4givrnt4gtr Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 Strange as it may be, even though I just broke off my over a year long relationship with my bf, it is not him who im missing. Im missing my best friend. I have him up a few weeks ago, before my breakup, because my then bf felt threatened by him, and to be honest, i felt a bit scared of the feelings I didnt want to acknowledge. I hurt him terribly, telling him I didnt feel comfortable beign around him anymore. He as so very very hurt. He and I made out a few months ago after a break with my bf...after that nothing has ever been the same. After I told him i couldnt be around him anymore, and he insisted that I couldnt just give him up like that I decided that i was giving too much up for a relationship that was not working. I tried texting him and calling him after my breakup. He answered to two of the texts, but nothing more. He said he had asked me to not get back with my bf, and that since I had decided to give up our friendship for that relationship, he didnt know if he could be my friend again. Ive apologized, called, everything. I even drunk texted him (instead of my ex!! ha! ironies). I told him i missed him and wish he was there with me. I know he is right...I understand why he is so mad... But I cannot stand the thought that I totally lost him... I went through all my pictures and whenever I saw a picture of us it killed me. I cant believe i gave him up like that. I dont know how to deal with this...i just saw he still hanging out with some people I hang out with as well. I dont know if he's told them what happened between us...nobody has mentioned anything. I dont know what to do....Im so so so regretful yet there's nothing I can do but wait to see if he is able to forgive me.....I cant believe this hurts more than losing my boyfriend....totally blows How do i deal with this?? please help me figure out a way to make this better...or at least to not feel so helpless.. I feel like its completely out of my hands. I dont know what to do.
BikerBeagle Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 What you had with this "best friend" was an affair, plain and simple, and you have to treat that 'break up' with him just like you'd treat any other. Continuing to contact him is going to do nothing but push him away ...or, at the very best, it invites him to use you as a boody call or FWB (knowing that you'd do ANYTHING to have him back). Guys aren't interested in being 'friends'.
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted November 6, 2008 Author Posted November 6, 2008 What you had with this "best friend" was an affair, plain and simple, and you have to treat that 'break up' with him just like you'd treat any other. Continuing to contact him is going to do nothing but push him away ...or, at the very best, it invites him to use you as a boody call or FWB (knowing that you'd do ANYTHING to have him back). Guys aren't interested in being 'friends'. what do you mean by "affair'? I didnt cheat on my bf with my friend by any means. When he and I made out my boyfriend and I were broken up and didnt look like we were going to get back together. It was a one night thing, we never did anything after that one time. Actually, we hardly even saw each other afterwards. HE tried to contact me often but I felt it would disrespect my bf seeing as how I wasnt sure what my friend felt for me. I talked to him once in a while but felt too guilty even though our chats had nothing to do with what happened or had any sexual/romantic tone so a few weeks ago I told him I couldnt continue talking to him. He's always ALWAYS been a good friend to me for the past 4 years. At the time I made that stupid decision I was trying hard to figure out why my relationship wasnt working so I figured I would have a better chance at fixing it if I wasnt distracted by thoughts of my friend. In any case I really do disagree that men and women cant be friends....and so, no i cannot treat this as "just any other" break up....
Deegee Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 Sometimes you just gotta let some time pass, men process things differently. Don't keep calling, or texting, when he's ready, he'll call. Men can and will deal with things on their own time. He won't call or text before he's ready. Trust me, you've been his friend for 4 years, there's a history here, he might be mad at you for wanting to end the friendship during your relationship, but he'll see that in the end he has his friend back, and he'll want to reconnect. Relax and and DON'T call, he'll call you, trust that.
donnamaybe Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 I agree with the time needing to pass. I don't think he's written you off. But don't be too hasty to get into another relationship. What if you do, and then your friend contacts you? And yes - guys ARE interested in being friends as well as lovers. I have men friends. Yeah, maybe they WOULD like to get in my pants (lol) but they know they won't, and they still enjoy being my friend.
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