Jay34 Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 we have been long distance for over a year, and we talked for several months before i even met her, she had been wanting to come see me for a long time and because of insecurities i told her not too, she was always showing love and it got to the point where i stopped saying i love you and she started to distance herself after it didn't appear i was going to see her, i then finally did see her based on fear that our relationship would end if i didnt take a big step, we got a long great but i could tell she wasn't into me nearly as much, i had found out a month after i saw her that she had kissed another guy and it hurt me badly, i broke up with her but within 2 weeks we were back together and i decided to forgive her because i felt i was neglecting her all those months by telling her i was coming to see her and never going, but since we have been back together she hasn't been the same, she doesn't seem nearly as interested and as close to me and we never talk about the future anymore, part of it is because we can't see an end, she lives at home and doesn't have the money to be moving out. i have invited her to spend a week with me on the holidays and i know this might be the last time i see her if she comes, but the bottom line is that i don't want it to be, i just don't know how to get things back to where they were, it was to the point before i saw her the first time that i was verbally abusive because of frustrations not releated to her and i think in part she never has forgiven me, but the fact that she is still with me means there has to be some hope, i have offered to fly her here but im only thinking theres a 20% chance she would be able to come, we have that kind of soulmate connection and we are a team whenever we are together, it seems like we make each other better, is there anything i can do to make things the way they were and begin to trust her fully again.
UnamedSeven Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 To answer your question stated in your last sentence, yes there is a way. You can make it up to her by showing her, (during that week you may spend with her) that you really are sorry for the things you've done to her. I just decided to end a close friendship with someone due to us constantly fighting and we both began to stop trusting each other after what happened over the summer. The bottom line, you may have to show her that you really want there to be something stronger than what there is now because of how she's been acting or it could mean that you and her are just meant to be only friends.
Author Jay34 Posted November 5, 2008 Author Posted November 5, 2008 i'm hoping to get that chance, because i know if she doesn't see me this time i don't think things will work, i feel like just sending her the ticket and a letter basically saying i know if its tough but life is worth taking the chance, i know she has it tough with school and work atm but if our relationship is going to work there has to be sacrifices, i seem much more willing to make them
UnamedSeven Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 She may just feel that with school and work, there is really no room for someone in her life. From what it sounds like, that may only be a part of the case. I know, for a fact, that she isn't totally over you. Hell, im still not over the person who i still love and she feels like i don't even exist to her anymore. The point is, there is always room for hope. Even in her life.
Author Jay34 Posted November 7, 2008 Author Posted November 7, 2008 i am not over her either but the fact is, even though i know it is financially tough to see me, that i have offered to pay for her flight and she still is giving me the i dont know routine, i know she has it harder than most her age but i felt it was time to give her the either come or i dont see a future in this if you cant make a commitment, its very unsettling. i told her to think about it and if she still says no or i dont know the next time i ask i am going to end it, i have done the best i can. does anyone have any other solutions ?
UnamedSeven Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 Now-a-days, an airfare ticket is pretty costly and she may not be willing to accept it. If its really getting to be painful, then i would let her know that its "now or never". If she cant make up her mind, your not going to put yours on hold for her. Word of advice, she really isn't the only one out there. If things are meant to happen, then they will
Author Jay34 Posted November 10, 2008 Author Posted November 10, 2008 after not answering my call and email i decided to let things stir for 2 days, she finally contacted me and she said even within these 2 days she hasn't felt very good because she knows i am all or nothing and she explained her concerns rationally, with her parents, they will cut her off and kick her out because they don't support her traveling, i told her i didn't want to pressure her into making a decision like that, but of course i would support her decision if she wanted too, she told me she didn't want to go back into that cycle of looking for people to date when she said no one can compare to me and that she would probably never be able to open herself up to someone again, i told her how she pushes me away a lot and she said it is because she is afraid to commit to someone who is so far away especially when we dont have the money, i agree 100%, the thing is i can't keep talking not knowing if we have a plan, i have made that clear, i dont want her to have to choose between her family and me but i want to see her at least show me that if this is what she wants she will fight for it, god knows i have. she started to break down crying because she didn't want to lose me, i am of course hoping we can make this work even through all the drama, but i am still keeping myself a little contained. how is this possibly workable in a long distance relationship 1500 Miles away and a disapproving family and she is broke! i feel for her because my family isnt the best but hers is far from a family, even though i try not to let it weigh on me, i find myself thinking about it all day.
UnamedSeven Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 What you can keep in mind, is that nothing holds you two closer than the love you have for each other. Without that, its all bones and nothing even exists. Once the love starts to disappear, one-by-one, everything else does. The feelings suddenly Vanish and no one knows why. You name it, its probably gone What you can do in this tough time, is you can tell her that eventually, love will see through the majority of yours and her problems. If you really want to apply yourself for this, have you tryed a webcam chat of some sort? it would take the money out of the situation, while allowing her to physically see you.
Author Jay34 Posted November 14, 2008 Author Posted November 14, 2008 things were going ok and she has told me finally she was coming to see me that she wanted to try everything she could to make it work, i then logged onto her facebook, we were on the phone looking at eachothers at the same time and i noticed the guy she kissed was still on there, she never deleted him?!? i asked her about it and she said o, i haven't talked to him since june, i will delete him, then the next day and she didnt delete him, so all day today i haven't talked to her, its not that big of a deal but she seems so insensitive, should i not talk to her until she deletes him, i know its childish, but she seems to have no consideration
UnamedSeven Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 Well, this same concept about keeping an old ex's number in your Contacts on your phone. I still have mine, but i always forget to delete it and to tell you the truth, it will be very hard for me to do. If she does try to talk to you, then, right off the bat, ask her about the guy she kissed and if she still has him as a friend on Facebook (basically, just act like you don't know anything). Otherwise, yes don't contact her
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