Author padparadscha Posted November 13, 2008 Author Posted November 13, 2008 The most shocking thing ever occurred yesterday evening, but at the time I was in too much pain to write what was going on. This car accident really got me in a bad way and at times I cant type or feel okay. Anyhow, I am telling you today what happened. I posted an ad on match dot com, but then I decided that I was going to not join. This was a while ago, probably back in July. Therefore my ad is there, but I cant contact anyone, I can only read my matches. It never concerned me because I was not really ready to join, I was still foolishly pineing over my ex! Normally I simply ignore what match.com has to say, but today I opened my list of matches because it said I have an email. The alert was followed by a picture of my ex. The picture only showed his face and a cell phone. So either was my ex was trying to contact me or he was looking for a woman with my traits and interest. However, there was true way for me to know, because my ad had no picture posted. I put the wrong town and I put the wrong detailed information, just incase a student were to see I was on the net. My career always trumps everything eles. So, since there was no picture there is a 25% chance he did not know it was me. Then there is a 75% chance he knew. My point is: 1. He told me he could not hurt this woman he is with and let her know what was going on. He made it clear to me he had to protect the woman he is living with even though he prefer to be with me. This is when I changed my phone number and tried to move on and he continued to stalk me. Since I found out I was the one who had to live with the fact he was a cheater and not her, I always felt like she was lucky that he sapred her the pain and gave it all to me. I thought when I left he would have a chance to be with her and finally be faithful to someone. Yet, this ad shows that this man is living with this woman and still cheating because now he is on the internet searching for someone and he found me. I don’t know if he knows it is me, but he is not stupid. 2. He has a picture of at the time, “MY” brand new jaguar in the photo. It is a photo he must have taken long ago when we used to go to a Thai resturant out east. I remember him asking me to take that picture, as he called his daughter. He wanted to prove to his daughter he was always thinking of her, even though he doesn’t always call her. He is holding a cell phone and has the car door to my Jaguar open. The caption say, “I am always on my phone”. So he is using my car (since he does not have a car) to attract women on the net. I cant believe he is still using me and still out there cheating on other women. Unbelievable! I am beyond shocked. Shocked that he is still cheating by searching for someone and shocked that he is using my car as a way to lure women. What is this about? What do you think? Should I now be afraid? Will he hurt me? Is he sick?
jmargel Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 He's a player, he also sounds narcissistic. I wouldn't be overly concerned about him stalking or trying to hurt you. The best thing you can do is ignore him. He's trying to get your attention and if you respond to him, that just give him hope that he can keep you in his life. He looks at you, his girlfriend and all other women as objects. It's an ego stroke to him. To capture you, someone who sounds very beautiful and intelligent is a big plus to his self-esteem. However he lacks the maturity and capacity to really love and care for another individual. Guys like him do not change, not until they realize their behavior and want to get help for it. Nothing you can say or do will make him realize this. Our concern though is not with him, it is with you. Like a quote from an old 80's movie "The only way to win the game is not to play" To him, this is a game, though he will not admit it. I just wanted to ask, what are you getting out of all of this? When was the last time you were truly happy? Where do you see yourself in the next two years? Imagine was right, men don't like rejection and though many might want to approach you, they don't out of fear of that rejection. It's happened to me quite a few times during my single life. I wish I could tell you where you could find the right type of man for you, but my friend that's an answer that millions are seeking out right now. Alot of it comes down to luck, I guess. Mentally and physically you could meet up with the right person and on paper it 'should' work, but even then there's a chance that an emotional connection might not happen or does not last. Life does not come with an instruction booklet. We don't know what's on the next page. We just have to make the best of each day and to control the things we can and not worry about the rest. Your partner will come, God has a plan for us all.
Author padparadscha Posted November 14, 2008 Author Posted November 14, 2008 Thanks a lot! Your right, I am going to brush this off. He is lower than I thought and even in cheating I placed him on a pedestal. I just assumed like and idiot he cheated on me because he found happiness. I assumed that he moved in with someone because it bettered him as a person and he told me that I was holding him back because I never helped him to get a place. So I figured he found a woman who could do what I could not. I realize that people might not be getting what I am so shocked about. I did not know that he was this type of person to be honest, I was shocked. Shocked because he told me I pushed him into the arms of someone else and I believed him. He told me that when I kept saying we were friends….It doesn’t matter now, it’s the past, but he told me he broke his morals because of me. Those were his exact words. He said he knew that I would not wish for him to leave so he stayed even though he never loved me. He said that he would have to face God and live with himself for cheating on this other woman rather than leaving me. So I changed my number and left and you know the rest of the story. I thought I was to blame for this. My friends and family told me I was to blame because I never told him I loved him and I never…I thought he felt it. So, I suppose was ( not longer am) shocked because I see that his excuses of this woman being so nice and so trusting and so good to him were bull****. Truth is he is a liar and a cheat who is on the internet pretending to have a college degree and own a Jaguar. He does not even own a valid drivers license, yet alone a car. Anyhow, in a way that post felt like closure for me, because I realize he is not at peace and he is not right in the head. I am done. I just was unsure if I was being naïve about thinking he might hurt me, because many people in my life like my grandma and my other ex boyfriends felt he was acting out of control. I don’t think I fully agreed until I saw that post. However, if you feel it is not a concern, then I will ignore it. Thanks again. Oh Jmargel----When was the last time I was truly happy? I am happy. I am not happy in love ( I wish), but I am happy. Granted I was not when I posted this thread to begin with. Well…I was, but then I fell into a bad funk of depression. Talking to you guys helped a lot. Honestly it helped. Also, Thank God I have two great ex boyfriends who have been helping me to not fall into depression. God knows I was awfully lucky to have them in my life because they are always there to make sure I smile! Two years from now, I see myself….I have no clue. I feel like I have it all. I don’t more. I feel like there is nothing more I want and my life is full. Accept there is a hole in my heart that needs to be filled. Outside of love, there is nothing I desire, because there is nothing I have not obtained that I wanted. I just want now to complete my life with companionship. So I don’t know two years from now if that is possible. Perhaps that is a problem, filling all your goals in life accept one…
pelicanpreacher Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 Okay, so new topic. Out with the old... It is funny you said I say that is funny, because I just wrote my first novel, which very shortly will be on the market. One of the characters is Ego. Which originally I used his picture for the characture. My character was actually made up of his personality traits. I since had his characture redone to be altered so it no longer looks like him. My point is that it is so funny you wrote that, because that is who he was in my novel. The new topic is: How do I do what Pelican Preachure suggested and meet someone? I tried "It's Just Lunch" dating service. But it was a true waste of $1,000, because the company is not serious and neither are the men. I tried online dating, but the men normally dont have higher education that is matched to mine. It is difficult to find someone like that. It also seems like online dating is very ...I dont know. I dont drink so the bar scene is out. I already have my masters plus 75 above, so going back to school is out. How do you meet a single man? Especially if you prefer to date outside your race? Do you have the answer? I'd say maybe join a high end coed gym, a country club, or perhaps a large Mormon church. You'll still have to look deep before you leap but at least you've put yourself in environments that hopefully improve your odds!
Author padparadscha Posted November 14, 2008 Author Posted November 14, 2008 Thanks. I am going to log off this site for awhile and see if I can utilize some of the advice! Hopefully I wont fall down that pit of despair again. I really do feel better now that I know as in the words of Imagine I am not at fault, my ex was an "Unscrupulous predator". Somehow that makes me feel better about myself. Thanks everyone, Im going to go see if I can take some baby steps and then walk again (wink)
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