she is pregnant #2 Get confirmation you are the father #3 If #1 & #2 are positive then deal with your responsibility #4 Get out of the relationship regardless of the results
DealingWDrama Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 I have to agree with FLC - that is why you go with her to the appointment for the blood test/ultra sound...then you know if there is a kid or not...next - if you don't want to be in a relationship with this girl...be honest with her. It may hurt, but she will be better to make decisions for herself without foggy ideals or false actions of love coming from you.
Sears Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 It could be that the test was from before....if her birth control method was IUD then the possibility of a tubal pregnancy is HUGE! So, yes it makes sense for her to have an ultra sound....tell her you want to go with her to the doctor's appointment because you want to be with her through this pregnancy...rather than questioning the pregnancy itself. When you question her you are making her angry and upset...just go with the flow...be a friend and a supportive 'baby partner' ... it will allow you access to the tests first hand...by holding her hand, you will show your support and will give yourself the information you need to prepare your life for a child or not. I just re- read an email she sent, she said her family doctor wanted to do the ultra-sound/blood test thing four weeks from now rather than immediately. As far as being there for the child, this I have promised to do beyond money and pampers. I just can't promise to fall in love with her however....
Ronni_W Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 Her, for the lack of a better word, threat was if I can't agree to be in a relationship with her she can't have the child and will have to abort. Am I correct in assuming/trusting that you will not give in to such blackmail? That you will await proper medical evidence before you make financial commitments of any kind? Also. Is it possible that she was having sex with anyone else around the same time you supposedly maybe got her pregnant?
Author lurker219 Posted November 6, 2008 Author Posted November 6, 2008 Am I correct in assuming/trusting that you will not give in to such blackmail? That you will await proper medical evidence before you make financial commitments of any kind? Also. Is it possible that she was having sex with anyone else around the same time you supposedly maybe got her pregnant? That is correct. I will not make any commitments until I know this child is mine. It she did sleep with someone else. We were not together as an actual couple. More of a hang out, do some things and so on. We were going out, had a fight and didn't talk for an entire month until she started callnig in early October..
DealingWDrama Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 About 4 weeks from now would be right for an ultra sound...that gives time for the period to come about and see if she is pregnant before money is wasted on an ultra sound. That would make her around 6 to 7 weeks. It isn't uncommon for the IUD method of b/c for someone to get pregnant...that is what the IUD method does...it allows for the egg to be fertilized but denies the fertilized egg the ability to plant into the uterus to allow the fetus to grow. She is probably scared because she doesn't want to raise a kid by herself..that is why she is telling you that she doesn't want to have the baby if you and her are not going to be together. It makes sense that you will be there for the kid and not for her and it is ok for you to tell her that...but make sure there is a baby before you are even discussing these things - it is a field of drama you just don't need in your life nor does she need it in her life. MORE important - do not have sex with her anymore - protected or not protected!
You'reasian Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 Am I correct in assuming/trusting that you will not give in to such blackmail? That you will await proper medical evidence before you make financial commitments of any kind? Also. Is it possible that she was having sex with anyone else around the same time you supposedly maybe got her pregnant? The paternity test would probably answer most questions. Given that she just thinks of him as a f-buddy, probably states her general disposition about relationships, granted people go through phases. For the OP, find out if its yours - if you want to be with her, then chose to do so. Given what she's told you and her actions, she may require some serious relationship counselling. Still, I wish you the best of luck and no matter what happens, be a gentleman for her and do her good but if need be, let her go.
Ronni_W Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 It she did sleep with someone else. We were not together as an actual couple. Nah...I was thinking more in terms of whether there might be another candidate for paternity, not about cheating or anything like that. For the moment, it sounds as if you have all your bases covered, which is all you can do. I hope she's not pregnant...perhaps even more for her sake than yours (if you know what I mean?) Best of luck.
Author lurker219 Posted November 6, 2008 Author Posted November 6, 2008 About 4 weeks from now would be right for an ultra sound...that gives time for the period to come about and see if she is pregnant before money is wasted on an ultra sound. That would make her around 6 to 7 weeks. It isn't uncommon for the IUD method of b/c for someone to get pregnant...that is what the IUD method does...it allows for the egg to be fertilized but denies the fertilized egg the ability to plant into the uterus to allow the fetus to grow. She is probably scared because she doesn't want to raise a kid by herself..that is why she is telling you that she doesn't want to have the baby if you and her are not going to be together. It makes sense that you will be there for the kid and not for her and it is ok for you to tell her that...but make sure there is a baby before you are even discussing these things - it is a field of drama you just don't need in your life nor does she need it in her life. MORE important - do not have sex with her anymore - protected or not protected! I believe I will have to be more direct with her next conversation. When we spoke, I told her it was not possible to try and make feeling happen as she hopes they will. It will hurt her to hear what I will say which is I can only promise myself to the child, not her. I feel as if I'm being held at gun point, do what I want done or else. She said she will have blood drawn today. We'll see what the results of this will be. She presented me with a couple days that she would get her test done. Today just seemed to pop up.
DealingWDrama Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 It generally takes a few days for lab results to come back...be patient...be nice...do the dinner thing or a movie to let her know that you are being nice...DO NOT sleep with her or kiss her or anything physical at all - that sends major mixed signals...until you discover if she is preggers or not - which you should next week sometime if she is going to have blood drawn today...keep things cool and casual. Good luck and let us know if she is or isn't preggers.
Author lurker219 Posted November 7, 2008 Author Posted November 7, 2008 It generally takes a few days for lab results to come back...be patient...be nice...do the dinner thing or a movie to let her know that you are being nice...DO NOT sleep with her or kiss her or anything physical at all - that sends major mixed signals...until you discover if she is preggers or not - which you should next week sometime if she is going to have blood drawn today...keep things cool and casual. Good luck and let us know if she is or isn't preggers. Update... I decided to go flying today and visit in another state. I told her this and I wouldn't really be talking much until I got back. She called a couple times but I didn't answer. I'm tying down and she calls and of course I can talk. She tells me she IS NOT pregnant. She claims her family doctor and his lab rushed her blood work through from a test she took YESTERDAY and it came back negative. She said that the doctor wants her back for other test to see why her period hasn't come and that most likely, she had chemical pregnancy which means an egg and sperm got together but did not survive. I don't know if she was ever really pregnant and discovered I wouldn't try to force a relationship, realized this and played a gentle end game or if what she says is true. Thanks for your advice.......
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