Sysyphus28 Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 If thier were 10 definitve steps to moving on, I feel like I might be at step 6. I was having so much trouble re-conceptualizing my life without my ex two months ago. I was a sorry sight for sure, and I felt pretty helpless. November has started and we have had LC. We have had lunch and tried to be civil. We send occasional texts. I pretend everything is ok when I talk to her even though I feel like an old newspaper(that has been read and thrown away). I went NC for two months(it was excruciating). Now I have this half-a** friendship to show for it. She hasn't given me ANY sighn that she will ever show me REAl affection besides basic pleasantries, and she has made it clear that she is no longer in love with me. I've been dating, and it is fun to have fun with other women(my own age!). But, she has still been on my mind and I am consumed with thinking of our baloney/fake contact!!! I still think of what plans we could make for the weekend(even though it would eb lame sitting and watching a movie with her and wanting to cuddle)I think about texting her things I think will make her laugh. I am not depressed. I am not indifferent. I have my closure. I just don't know how to cut those last threads. How do I cut those last threads and move on from this completely played-out, mediocre sub-freindship!! ** I even burned the stiff she gave me. ** Is time and NC the answer? Or should I tell her to F-off....and be hostile. Does silence speak way louder?
sedgwick Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 ** I even burned the stiff she gave me. Sounds painful!
foxh1234 Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 Go NC, fall of the face of the earth. Silence speaks so much more than any words ever can. You will heal far faster with NC and it may make her miss you.
northstar1 Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 If thier were 10 definitve steps to moving on, I feel like I might be at step 6. I was having so much trouble re-conceptualizing my life without my ex two months ago. I was a sorry sight for sure, and I felt pretty helpless. November has started and we have had LC. We have had lunch and tried to be civil. We send occasional texts. I pretend everything is ok when I talk to her even though I feel like an old newspaper(that has been read and thrown away). I went NC for two months(it was excruciating). Now I have this half-a** friendship to show for it. She hasn't given me ANY sighn that she will ever show me REAl affection besides basic pleasantries, and she has made it clear that she is no longer in love with me. I've been dating, and it is fun to have fun with other women(my own age!). But, she has still been on my mind and I am consumed with thinking of our baloney/fake contact!!! I still think of what plans we could make for the weekend(even though it would eb lame sitting and watching a movie with her and wanting to cuddle)I think about texting her things I think will make her laugh. I am not depressed. I am not indifferent. I have my closure. I just don't know how to cut those last threads. How do I cut those last threads and move on from this completely played-out, mediocre sub-freindship!! ** I even burned the stiff she gave me. ** Is time and NC the answer? Or should I tell her to F-off....and be hostile. Does silence speak way louder? Dude, you are in what is called. limbo. You are moving on, but the contact will keep yanking you back, or slowing down your healing. It's too early to be doing this slow, f;riendship; dance. You need space and time to move on fully (and get to the 10th step), and this ain't gonna do that. Stop texting her, you aren't 'friends'. Back off, keep NC as Fox has said, and fully get over her.
JooLee Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 i agree with everyone else. go NC. you'll be stuck at the same spot if you keep contacting her. besides, i thought you wanted to move on.. and i know you know NC is the best thing. im assuming you still want to be with her, eh? perharps you should reflect back on what has happened these past months and understand the situation and see that you deserve much better? just a thought...
trueblue72ny Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 you are being friendzoned. i am in lc with my ex. she initiates. says she wants to be friends and all that. me, honestly, i am not interested in being her chat buddy what so ever. so back to nc, three days so far, i am thinking about ignoring her next email because i have never done that before and see what happens. whats the worst that could happen? she doesnt speak to me anymore? could be a blessig in disguise. as much as i still love her, i am NOT going to be friendzoned. i am wondering if this is the only way to make that point. i dont think its a good idea to freak out or be a di ck to her. thats not the way to go in my opinion. you just justify her actions. disassociation is far more better way of getting your point across, but just tell her, you are not interested in being her chat buddy. pure and simple. you dont really want be her 'friend' do you? just like fox said, silence speaks louder than words. i guess if it was the easy route everyone would do it.
