trinamadina Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 Hello. I've been having affairs with my employers for the past 3 years with all two of my bosses. I'm not sure why, but it's almost as if they have expected it from me and it's part of my job description. My current boss told me that he hired me to have sex with me. He always flattered me with his compliments on my eyes, breasts, looks, everything. Anyways, things have gotten out of control and I feel like my job is on the line if I don't give into his escalating demands. I have been trying to find another job for over 2 months and cannot risk losing this job as it is keeping us with a roof over our heads. My husband isn't much of a bread winner and we've been on fertility treatments for the past two years; I've been trying to have a child with him for over 4 years. I feel sickly about myself and almost don't want to live another day with this over my head. My boss demanding sex or oral sex has made me feel no longer as though it's something that's consensual or that we both want, but more like a prostitute! My boss is married as well. I don't know how I got here or turned into this person, but it scares me how far I've fallen. It all started with what seemed like innocent flirtation. My boss knew I was married, having problems in my marriage, and trying to have a baby. He didn't care. He took me out to discuss a promotion and he touched me and made me feel things I haven't in a long time. It didn't take long until he was my hourly fantasy at work and at home. Eventually he ****ed me in his locked office one day after his fondling of me and kissing. This isn't the first time he's had sex with his colleagues. He's very charming and affectionate. Women have a hard time saying no to him.
Reggie Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 Your boss is nuts, but you have big time problems,as well. Are you getting therapy? A life of lies and low self esteem sucks. I think you should start getting therapy to find out where this comes from and how you can get better. Good luck. You can get better with work.
lkjh Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 you need to put a stop to this because you are acting like their personal prostitute. Do not degrade yourself.
OWoman Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 This can only get a whole lot worse. You are on fertility treatment to try to conceive. If you do conceive you will not know if it was your husband's or your boss's - unless they have been sterilised sufficiently long ago to render then harmless. Your anxiety will make conception less likely. This will add to the stress at home. It sounds as if your boss is abusing power and authority and that the sex is not entirely consensual. If you have an HR department, you should approach them. Else approach an independent labour lawyer - many will take on a case on a "percentage of win" basis (requiring no money upfront, they will take a cut of whatever settlement they win, if they win the case) or seek assistance from a women's organisation. Speak to your husband and let him know what's going on. Get him on your side rather than fighting this alone.
Bryanp Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 I had the same question. You are on fertility drugs to get pregnant with your husband and you are having sex with two of your bosses. What makes you think you will not get pregnant from them? Is this really fair what you are doing to your husband? You are putting him at risk for STD's and constantly cheating and betraying him behind his back. How would you feel if he had been doing to you what you have been doing to him for the past 3 years? For the past 3 years you have made a mockery of your marriage and wedding vows. What makes you think your marriage would get better if you have been screwing your bosses for the past 3 years. It is amazingly unfair to your husband what you have been doing and having him trying to get your pregnant at the same time while you are screwing other men. If you detest your husband so much then get a divorce and stop humiliating, disrespecting and making him look like such a fool. Would you want your spouse to be so cruel and heartless to you? I think you need counseling, getting a new job and stop with the fertility treatments until you are honest with your husband about what you have been doing. He has a right to know whether he wishes to continue trying to get you pregnant and staying in the marriage. Stop being selfish and start being honest with your husband. I wish you luck.
jwi71 Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 Hello. I've been having affairs with my employers for the past 3 years with all two of my bosses. I'm not sure why, but it's almost as if they have expected it from me and it's part of my job description. My current boss told me that he hired me to have sex with me. He always flattered me with his compliments on my eyes, breasts, looks, everything. Anyways, things have gotten out of control and I feel like my job is on the line if I don't give into his escalating demands. I have been trying to find another job for over 2 months and cannot risk losing this job as it is keeping us with a roof over our heads. My husband isn't much of a bread winner and we've been on fertility treatments for the past two years; I've been trying to have a child with him for over 4 years. I feel sickly about myself and almost don't want to live another day with this over my head. My boss demanding sex or oral sex has made me feel no longer as though it's something that's consensual or that we both want, but more like a prostitute! My boss is married as well. I don't know how I got here or turned into this person, but it scares me how far I've fallen. It all started with what seemed like innocent flirtation. My boss knew I was married, having problems in my marriage, and trying to have a baby. He didn't care. He took me out to discuss a promotion and he touched me and made me feel things I haven't in a long time. It didn't take long until he was my hourly fantasy at work and at home. Eventually he ****ed me in his locked office one day after his fondling of me and kissing. This isn't the first time he's had sex with his colleagues. He's very charming and affectionate. Women have a hard time saying no to him. What do you want? What is the "happy ending" for you?
