bleh Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 So its been a while, almost 6 months since i'v logged on and nearly 9 months since my last long term gf broke up with me leaving me devistated. Pretty good with it now so thumbs up. Anyways...since then there have been a few girls i'v been with but i have never really felt the spark to pursue it past the first date. Lately iv been seeing this absolutely gorgeous new girl who has the same tastes as me, is easy to talk to and i find incredibly attractive. However, like the others, my heart just does not feel it. Starting to get the feeling i'm broken and that i'v become that stereotypical guy i used to despise that doesn't care about women. I don't know if its because i cant remember what its like to start dating someone and expect a greater feeling than what is reasonable or if I just havn't been picking the right women. I am only young (20's) but i really don't want to be the guy that women all say "nuh hes only looking for a good time dont waste your time on him". It has at least given me a different point of view on the *******s out there, maybe they are just as hurt as the rest of us. Or perhaps they are just *******s :-). Anyways.... guess i have a few questions.... 1. Can anyone identify with this after a failed relationship and moving on? does it get better? or am i doomed? 2. Should i continue seeing this girl and see if the feeling grows or stop wasting her time now? 3. Does this make me an *******? Honesty is completely welcome :-) cheers in advance guys
wmast Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 Man, I'm feeling the exact same way. I feel like being an a--hole may be the only way to go. In my situation, my fiance was approached by the guy she left me for at her work. She said (and her unbiased co-workers confirmed) that he gave her his number but she told him she was getting married. He said "so" and left his number at the front desk for her. Yea, I know it was up to her to pursue but that just shows me that for some strange reason, the good guy gets walked all over and the bad guy prevails. (or atleast that's how I see it). Maybe I'm just jaded. I think you should continue to see the girl but if you get to the point where you're really not feeling it then just let her go. I'm guessing this all takes time.
trueblue72ny Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 i guess it takes time... could still be a shell around your heart. dont see the harm in having a new friend to hang out with tho.
Author bleh Posted November 6, 2008 Author Posted November 6, 2008 Sounds pretty rotten mate, however this new girl has taught me a lot of things. Firstly girlfriends (or boyfriends) really should just be add-ons. I know that sounds really harsh but i think when your happy within yourself and your happiness comes from an internal source or at least an external source such as friends and family that are more permanent then you are in a much better balanced fame of mind to have a successfull relationship. Secondly i think girls are attracted to the confidence that us guys see as the a--hole factor. And personally i think everyone does the damn best they can with what they have and noone really sets out to be a prick but i can see how people would think i was an ass in this situation and i don't want to be that jaded guy as you put it. As for the fiance, sounds like you were better off without her, i know when i was seriously in love with my gf i wouldn't dream of contacting the cute girl who gives me her number while i'm out. sounds pretty low. But i for one know there is light at the end of the tunnel so hang in there. I'm not out in it yet.... but i know its there and my train is picking up speed. Even if i am an a--hole for the rest of my life it stops the pain right? haha but we all know without any great loss there is never any real gain, so heres hoping for plenty of pain in the future..... masochistic eh? :-)
Author bleh Posted November 6, 2008 Author Posted November 6, 2008 i guess it takes time... could still be a shell around your heart. don't see the harm in having a new friend to hang out with tho. I would love this situation but she has already expressed that she wants a relationship and in the spur of the moment (2 or 3 dates ago) i said why not. In hindsight I probably should have told her where i was at, but thats the beauty of hindsight isn't it. I feel kinda stuck because I dont think there is much better than her out there... and im worried if i cant fall for the best then who will i fall for?
Kamille Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 Not a guy but I've been single and dating for the last few months - and not feeling it for anyone. Of course, for some reason, that's when guys really work overtime to win you over, and yes I've left a few of them high and dry (I don't know what the equivalent of the a****** is for women, but I'm sure at least one of the guys I dated thinks I deserve the title). I realized the other day that 1) I thought I wasn't going to fall in love again (I'm though with love kind of feeling) 2) that was a completely ludicrous thing to think. Love always gets you when you least expect it. The difference between your situation and mine is gender of course, and all that this entails when it comes to sex. I don't have sex with the guys I date - which for me leaves out any chance of confusion (and I make sure not to lead them on). As to the girl you are dating, what page is she on? If she is falling for you, then I think it isn't fair to her that you keep things going if you see no future there. If she's happy with things as they are, then why not proceed? Edit: I was writing when you posted this I would love this situation but she has already expressed that she wants a relationship and in the spur of the moment (2 or 3 dates ago) i said why not. In hindsight I probably should have told her where i was at, but thats the beauty of hindsight isn't it. I feel kinda stuck because I dont think there is much better than her out there... and im worried if i cant fall for the best then who will i fall for? Sticky situation mate. Don't know what to tell you. You can't force love, or force yourself to fall in love with someone. At the same time, maybe what you're feeling now is temporary - a reaction to making that commitment?
Author bleh Posted November 6, 2008 Author Posted November 6, 2008 Thats the thing, how long would you guys give it to see if the feeling grows? its been about 2 weeks so far and 6 dates with a couple of "would you like to come ins" yes next time i dont think ill be doing that so soon again. This whole dating, getting to know thing is kind of a first to me as my last relationship was my first real one and we were practically married before we decided to pursue an official relationship so a lot of this is new to me in the last few months. But yeh, if im not feeling it now how long is reasonable to wait and see if i start feeling it.... i don't want to give up on something which with my eyes and my head looks so right (and yes the head on my neck thank you) if my heart may possibly follow later.... on the same note though, i don't want to waste her time as i know what its like to be interested in someone and it would be a whole lot easier if they told you sooner rather than later... edit: just got your edit, and fingers crossed its temporary, as much as it hurts i refuse to give up on love so young
Kamille Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 The more you focus on trying to "feel" it for her, the less likely you are to let things just happen naturally. You know what, take a deep breath and take it easy. It's only been two weeks (yikes that's early for a commitment - I can see how that could cause anxiety). The thing is, neither of you know how this will unfold. You're still building the story in a way. Be yourself, be honest and she might decide on her own that she wants more then you can offer right now. If at one point you have a better idea of where you stand with her - of whether or not you see things developing into something more - then it'll be up to you to do the right thing. And also, I think most of us go through a phase of feeling jaded after our first big heartbreak. You will fall in love again, it just doesn't have to be with this woman, no matter how perfect she is - or maybe not with this woman now.
Author bleh Posted November 6, 2008 Author Posted November 6, 2008 i think your right, anxious about being anxious. I think you have hit the nail on the head, a few deep breaths, take a step back, see what happens and just have faith that things always end positively. Maybe not for the best but good things always come eventually :-) thanks a heap. fingers crossed and ill be sure to have updates
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