Peter_pan Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 when everyones partner left or the relationship came to an end did they give you a reason? it seems alot of people got "cheated on" or have a clear reason as to why to stick with there nc etc. i feel a little different. my situation has me confused, we grew apart (3 yrs of being together from 17), had a little break whilst living together still, then things were looking up, she got a new job that i said she should go for, she then met a guy there, fell for him and when i wanted us to be back together as an official couple again it was too late. she was with him. she let me no through an email, we would always be happier on our own or with someone else or whatever, and i want you to know i am seeing -his name- now. ill always hold a place for you in my heart, you where my first love. were her exact words. gave me the brush off basically im just so annoyed, cause before this guy was in the picture she wanted us to be back together, i wasnt sure because i didnt want to argue or feel unsure. next thing i know she slung me to the side and started dating this new guy. im angry at myself for not making my mind up and losing her. im angry that i still care and she didnt give a monkeys, even back then !!!! i guess somewhere inside me is wanting to get her back or something. me going nc made it easier for her obviously. i guess i hate that she is with him. its not fair. it pisses me off. the way i see things is that normally for someone to be so cruel or heartless is because they have a reason to be, i did nothing wrong yet she was making me out to look like the bad guy. to ease her guilt? and just go off with someone she knew for a matter of weeks, yet id been there for her for over 3 years just seems crazy. she literally said, ive changed people change, i would be lying to you if i came back. im sorry. worst thing is, i know it was my fault. i could have been better. i made mistakes, i wanted a second chance and she wouldnt and couldnt give it to me. so now i live in regret. thanks . i knew what i had to change. ive become a better person. all i ever wanted was for her to see that. no one else. i used to have ocd and i know that caused stress. maybe trust between us was lost? its just we had something very special and for it to go wrong and for me not to know why or be able to fix it, drives me crazy tbh. ugh sorry people.
foxh1234 Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 when everyones partner left or the relationship came to an end did they give you a reason? it seems alot of people got "cheated on" or have a clear reason as to why to stick with there nc etc. i feel a little different. my situation has me confused, we grew apart (3 yrs of being together from 17), had a little break whilst living together still, then things were looking up, she got a new job that i said she should go for, she then met a guy there, fell for him and when i wanted us to be back together as an official couple again it was too late. she was with him. she let me no through an email, we would always be happier on our own or with someone else or whatever, and i want you to know i am seeing -his name- now. ill always hold a place for you in my heart, you where my first love. were her exact words. gave me the brush off basically im just so annoyed, cause before this guy was in the picture she wanted us to be back together, i wasnt sure because i didnt want to argue or feel unsure. next thing i know she slung me to the side and started dating this new guy. im angry at myself for not making my mind up and losing her. im angry that i still care and she didnt give a monkeys, even back then !!!! i guess somewhere inside me is wanting to get her back or something. me going nc made it easier for her obviously. i guess i hate that she is with him. its not fair. it pisses me off. the way i see things is that normally for someone to be so cruel or heartless is because they have a reason to be, i did nothing wrong yet she was making me out to look like the bad guy. to ease her guilt? and just go off with someone she knew for a matter of weeks, yet id been there for her for over 3 years just seems crazy. she literally said, ive changed people change, i would be lying to you if i came back. im sorry. worst thing is, i know it was my fault. i could have been better. i made mistakes, i wanted a second chance and she wouldnt and couldnt give it to me. so now i live in regret. thanks . i knew what i had to change. ive become a better person. all i ever wanted was for her to see that. no one else. i used to have ocd and i know that caused stress. maybe trust between us was lost? its just we had something very special and for it to go wrong and for me not to know why or be able to fix it, drives me crazy tbh. ugh sorry people. Hi PP, I have talked to you on this site for a long time now and I am a little worried about you my friend. Stop the what ifs and could have beens man. Thye are not going to change the reality of the situation. I have been where you are and it is a never ending cycle that will only prolong your pain. You cannot change the past, she is gone and probably not coming back. Is it hard to accept ? Of course it is but you must do it. All of this thinking you are doing and playing the blame game is keeping you in a rut. You will not become the man you should be until you break free from the hold she still has on you. You can do this, start moving forward and put the past where it belongs. I say this to you with the best intentions. I just don't want you to waste anymore time on this one. You are young and you will find another lady that will not leave you. Trust me, I am older and wiser.