DealingWDrama Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 If he was using his position to have sex with you - that is beyond wrong...but you said that you are having sex with two of your bosses and that you were attracted to them in the beginning. If you are involved in an affair and are using an excuse to make it seem like you are the victim in the situation, that's wrong. If you want to end your relationship with the boss(es) then end them. If your job is threatened or you are fired because of it...call human resources and tell them that you have been having an affair with so and so and that you are planning to end the affair and want to be assured that your job will not be sacrificed because you want to end the affair. As was stated before, if you get pregnant you won't know who the father of your child is and your husband is going to be DEVASTED! Trust me on that.
pelicanpreacher Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 To end this farcical parody of sex within at your job you should first start saving your panties and begin surreptiously tape recording your sessions. Within those panties lies evidence that will identify who you've sexually engaged with and, with the tape recorded evidence of these interludes, you now have leverage to expose all the dirty details of these encounters with candor beyond reproach. You still have the dicey problem of consensuality stemming from the outset of your infidelities but none of this shouldl be evident or relevant to the circumstances you find yourself in because you can use the threat that HR or the Department of Labor will pursue their own agenda(s) to punish all parties involved in your sexual harrassment within the workplace regardless of who started what with whom. Be careful for those who have something to lose may find their solution(s) expediently satisfied should the world lose you!
jj33 Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 If you end the affairs and they fire you they have a MAJOR Title VII problem. Any good employment lawyer could take the case on a contingency fee. Just say no. Tape the conversations. Tell them you realize what you are doing is wrong and you value your job and cant be involved in this anymore. If you get fired then you have the evidence. You say you are sleeping with both of them. Is this a prank post? If not then you really should think about IC. Its a very unusual situation for you to have put yourself in.
sadintexas Posted November 7, 2008 Posted November 7, 2008 I really don't mean offense to OP, but I was also thinking this was a prank post. It's too unreal. Not in this day and age...sorry.
Author trinamadina Posted November 8, 2008 Author Posted November 8, 2008 Uh, it's out of the ordinary to have sex with one's boss? Exactly what world are you living in today mr jj33. Oh and no, I am not having sex with them at the same time. I thought that was explanatory. My last employer I was having a romantic relationship and the problem is with this boss. Now, if you want to sit there and laugh like children in high school, I'll go elsewhere for adult support in this serious matter. jw, do i want a happy ending? Did you not comprehend my post whatsoever? And no, it's not selfish when it was putting a roof over my husband's head for a few years. My life doesn't just revolve around me. What I asked is what I can legally do about this current predicament and the only one who answered it in an adult manner first understanding the problem at hand was a few and thanks for that, but it still doesn't sound reassuring. I do not want this blown up because I have my husband to protect. Now if you have been in this situation, let me know your experiences on how it can be dealt with quietly at work.
Bryanp Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 I do not understand your statements: 1. You said it is not selfish to be screwing other men for the past 3 years because for the past few years you have been putting a roof over your husband's head? This is your justification? If your husband had been working and you staying at home he would have been justified screwing other women for the past few years also? 2. You say you do not want any of this coming out because of your desire to protect your husband?...Oh Please. Don't you mean you do not want any of this coming out because you do not wish to deal with the consequences of your actions by betraying your husband with other men for the past 3 years and putting him at risk for STD's?
pelicanpreacher Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 You initially stated that your husband wasn't much of an earner. Now you assert that it is through your sole efforts that he has a roof over his head. I sense a deep undercurrent of resentment harbored toward your husband on the money front and I believe this provides the impetus for your entitlement attitude regarding inappropriate behavior with other men, especially those endowed with money and power. The question that begs is how do you assess your husband's status in your relationship? As your partner, superior, or subordinate? Conversely, how does your husband assess his role as well? If men, who have traditonally been the breadwinner in the relationship, espoused an attitude you've just portrayed you'd find the same harsh admonishons hurled at them as well so forget about curling your lip about the fact that your mindset disturbs others. You need to make a decison here and now about how you feel about your husband with regards to issues surrounding money and its illusion of power for if you can't resolve this you will never have the marriage you want with him and will continually find yourself in this predicament in the future!
sadintexas Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 I apologize for my post being rude. I don't mean to make you feel worse when you have come here looking for help. I have not been in your situation, so I can't offer any personal perspective, but other than moving to another job, I don't know that there's much action you can take without exposing what's been going on, other than saying no and taking the risk of being fired. If you choose to do whatever necessary to get out, I'd suggest talking to a labor law attorney and the EEOC.
