dansjournal Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 I broke up with my girlfriend in aug., and it's now 2 1/2 months later. I literally feel pain every evening and morning, then finally make it to work and forget all about her, only to return home to the same pain. I contacted her last night, just a text after Obama won, and I feel guilty about that, and also stupid because I've tried texting her randomly over the last few weeks, and she's clearly moved on. I'm starting to feel depressed, and bothered by my obsessive thoughts. I'm looking for someone who I can talk to maybe on a regular basis who can share their experiences. Send me a personal message and we can maybe e-mail. I'm almost in denial about this, but every day I walk into this trap, and the thought of seriously never contacting her ever again hasn't crossed my head yet, I just can't fathom it. Please help.
MichiganMan222 Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 I feel for you man. But you HAVE to stop contacting her. Its poisoning you. It feels like it will feel good to text her, but the hangover you feel when she doesn't respond it awful. It makes you want to do it again and again. You have to stop doing that for your own sake. NC sucks bad, but its the only route to healing. You're actually lucky she's not responding. That makes it even worse in the long run. You have convince yourself she is never coming back and go from there. Painful, but worth it in the end. You will be OK.
lofi_tokyo Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 You broke up with her? And now you want her back?
Author dansjournal Posted November 6, 2008 Author Posted November 6, 2008 I guess i'm no different than anyone here. I need NC to move on. I have urgest to contact my ex like most people do, however, I haven't come across someone in my exact situation. I always felt like this girl was amazing, and I grew a lot from her, but also knew I didn't love her, and as things got near the end, I had a hard time realizing I was going to have to cut one of my best friends and someone who taught me so much and helped me so much professionally, because I didn't see our romantic relationship lasting. I even told her that I knew we had a deep connection, but not necessarily a "spiritual" connection, or basically a connection that would bond us forever. But intellectually, she meant so much to me. This is a bad example, but imagine Bill and Hillary had gotten divorced, I guess there's be a lot of bad blood there, but I'm sure their passion for politics at some point would make them talk (or as I'm thinking about it, I can see how a break-up can bring an end to even those close professional bonds). I think that's the part I'm having a hard time letting go of.
lofi_tokyo Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 It sounds to me like you don't want her back as a girlfriend, right, but you want her friendship back? If the two of you ended amicably, and when you broke it off, she kind of just accepted it and walked away, you two can probably be friends again SOMEDAY. If she walked away then shes a strong woman, she'll heal and yes, she probably has moved on. That being said, you probably still hurt her deeply, and 2.5months of not talking is definitely not enough to make it okay for you to call/text her. You need to let her heal. I'm sorry you lost a best friend. Unfortunately, that happens with breakups. Maybe someday you can have a friendship, but it will never be the same. The fact that she helped you so much, and was such a close friend, shows shes was very emotionally committed to you. Now that you've broken her heart, I don't know if you'll ever get that level of friendship back. It will more likely be kind of a chat once every few months kind of deal, at best. You'll find a new woman to love, a new woman to be close friends with. It can happen. If you, as I suspect is not the case, want her back romantically, there may still be an option at getting her back as a partner, but as a friend? I'd give it time. Lots of time.
Author dansjournal Posted November 6, 2008 Author Posted November 6, 2008 We actually started dating about 2 years ago, and after 6 months it ended, went through a period of NC, started talking again, then dating, then it ended the 2nd time. There is no possibility of us getting back together again (unless in 5 years we're both still single and our paths cross, but i've already burned bridges from 2 break-ups now). the truth is i probably do need time, it's just hard to see it now, and until i meet someone new it'll be hard for me to forget this girl. i will give it time though, and have begun online dating and trying to find clubs to join just to get out there and even to find people to talk through my situation. thanks for advice.
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