lofi_tokyo Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 I logged on facebook and had a message in my inbox. From a girl with the same first name as my ex's new girl (the one he left me for). I opened it, scared. Inside was a get away from my boyfriend kind of message, and it listed a lot of stuff that I don't want to repeat, but hurt me deeply. I don't know my ex's girlfriends last name, don't know what she looks like, don't know ANYTHING but a name. I deleted the e-mail. I saw her tumbnail picture attached to the mail in my inbox, shes cute. There was a guy in it. My ex. I hopped on AIM and asked my ex if he cheated on me while I was in Japan. Flat out. He says no. I asked him a lot of questions, and he said no. I asked him if his new woman knows my name. He said no. How did she find me. Why did she find me. Its OVER between him and I! I don't even talk to him, like at all! The last time I did was when I put up that power post about how happy I am on this site. That was the first time in three weeks. Before that it was once a week and we talked about like, the weather. I told me ex maybe it wasn't her. I know it was him in the thumbnail picture, but I told him I couldn't tell. I told him to assume it was not her. I don't want this drama. I don't want her in my life. I don't want him talking to her about me. I don't want anything but to be left alone and forget him. He denies everything. He says its freaking him out that she even found me. Maybe she looked up my screen name on AIM? I dont know. Whatever. I'm afraid he'll ask her about it and she'll deny it. I'm afraid he'll take her side and hate me. I wish I hadn't ever got that mail. Ugh. I told him thank you for showing me first love, first physical relationship, and the good memories. I told him I'd hold onto those and lets just forget the letter. I just want us to go our separate ways and be happy. Prior to saying the thank you and forget it bit, I had to take a shower because I was shaking. I still am. He never replied to me after I came back. I don't know what hes thinking. I'm scared hes going to think I'm unstable. I told him I honestly did not want to date him (I don't) and that at most I expected friendship but knew our friendship existed only because we were dating. I did not try to manipulate him or anything, I just want us to go our seperate ways. I cant remember now, but I think I told him I'm not going to be able to talk to him for a long time. I just said thanks for the good, lets leave it at that, and move the hell on. Goodbye. I feel insane. What the hell. I've lost him forever. I can never talk to him again ever!
Geishawhelk Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 I....had a message in my inbox. From a girl with the same first name as my ex's new girl (the one he left me for). I opened it.... That was the biggest mistake you made. And why 'scared'....? Heck! move on, big deal, really!! I think, personally this 'we can still be friends' is a whole load of cr*p. I don't know how people can call it friendship when there's been a break-up, so something would mean there's an incompatibility there! How can you be a friend with someone who's incompatible with you....?! And there's the 'sex'... every time you see them, or speak to them, as a friend, there's that lingering memory of "oh yeah, I've had sex wih you...." Leave it. Go to NC, and get on with your life. Let her have him, and he her. They deserve each other.
Author lofi_tokyo Posted November 6, 2008 Author Posted November 6, 2008 Eww I know Geisha. And trust me, I don't want friendship, not now anyways, theres no point since I still have expectations about what friendship should be. I do not at all want it now. I guess I thought in years we could be friends. I don't know. I also didn't even think about NC when I saw the mail in my inbox. I opened it out of idle curiosity, never thought about NC, just thought "crazy". But yeah, definitely time to just, shut down all ex related things. This is ****ed up. **** I'm feeling better now (this is the edit). I talked to a best friend on the phone and him and I just chatted about life. Breakups and beyond. Friends are amazing huh? My ex called my home, at my request (I couldn't sleep and wanted to talk casually... to pretend for a moment things were okay - for one moment), but luckily my leading man (bestfriend) was on the phone with me, so it went to busy. I'm glad I missed the call. Sorry for my hysteria. What my ex's girlfriend said hurt me, but my buddy cheered me right up by showing me some good "bushisms" and now I'm back to relaxed (for now?).
