wallflower77 Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 So, I've been seeing this guy for about 2 months, nothing official. He is in his early 30's and I am in my early 20's. When he first started seeing each other, he lived alone, then his lesbian friend moved in which I didn't mind at all, but now a girl a couple of years closer in age to him has moved in as well. She is very pretty, is in the same line of work as him (science, so I feel like I don't even know what their talking about) and seems to be very much like him in a lot of ways (how they dress, act, etc.). Last night was the first time I met her and it seemed like he was talking with her more than me. Maybe that's paranoia, but it just makes me very jealous, like I feel that he is probably thinking about her in "that" way, which bothers me. Since we are not really official and not really seeing each other for that long, and since I am so much younger than him, I feel like I couldn't have had any say in who lives with him and can't really say that this bothers me. Another thing about it that bothered me is that she moved in the same day she went to see the place because she was in some huge rush to get out of her ex boyfriends place. That day I didn't even talk to him and then he only really told me that she had moved in after I asked him how the viewing went. It just seems sketchy to me. I was basically getting pissed all last week that he really didn't contact me at all and whenever we did talk in one form or another (AIM or phone), he was busy with his new roommates and basically ignoring me. I was thinking this isn't worth this, but then I hung out with him over the weekend and he was being especially nice. But then when I met his new roommate yesterday, I began to worry and don't know if it's worth it to continue on and have to worry. I mean maybe I should trust him or whatever, but there seems to be no clear progression of our relationship so I don't know what to do. Last night, we were laying in bed together and I was just like "oh wow we've known eachother for two months already" because I realized how long it had been and he was like "i don't really think about time, I just think of you as who you are, and you are a special person, and I always feel good when I'm with you or hear your voice", but it seemed almost that he was afraid I was like looking to get into an official relationship with him, so I was like "ok you didn't really need to say all of that although it was nice, but I was just making an observation really". I don't know, I guess I'm just worried about the whole thing in general, has anyone had any similar experiences and what happened? Any advice or commentary would help greatly. Thanks!
Bryanp Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 I think you have every right to be concern. Commonality of interest is the key. I wonder how he would be feeling if the roles were reversed? My guess is that you are probably fighting a losing battle. You judge a person by their actions and not by their words.
Author wallflower77 Posted November 6, 2008 Author Posted November 6, 2008 Thank you Bryan. I don't know how he would be feeling and I think I am afraid to share my feelings with him because of the age difference and because we are not really official yet. I think I'm going to sit down with him tonight and try to clear things up a little. I'm going to ask if he's dating anyone else and see what his response is. Maybe I'll tell him that I just feel a little uncomfortable with the roommate situation and see how he takes it. I don't know what to do. I just feel that this type of conversation with a guy will not have a good outcome. Has anyone else ever had this type of "where is this going" and "your new roommate is making me uncomfortable" conversation with a guy? Please give advice before tonight! Thanks.
soconfused01 Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made was thinking I didn't have a right to express myself about what company my boyfriend kept. I'm also in my early 20s and my boyfriend is in his early 30s. When we first got together he hung out with his ex girlfriend A LOT and I didn't stand up for myself about how I felt about it, because I didn't want him to think I was psycho or a mistake, or was taking things too seriously. I still think about how I would have done things differently. Establishing where you guys are is the key. This whole 'not official' thing has tripped up a lot of people and in my experience it's often the guy that holds back being official so he can keep his options open. I think a lot of people would feel worried in your situation. This is a new relationship, you two are still establishing the trust that will carry you if things get serious. Now is not the time to be tested. You should express yourself to him and hopefully he will listen and be sensitive to your feelings. It might be a good idea to try and befriend this girl too, so you can get a better idea of what you're dealing with. I've had my boyfriend hang out with girl friends during times when I didn't trust him at all, but it was ok because I trusted the friends he was with- they were my friends too. Remember, you have a right to feel any way you choose to. And, while it may seem cliche on a forum like this, I'll refer to the advice from that relationship book "He's just not that into you": If he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, he's just not that in to you. If he really likes you, he's going to want to make sure you're official so you're not seeing anyone else! good luck!
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