wmast Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 I guess I just need to vent. 6 months in and I don't feel like I'm getting any better. I need to keep reminding myself that she is no longer the person I've come to know and love and she doesn't truly care about me. If she did she wouldn't have: -Left me for another guy when we were in the process of planning our wedding -LIED to me about the reasons she left... (Said she needed time to think about things when in all actuality she was seeing someone else) -Led me on in the initial stage of our breakup by kissing me and always calling me (I was unaware of her new bf at that time) -Left me unable to eat or sleep for weeks -Come back 2 months after our breakup and total NC professing her love to me. (She was actually just seeing if I was still waiting in the wings for her) -Led me on for 4 months (dumb me) saying she would break up with the other guy so that we could fix our problems and move on. -Told our family and friends that we were getting back together -Popped in and out of my life the way she did. We'd talk everyday for a full week but then the next thing you know she'd disappear, I wouldn't hear from her, then she'd all of a sudden reappear and act like everything was normal -Apologized profusely about all the pain she caused me and promised me she wouldn't ever leave my side again -Planned a winter trip for us to "getaway" so we could start over -Finally told me she left the guy so that we could start over only to find out through facebook that she never did leave him or she got back with him... I really don't know the truth -Left me heartbroken all over again I know some of the pain I caused on myself. When she left me I should have just picked up my face and walked away. But my love for her was WAY too strong. I allowed her to drag me along for months and months. I rode an emotional rollercoaster while she had the best of both worlds. I always told myself that if I was ever cheated on or left for someone else that I would never under any circumstances take that person back. But after being with her for 5 years I guess I compromised my own "morals". It's such a shame that she has become who she is now. In all honesty I feel like while I MAY love again (I'm not naive enough to not think I will), I just feel like if she could do this to me after all we've been through, then maybe marriage isn't for me. How can I trust another? Her and I were connected at the hip. We've been inseparable for 8 years (we were friends for 3 years prior to us becoming a couple). How can I make this kind of bond with someone else again? How can I trust that the same thing won't happen? It's so disheartening. There are two things I'm having a particularly hard time getting over in terms of our breakup. The first is the disloyalty/ dishonesty and the second is the dreams that were killed. I just don't see how someone can be so deceitful. We've been so close for so long. We've been through some of the best and worst times in life but we got through everything TOGETHER. Why turn your back on me now? Then secondly the dreams... We had our whole life planned out. I saved up so much money for our wedding, so much money for our future. Now I just see it sitting in my bank account afraid to touch it. We already had our children's names picked out... ugh, it hurts so much. The last time I talked to her was last week. I know she is still so confused. I could have sworn for sure that we were on our way to reconciliation. But no, she was just playing with my emotions. She would send me emails or texts saying, "I need you back in my life", "you are my knight in shining armor", "you are my bestfriend and I need my bestfriend back", "I'm so stupid for ruining what we had" etc... How is it one day you can say these things but then the next day you want nothing to do with me. I'm so lost. Maybe I need counseling. I know I'm rambling, guess I just needed to get it out.
BikerBeagle Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 well, counseling couldn't hurt ...but you really just have to man-up and stop letting her back into your life, period. She doesn't mean anything she's saying ...she's playing you, keeping you on a leash. What's more is, she probably knows it and is getting some gratification out of it.
Deegee Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 First of all, I'm really sorry that you're going through this emotional rollercoaster, and I totally understand. You have a LOT of time invested here, and I think that what you're feeling is quite normal. I would feel the exact same way, and have. But you know, in the long run, whether she's confused or not, how fair is this to you? What are you supposed to do?! Wait around for HER to decide?! NOT RIGHT, AND NOT FAIR! If she cares anything about you, and the relationship that you shared, she would be honest with you, and love you enough to let you go. Let you go so that you can have the same opportunity that she has, and had. I think that it stinks that she has you on a leash. I know that this is gonna hurt, but she is NOT the person that you were planning to marry. She chose to bail on you, and couldn't even be honest with you about that, do you want someone like that back in your life? Don't you think you deserve better?! Because YOU DO!!!!
EmperorR Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 My fiancé cheated on me as well after three years, and like you I told myself I would never take a cheater back yet I was begging my e. In the earlier states to give us another try. Go total nc and stay it, it's the only way I know it sucks being cheated on, trust seems like forever gone feeling like crap while thE cheating ex is happy in a new relationship and thinks of you like dirt. My ex has tried three times to contact me but I will not go back to day one and being disrespectd and you shouldn't either.
SgtPepper Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 wmast, You are lamenting the relationship you thought you had, not the one you really had. I know because I am right there with you. 8 years of what I thought was building a future, only to have my dreams pulled out from under me by someone who told me two weeks before I discovered that she was cheating that she would never cheat on me. All of that hurts. However, when I finally realized that I was wanting a relationship back that I never really had in the first place, it began to be easier to let go of some of that pain.
ahhhchooo Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 wmast, You are lamenting the relationship you thought you had, not the one you really had. I know because I am right there with you. 8 years of what I thought was building a future, only to have my dreams pulled out from under me by someone who told me two weeks before I discovered that she was cheating that she would never cheat on me. All of that hurts. However, when I finally realized that I was wanting a relationship back that I never really had in the first place, it began to be easier to let go of some of that pain. I agree, it's the same with my ex. All the things she said... they don't add up to the way she treated me in the end. If she really cared like she said she did, none of this could possibly have happened. It's hard to just accept you spent that time living a lie. And you could really trust someone capable of lying like that.
Author wmast Posted November 7, 2008 Author Posted November 7, 2008 Thanks a lot for all of the responses. I'm really struggling with the fact that someone you love soo much can turn their back on you and leave you feeling so insecure. Also I realize that the future is what you make it but the crushed dreams, they just hurt so badly. Maybe planning a life with someone you've been with since 17 is too premature??? I don't know anymore. I feel jaded about everything. I feel like everything I do is so fake. All my so called happiness is really a facade. I hope this fades
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