Author Sysyphus28 Posted November 6, 2008 Author Posted November 6, 2008 Dude, you are in what is called. limbo. You are moving on, but the contact will keep yanking you back, or slowing down your healing. It's too early to be doing this slow, f;riendship; dance. You need space and time to move on fully (and get to the 10th step), and this ain't gonna do that. Stop texting her, you aren't 'friends'. Back off, keep NC as Fox has said, and fully get over her. Here is a list why NC is going to be the best idea for me. 1. She has continously given me the bare minimum of attention and kindness since she moved on to sleeping with someone else. 2. She has been selfish and immature about how she has handled leaving me. 3. She has blamed me for everything wrong in our past relationship and did not apoligize for lieing/cheating/being cruel. She has blamed it on me. 4. She told me that she is "over it", that she "doesn't love me anymore", she has voiced she "does not want me in her life" even though her actions have been different. 5. She is 7 years younger than me/ in her senior year of college/ lives on a campus. Her life is totally different now. 6. I tried to get her back and put so much energy into it, after 3 months it has yielded a lame/fake mediocre friendship. 7. Thier are many other people that have NOT f-ed me over that I can give my energy to. 8. I can't move on if I stay in any form on contact with her. Thier is nothing much left to talk about between us now that things are civil. Nc with an air of civility is better than Nc with loathing and hate. 9. I need totally trust and embrace the advice that people are giving me on LS and stop fighting the truth. This support system is tried and true and the advice comes from experience.
northstar1 Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 Here is a list why NC is going to be the best idea for me. 1. She has continously given me the bare minimum of attention and kindness since she moved on to sleeping with someone else. 2. She has been selfish and immature about how she has handled leaving me. 3. She has blamed me for everything wrong in our past relationship and did not apoligize for lieing/cheating/being cruel. She has blamed it on me. 4. She told me that she is "over it", that she "doesn't love me anymore", she has voiced she "does not want me in her life" even though her actions have been different. 5. She is 7 years younger than me/ in her senior year of college/ lives on a campus. Her life is totally different now. 6. I tried to get her back and put so much energy into it, after 3 months it has yielded a lame/fake mediocre friendship. 7. Thier are many other people that have NOT f-ed me over that I can give my energy to. 8. I can't move on if I stay in any form on contact with her. Thier is nothing much left to talk about between us now that things are civil. Nc with an air of civility is better than Nc with loathing and hate. 9. I need totally trust and embrace the advice that people are giving me on LS and stop fighting the truth. This support system is tried and true and the advice comes from experience. Yes yes! Print this out, tack it on your wall, or put a copy in your wallet. Just read this everyday.
lofi_tokyo Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 Theres a long list of reasons I should not contact my ex. I remind myself each day. Today though, I'm too tired to remind myself why its good hes gone. I don't want him back, but at the same time, I tired of fighting with myself and telling myself he was no good. My ex was not passionate, was clumsy in bed, was not romantic... he lacked a lot of good qualities. But, at the end of the day, he made me happy. He has desirable traits. If he didn't his new girlfriend wouldn't be so all over him. I guess what I'm saying is, yes I'm going to stay NC, because it helps me forget what I loved about him, it also helps me forget the hurt, and to move on. But... I'm addicted to love, I love all things, and I hope eventually, I'll be over him 100%, so that I can love him as a person, but not as a romantic interest. OY!
Author Sysyphus28 Posted November 6, 2008 Author Posted November 6, 2008 I will consult that list each day. I don't want to change my phone number........but in case she calls or texts..... I listened her under EX GHOST......to remind me that she is a nobody. I have been friendzoned, it is the corniest/lamest thing someone has ever done to me. I used to be her love and her man, now I am some groupie...........for what?! WOW. help me get through DAY ONE of NC with a different perspective. I can until new years, I know it!
Meaplus3 Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 Silence does speak volumes IMO. The best way to acheive that is with full NC. Yes.. it might be difficult and perhaps you might like to have the last word and tell her where to go but don't! Be the bigger person and button up. She should get the message quick and will realize that she is now that old thrown out newspaper. Keep your chin up.. you can get through this. AP:)
EmperorR Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 everyday I feel like texting my ex, but theni remind myself why? She treated me like dirt said she can find someone better and is areadybwith her rebound. She has tested me tree times side I did nc 42 days but I refuse to break, and to back to day 1. I'll always remember how I paid the damn vet bill for her dumb cat and I txt her how is the cat doing and she said forget about us.
openbook08 Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 yay go sysyphus28!! whoop de whoop day 1 change your no. why not?? i did and by God is it powerful well what do ya know i think im having a good day!! going out tonight for a bitta thursday flirting fun!
Author Sysyphus28 Posted November 10, 2008 Author Posted November 10, 2008 You don't just get your power back. By get, I mean, it doesn't come abck to you by waiting around or sticking to NC and doing pushups. Hobbies are great, commitment to work is great, NC is great, eating right is great, etc. But, power is something you have to take back. When you have been done wrong, or at least you believe you have, thier is a recipe for ejecting that Ass**** from your life. You want to try and be freinds? YOU CANT. You have shared too much intamacy to have it be a healthy friendship. You want a second chance? With Who? The jerkoff that screwed you over? Sounds like a good idea. Personally, I hate hanging aroung with people who made me feel like dirt. I don't want to be needy anymore. I want to feel good.
Recommended Posts