Holding-On Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 To end this farcical parody of sex within at your job you should first start saving your panties and begin surreptiously tape recording your sessions. Within those panties lies evidence that will identify who you've sexually engaged with and, with the tape recorded evidence of these interludes, you now have leverage to expose all the dirty details of these encounters with candor beyond reproach. You still have the dicey problem of consensuality stemming from the outset of your infidelities but none of this shouldl be evident or relevant to the circumstances you find yourself in because you can use the threat that HR or the Department of Labor will pursue their own agenda(s) to punish all parties involved in your sexual harrassment within the workplace regardless of who started what with whom. Be careful for those who have something to lose may find their solution(s) expediently satisfied should the world lose you! I agree with this. Tape your boss responding to you saying that you feel like a prostitute and threatened into having sex. If you can, tape him saying that you have to have sex with him to keep your job. He seems like a complete manipulating @$$ Clearly he targeted you as his victim from the outset. It is probably that you seemed so in need of money. Keep a journal. Get some individual counselling. Come clean with your husband about the "affair" born of you feeling you couldn't lose your job. This may light a fire under your husband and certainly means that your boss cannot threaten to tell your husband (you'll have beat him to the punch). Then: Tell your boss that you have the tapes. Tell him you have evidence. Tell him you are no longer enjoying your make out sessions and that if he doesn't leave you alone and keep your work situation all fine and dandy (no revenge on you), you will be contacting HR, the police and his wife (don't have to do the last but you sure can threaten). Keep copies of the tapes with your will and somewhere else safe (such as with your counsellor). Inform your boss that other people know and have copies. (this is to prevent a sociopath like your boss from extreme action that Pelican suggested - I mean if your boss is capable of this I'd say he's capable of pretty much anything). and then keep looking for other work.
SoulStorm Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 She can get the boss in trouble for having sex with a co worker, but she is a willing participant in all this. She even justifies it by stating she puts a roof over her husband's head. If that's not a distorted entitlement perception,I don't know what is "I can screw my boss because I put a roof over my husband's head" Like it was mentioned earlier, if men who put a roof over their wive's head said this, they would get flamed too. That is downright harsh and selfish to inflict this kind of hurt on your husband that he may be completely oblivious to. Gather evidence Turn your boss in and just have sex with your husband Lord of Mercy, what is this world coming to?
lkjh Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 What can she turn her boss in for? She was willing to start this and never said no. I think it is wrong to put the blame on her boss just because this guy has gotten use to the idea of sex with her. She is responsible for her own actions. She clearly does not have a problem cheating since this her second affair and she even justifies it.
Geishawhelk Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 It's a ludicrous position for anyone to get themselves into, but it's not one from which they could not extricate themselves. The thing to practice would be the word "No". And the thing to steadfastly stubbornly refuse to do is to remove one's underwear, or comply with even insisted-upon requests. The word 'No' is a powerful weapon. Once wielded, people know precisely where you stand.
SoulStorm Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 What can she turn her boss in for? She was willing to start this and never said no. I think it is wrong to put the blame on her boss just because this guy has gotten use to the idea of sex with her. She is responsible for her own actions. She clearly does not have a problem cheating since this her second affair and she even justifies it. The only reason I said turn in the boss is because he is breaking fraternization laws of most employment policies. It is inappropriate and unlawful for bosses to have sex with co-workers because this promotes favoritism. Albeit, she is also in the wrong for being a willing participant and probably would get fired too or put on probation. No win situation
Dexter Morgan Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 Uh, it's out of the ordinary to have sex with one's boss? Exactly what world are you living in today mr jj33. Oh and no, I am not having sex with them at the same time. I thought that was explanatory. My last employer I was having a romantic relationship and the problem is with this boss. Now, if you want to sit there and laugh like children in high school, I'll go elsewhere for adult support in this serious matter. jw, do i want a happy ending? Did you not comprehend my post whatsoever? I think he comprehended it just fine. And no, it's not selfish when it was putting a roof over my husband's head for a few years. so since you were putting a roof over your husband's head, that gives you cart blanche to cheat on him?? Do you hear yourself here?? My life doesn't just revolve around me. What I asked is what I can legally do about this current predicament and the only one who answered it in an adult manner first understanding the problem at hand was a few and thanks for that, but it still doesn't sound reassuring. What can you do "legally" about the "predicament" you put yourself in? here is the thing. Even if you were a willing participant, you still have a sexual harrassment case against the employers. It sucks that in this day and age, someone can be a more than willing participant in sex with their bosses, and still sue them. Just because something is the law, doesn't make it right. I do not want this blown up because I have my husband to protect. Now if you have been in this situation, let me know your experiences on how it can be dealt with quietly at work. You get a new job. And hopefully one with an unattractive boss.
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