unsuregirl05 Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 So, for a little background info, my bf and I have been together for about 6 months. Our relationship is on the whole really good; we are in love, get along great, have a similar sense of humour, etc etc. I absolutely love being with him and vice versa. In fact I have never felt so wholly attracted to somebody (emotionally, socially, and physically). I do not question his faithfulness at all. However last weekend I was staying at his apartment and using his computer while he was in the shower (I frequently use it to check my email and such). Being too nosy for my own good I snooped through his pictures and what I saw made me regret ever having looked. There were hundreds of pictures of him and his last ex having sex. In every way, shape, and form. Now, the files hadn't been accessed in a while, so it's not like he's looking at them. But seeing them made me feel sick to my stomach. I confronted him about it, against my better judgement because I know it was MY FAULT for poking around where I shouldn't have been. And he got upset that I was looking through his stuff, rightfully so, and said I should not be mad at him for something that was in the past. I said I was not mad just concerned that he still had them. He said it was obvious they hadn't been accessed in ages so why should it matter? I agreed to drop it and move on. However, I can't get the concern out of my head, as he hasn't made any effort to get rid of the pictures. They are allllll still there. Should I be worried that he hasn't deleted them? Seeing them was bad and disturbing enough, and now that the "oh, I forgot they were there" excuse has worn off I am wondering why he still has them.
Mary3 Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 Well snooping usually leads to bad results. Chances are if you are looking for something rotten , you might just find it. From your bf's perspective , you had no right digging into the dirt trying to find something. You found something and you confronted him with it. He is not happy. Why does he have the pictures ? Because they are a memory. Likely an erotic memory. He will NOT remove them. Thats like asking a guy to block his own access to Porn. He will keep them. He may have you think he got rid of them,. Is he wrong ? Not in his eyes. Not nice in your eyes,. I would let it go. He can make a back up file and keeps all those HOT pics for his pleasure later. Remember guys are visual. I know it horrifies you and shocks you to see them. Best not go snooping. Some may disagree with me but a guy likes what he likes. I would not snoop thus I would not find.
norajane Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 You know how girls keep diaries and journals and make scrap books? Guys keep their sex pics and movies. It's his personal sex record. No way he'll get rid of that unless forced to. If you make it an issue at 6 months, he may decide he'd prefer to keep his sex record and get rid of you. He might be willing to delete them for a fiancee, but you are a long way from there. You, of course, are free to walk away if you don't like it and can't accept it. He chose to leave the pics on his computer instead of copying and storing on a cd or dvd to make it appear he deleted them. He's obviously made his choice already. Now, it's your call on what you will or won't accept.
Ruby Slippers Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 I have taken sex pictures with a couple of my exes, and I still have them, but they are tucked away in my computer, where they belong. While I was with my last boyfriend, I never once looked at the pictures with the previous guy (though I did once a while after we broke up -- hey, I'm single and frisky!). I don't think it's anything to worry about. In fact, I would have been very pissed if my ex had snooped and looked through my personal sex folder! More worrisome is why you felt the need to snoop -- do you not trust him?
SushiX Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 Would you make him throw away his porno dvds and mags too if you found them? That's his private life he probably didnt want you to see just yet, especially with an ex. Even if you tell him to delete it he'll already have copies backed up somewhere. This is normal. Just about every man has something like this laying around on the computer. I know I do!
Geishawhelk Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 I'm beginning to think my guy isn't 'normal'.... he dislikes pornography, has NOTHING on any of his previous relationships hidden or evident, anywhere, dislikes being hit on by women, and rings me at least twice, if he's out with colleagues and friends....!
mara80 Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 "You know how girls keep diaries and journals and make scrap books? Guys keep their sex pics and movies. It's his personal sex record." I totally subscribe to that...it happened to me this summer...to seen pictures of the current bf ( at the time) with an ex of him...nor pornographic but..let's say...more tender:0 i didn't make me feel good at all...but hey...we all have a past. i guess you should try to forget them...they probably mean nothing to him
CandyGirlXO Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 I also have pictures of EXES of this nature as well and I would never get rid of it unless of course I were married/engaged. I can see why it upsets you but that's his past. A BF I had before asked me to trash the pictures...we had a huge fight over it. I told him I trashed them but I never did. 3 years later we are no longer together and now I'm glad I didn't throw away my pictures. Let it go or let him go.
Mary3 Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 You know how girls keep diaries and journals and make scrap books? Guys keep their sex pics and movies. It's his personal sex record. No way he'll get rid of that unless forced to. If you make it an issue at 6 months, he may decide he'd prefer to keep his sex record and get rid of you. He might be willing to delete them for a fiancee, but you are a long way from there. You, of course, are free to walk away if you don't like it and can't accept it. He chose to leave the pics on his computer instead of copying and storing on a cd or dvd to make it appear he deleted them. He's obviously made his choice already. Now, it's your call on what you will or won't accept. Beautifully Spoken
joshaz Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 You should probably post them to the net so we can judge if you should be offended by them.
kashmir Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 You know how girls keep diaries and journals and make scrap books? Guys keep their sex pics and movies. It's his personal sex record. No way he'll get rid of that unless forced to. If you make it an issue at 6 months, he may decide he'd prefer to keep his sex record and get rid of you. He might be willing to delete them for a fiancee, but you are a long way from there. You, of course, are free to walk away if you don't like it and can't accept it. He chose to leave the pics on his computer instead of copying and storing on a cd or dvd to make it appear he deleted them. He's obviously made his choice already. Now, it's your call on what you will or won't accept. Um, seriously? Do most guys do this?
joshaz Posted November 7, 2008 Posted November 7, 2008 Um, seriously? Do most guys do this? Keep porn? Uh... Yeah... Even your father
Mary3 Posted November 7, 2008 Posted November 7, 2008 Keep porn? Uh... Yeah... Even your father My dad didn't have a computer...lol....but I remember a book of naughty jokes he kept...
joshaz Posted November 7, 2008 Posted November 7, 2008 My dad didn't have a computer...lol....but I remember a book of naughty jokes he kept... Tip of the proverbial ice berg. Is there an attic? Basement? Crawl-space? Garage? Under the night-stand? Behind the dresser? Fake-bottom to a drawer? Now you will be wondering won't you... Always suspecting... Thinking to yourself: maybe I shouldn't go looking for my gi joe/barbie collection in the basement lest I accidentally uncover a mountain of Playboys from the 70s.
Mary3 Posted November 7, 2008 Posted November 7, 2008 My dad used to grab my moms bum bum in front of us kids , lol....overactive indeed
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