movingonandon Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 so I'm in another city for a couple of days, and I have a friend there. The point is that she isn't that close of a friend, but she's one of my ex's BEST friends. So I'm debating whether to call her for a beer. Obviously, I realise that that's a de facto a half assed attempt to contact the ex without contacting her - no need to tell me that! I'm just wondering how bad could it get, can't I just call her, entirely avoid the topic, and just look awesome, or am I just fooling myself...
norajane Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 movingonandon? Calling up your ex's best friend for a beer does NOT sound like moving on and on. Nope, not at all. It sounds like extending how long you stay mired in your past.
lofi_tokyo Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 so I'm in another city for a couple of days, and I have a friend there. The point is that she isn't that close of a friend, but she's one of my ex's BEST friends. So I'm debating whether to call her for a beer. Obviously, I realise that that's a de facto a half assed attempt to contact the ex without contacting her - no need to tell me that! I'm just wondering how bad could it get, can't I just call her, entirely avoid the topic, and just look awesome, or am I just fooling myself... When my bestfriend's ex called me up just to hang out since he was in my area? It SCREAMED he's not over her. He wanted to hold onto some sort of connection with her, through me. I also think he was in denial about falling out of her life, and part of her life is her social circle - so by hanging out with me, he was able to pretend he was still part of her world. Worst case scenario? Can't really say. The world could end. One thing that could happen though is your ex's friend COULD think you're being a bit too clingy still, she will definitely tell your ex about, they'll probably discuss why you're doing that, then determine how your bizzare behavior must be some sort of reach out, then they'll slowly conclude you're being a bit pathetic. In a way, its worse than plain ol' contacting your ex. Because! If you contact your ex, it could be interpreted as you honestly just wanting friendship, and since your ex loved you once, she probably wouldn't put you up for ridicule with her friends. If you contact her friend, then you're putting her friend and her in a position to talk about you, and since shes trying to get over you, it would probably lead to a negative conversation.
Author movingonandon Posted November 6, 2008 Author Posted November 6, 2008 10x; 2 replies sufficed to show me that i've underestimated how bad the idea was; goot thing i checked in my motives remain unclear (part of me is not over, part of me just wants to be a happy jackass and show it off to her at least indirectly), but, it won't work that way as we know
Author movingonandon Posted November 6, 2008 Author Posted November 6, 2008 When my bestfriend's ex called me up just to hang out since he was in my area? It SCREAMED he's not over her. He wanted to hold onto some sort of connection with her, through me. I also think he was in denial about falling out of her life, and part of her life is her social circle - so by hanging out with me, he was able to pretend he was still part of her world. Worst case scenario? Can't really say. The world could end. One thing that could happen though is your ex's friend COULD think you're being a bit too clingy still, she will definitely tell your ex about, they'll probably discuss why you're doing that, then determine how your bizzare behavior must be some sort of reach out, then they'll slowly conclude you're being a bit pathetic. In a way, its worse than plain ol' contacting your ex. Because! If you contact your ex, it could be interpreted as you honestly just wanting friendship, and since your ex loved you once, she probably wouldn't put you up for ridicule with her friends. If you contact her friend, then you're putting her friend and her in a position to talk about you, and since shes trying to get over you, it would probably lead to a negative conversation. well in this case it is a bit more complicated than that - she's the one who says that she wants to get back together, and I'm the one who keeps a distance since i'm far from convinced that she really understands the implications of what she did, but I also don't want to cut her off completely, since I'm willing to give the benefit of the doubt over a period of time, in case if she finally understands how to approach talks of possible reconciliation properly; regardless, contacting the friend is still a bad idea;
Crestfallen_KH Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 Yeah, leave the friend out of it. Sounds like there's a bit of game playing going on here, and a third party really doesn't have a piece on the board.
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