MichiganMan222 Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 Tokyo I feel so bad for you. It's hard enough to go NC on your own and when that happens its just awful. HOWEVER, sounds like something happened in the relationship. Something that made the new gf insecure. Maybe she snooped in his stuff and ran across something regarding you and assumed he was talking to you. Why else would an email like that come unsolicited. Don't let it get you down. If it helps you, take solace in knowing that some bad vibe happened over there (its evil, but it would help ME). Let it make you stronger. Let it make it easier for you to forget about him (and her). Keep moving forward like you have been. It wouldn't surprise me if that thumbnail pic was brand new and changed minutes before the email was sent to 'stake her claim'. Smile and forget about it!!! You are doing great.
JooLee Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 you know, in my opinion you shouldnt be scared at all. heck she shud be scared of you cos she was one of the reason of your break up. what a psycho to have sent you that message. just shows she's insecure about your ex... so good luck to them in fixing their life together. good for you that you told him goodbye. you dont need **** like this. and i agree about geisha's comment that ex lovers shouldnt be friends.. maybe only after a long period of time. anyways, dont let her get to you. clearly you have it better
EmperorR Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 Tokyo your strong you can do it. The other day I got a text from a number I don't know just saying hey hope everything is ok, I was going to reply who is this but I got scared thinking its my ex new man and she's just trying to toy with me so I deleted it, not like yours but I'm tkaing no chances with nothing, ah i really need to change my number. I already deactivated my facebook, because I know im to curious and would look
Author lofi_tokyo Posted November 6, 2008 Author Posted November 6, 2008 Thanks for the posts, Geisha, JooLee, and Emp. I can't sleep tonight so rereading them is kind of nice, and reminds me the message should mean nothing to me because its over between my ex and I anyways. My ex had Facebook when him and I were dating, then he got rid of it because he never goes on, he only had like 5 people added as friends, and yeah I didn't blame him. I kinda suggested he get it so I could make my status "In a relationship with _____" rather than just "In a relationship". I'm guessing this girl has done the same, because he has a new account now. Anyways, thats unimportant, I'm just restless so I'm writing random things I guess. I'm proud I said goodbye to him too... at least for now! I think in general people agree friendship with ex's does not happen, and I don't think it should happen anytime soon... but in like, two years, if him and this girl are broken up, I can imagine talking to him maybe. Who knows. Oddly enough I'm still hurting a lot right now. So I'm really gonna have to channel strength not to break NC! Good news is I'll heal a lot quicker from this than the initial shock of him leaving. Blah.
JooLee Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 its only normal that it hurts. this guy meant a lot to you. "Good news is I'll heal a lot quicker from this than the initial shock of him leaving. Blah. " IM LOVING YOUR ATTITUDE, GIRL! definitely you can do it. and you know you can always rant on here anytime! look at it this way, its a new chapter for your new book!
northstar1 Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 Thanks for the posts, Geisha, JooLee, and Emp. I can't sleep tonight so rereading them is kind of nice, and reminds me the message should mean nothing to me because its over between my ex and I anyways. My ex had Facebook when him and I were dating, then he got rid of it because he never goes on, he only had like 5 people added as friends, and yeah I didn't blame him. I kinda suggested he get it so I could make my status "In a relationship with _____" rather than just "In a relationship". I'm guessing this girl has done the same, because he has a new account now. Anyways, thats unimportant, I'm just restless so I'm writing random things I guess. I'm proud I said goodbye to him too... at least for now! I think in general people agree friendship with ex's does not happen, and I don't think it should happen anytime soon... but in like, two years, if him and this girl are broken up, I can imagine talking to him maybe. Who knows. Oddly enough I'm still hurting a lot right now. So I'm really gonna have to channel strength not to break NC! Good news is I'll heal a lot quicker from this than the initial shock of him leaving. Blah. I'm sorry to hear that TV. This just confirms it, Facebook is the devil. That thing has seriously caused a lot of pain for a lot of people.
sedgwick Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 I just wanted to say that's really f*cked up and I'm very sorry it happened to you. I had an ex's new gf come after me once and it was really unpleasant. It takes a while to recover. But hopefully you can look at this as a sign of her insecurity and nothing more. I'd say to go full-on NC with your ex at this point, though. This just confirms it, Facebook is the devil. That thing has seriously caused a lot of pain for a lot of people. Yeah, and myspace, and livejournal, and so forth. I think we're way too connected sometimes. We don't need to know what our exes are doing.
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