lofi_tokyo Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 Hi PP, I have talked to you on this site for a long time now and I am a little worried about you my friend. Stop the what ifs and could have beens man. Thye are not going to change the reality of the situation. I have been where you are and it is a never ending cycle that will only prolong your pain. You cannot change the past, she is gone and probably not coming back. Is it hard to accept ? Of course it is but you must do it. All of this thinking you are doing and playing the blame game is keeping you in a rut. You will not become the man you should be until you break free from the hold she still has on you. You can do this, start moving forward and put the past where it belongs. I say this to you with the best intentions. I just don't want you to waste anymore time on this one. You are young and you will find another lady that will not leave you. Trust me, I am older and wiser. That last line was cute. I've been thinking the same thing Peter! It seems like you already know the answers. You keep blaming yourself but the thing is, and this is the truth here, had you been different, you probably would have broken up anyways. AND REGARDLESS of how you could have changed, its over now. Donedonedone. Final. No answers you seek will change the end result. It seems to me like you're searching for answers endlessly because you're afraid of letting go. You keep needing more answers, even though so many have been given, because you don't want to move on. You want the answer which is: Shes coming back. It was all a bad dream. You've done your penance and the time has come for her to return. At some point, you need to just tell yourself - it does not matter WHY shes gone, or if you have a REASON to dislike her or not, because she IS GONE. She is NOT COMING BACK. It is OVER. No matter what our stories have been - if we have been cheated on, left for another person, left completely in the dark, left over something seemingly insignificant, left over something fixable, left over our own faults - those of us with ex's all have something in common: it is over. That is all you need. You can convince yourself if you just had a little more you'd move on. You need that closure. Well the door has been slammed in your face my friend. I wish I could be less harsh, but I guess I am capable of being less mean, but I think you just need to hear it like it is. Theres only so much that can be said. Time to move on!
Author Peter_pan Posted November 6, 2008 Author Posted November 6, 2008 yet again great posts. !!! ok well its clear then i cant let go. ive tried to move on and in retrospect i have. with certain things. i dont think ill ever find someone like her again. really. i dont feel important without her. i miss everything, even her family. no one is going to replace her. i hate that im missing her and will always do. sad times
EmperorR Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 lets see my ex cheated on me, then blamed me for not givng her to much attention then it changed to me giving her to much attention and she wanted to be alone, then a few days later she has butterflies fro the first guy she sees, now shes dating the turd. 41 days NC, some days I feel great like oh I don't care about her then the next day Im weak, im so tempted to txt call every day but I wll not. Knowing its over is the hardest part.
Author Peter_pan Posted November 6, 2008 Author Posted November 6, 2008 thats rubbish man, how old are you now? see i kinda do and dont wish that happened to me, it would hurt more but having that scenario would be easier to know exactly why your in nc
EmperorR Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 thats rubbish man, how old are you now? see i kinda do and dont wish that happened to me, it would hurt more but having that scenario would be easier to know exactly why your in nc 23 she's 20, started dathing when I was 20 and she was 17, and even though she has done all that to me, i still did the freinds crap for two weeks before i slapped myself. That's how I can say NC really does work, she was my best friend really my only friend the past 3 years and I lost her, did NC all alone no one to talk to, no shoulder to cry on but I managed and now I'm so strong literally. I sitll love my ex and I'll always love her, if she really changed and apologized and called me again I don't know if I would say yes or No, but a fw weeks ago it was yes yes yes. If I can do it anyone can.
Author Peter_pan Posted November 6, 2008 Author Posted November 6, 2008 yeah im sure eventually we can all do it. i just read a post in the second chances "i guess it happens to everyone" and tokyo said, this guy is probably going to regret it, she is a great catch. that totally opened my eyes as to why im hurting. because we mutually agreed to be single and then later i knew i wanted her, but she left me and moved on, i feel like its all my fault and i regret it. im feeling like i let her go and i didnt want to!! so what do i do
EmperorR Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 yeah im sure eventually we can all do it. i just read a post in the second chances "i guess it happens to everyone" and tokyo said, this guy is probably going to regret it, she is a great catch. that totally opened my eyes as to why im hurting. because we mutually agreed to be single and then later i knew i wanted her, but she left me and moved on, i feel like its all my fault and i regret it. im feeling like i let her go and i didnt want to!! so what do i do I don't want to let go either, every day I feel like im groinw further apart, and thats one thing I hate. I mean I found out shes dating someone new, I was only sad for like 2 minutes then didn't care. my ex msged me on what would have been three years, i just deleted the text, maybe I'm being rude but so what she was rude and mean and disloyal to me. You have to put yourself . That's one thing I'm learning put yourself first, all you have is you and God, there is nothing you can do to change how the other person feels nothing, its up to them. In the earlier days after the braekup etc. I would check second chances forum daily hoping for a story close to mine and positive results, now 41 days later NC, i dont even visit that subforum, little things like that.
Author Peter_pan Posted November 6, 2008 Author Posted November 6, 2008 yeh i did that to, its been ages in nc roughly 8 months... did you live with her? one thing that realllly bothers me is that when she came down in june, she went on a coffee with my best mate and asked about me... how i was... whats my mobile... and she let him no what she was up to and that she wasnt with him anymore. she was playing the single game. i love how she thinks its a game. how she can just turn on and off what she wants. i was hoping at the time this would mean id finally hear from her.... nope
lofi_tokyo Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 ** I'm pretty sure that post of mine was in the breakup forums! Not second chances!
Author Peter_pan Posted November 6, 2008 Author Posted November 6, 2008 ** I'm pretty sure that post of mine was in the breakup forums! Not second chances! oops yeh!!!!!
BackonTrack2 Posted November 7, 2008 Posted November 7, 2008 I've just read your post and it reminded me of my situation a few months back. It is almost identicial. Gave me the Brush-Off Strung me along. She was my closest friend. Brushed me Off Was seeing another guy. ETC/ETC After a few months, about 5 months I kept expecting she was coming back, but she never did. About month 6 I was getting upset and angry she was still on my mind. The following month, I met someone and we had a good conversation and after that day, I stop waking up thinking about the EX. Its been about 8 months now and I still talk to her. After reading the text I just wrote to you, I realize that I never fully picked myself back up. I am still pitying myself as you are doing now. I never fully bounced back, only enough to stop the pain. You will never understand the reasons or get closure, it comes from within you. She is never coming back. She really did leave and is happy. Its sad but its true. You are going to remember her for a long time. The only thing that can help you is time and filling that time with activities. The other thing that can help you is physical exercise and getting the blood going. Books and eating good are also helpful. Your mind, soul, and body has to detox now. Its over. Your 23 and starting a new life. Good Luck to you.
alwayssme Posted November 7, 2008 Posted November 7, 2008 i see that a lot of people here go through the same emotions pretty much. being in the denial stage is the worst...it literally drove me insane because i just could not accept that the person i considered to be a part of me, was gone out of my life...in the blink of an eye. BUT we have to accept that this is reality. I know it is extremely hard, for me it felt like somebody was trying to pull my heart out of my chest. I cried and tried to get back with him but i finally realized that i had NO CONTROL over the situation anymore. As much as i loved him and still do, i had to let go. and that's what you need to do. accept it. acceptance still hurts alot, don't get me wrong. I still feel sad and cry sometimes but what is there left to do? It takes two people to be in a relationship. Being with that person or wishing for things to be how they used to, simply is not an option. Therefore? You just have to go on with your life, it doesn't mean you're not going to hurt or that you'll wake up the next morning feeling good. It simply means you have accepted that this is your new reality and that you just have to deal with it. Things don't always turn out as planned and in the end you will be a better, more mature person for enduring this much pain. Best wishes!
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