keechie Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 So, when my roommate and I initially moved into our apartment in July, things seemed to be okay. We both cleaned up after ourselves, we asked each other's permission if we wanted to eat the other's food, etc. Since about September, she has started leaving dirty dishes out and piles of her clothes all over the bathroom and living room. She even left a pot of beef stew on the stove for 6 days last week. It was gross and stunk up the entire apartment. I'm really not a neat-freak myself, but leaving rotting food out for days is absolutely disgusting. The worst thing is that she brought fleas to our apartment, and I have two cats. In the 8 years I have had my cats, they have never once had them. She told me that it wasn't a big deal, and that they must have come when she went to visit her dad, whose dog has fleas. Is it wrong that it's a big deal to me? I mean, fleas carry diseases, my one cat is allergic to them and started losing her fur, and frankly, I don't like the idea of bugs in my bed! So, I got appropriate medicine for the cats, and I vaccuumed and treated the whole apartment. She ended up leaving for two days and staying at her boyfriend's house "because the smell of the bug spray was gross." She finally vaccuumed her bedroom after a week of my asking her over and over again. The third thing, though not quite as big as the flea problem, is that she has been eating my food. I've asked her to please ask first, but most of the time she doesn't tell me that she's eaten something until I've already started looking for it and I ask her if she's seen it. She doesn't seem to get it, and I don't want to be the bitchy roommate, forbidding her from touching my stuff. I'm thinking I am going to tell her that I'm going to start keeping close track of what I spend on food because my money is tight, and that I need to consolidate everything to two shelves in the pantry in order to do this. Perhaps she'll a boundary set and leave my stuff alone? Would that be a good idea, or is it too passive-aggressive? The other thing, and maybe this sounds petty, is that when she uses the dishes (which are mine), she never washes them right away and she leaves them in a pile in the sink. The plates are plastic, and I don't really care what happens to them, but the bowls are ceramic, and they've started chipping and one has actually cracked because of this. I know they're just bowls, but it's really frustrating when I come home after being away for a weekend, and ALL of them are crusty and in a heap in the sink. I've asked her to at least stack them instead of dropping them in, and I even showed her where the one was cracking. I'm thinking I might just start taking them into my bedroom, but that would be a little too passive-aggressive, wouldn't it? Maybe I could get her a set of bowls for her very own as a Christmas present? Anyway, sorry this is long and ranty, but I am at a serious loss as to what to do. This is a temporary living situation. I'm only staying in this apartment until I either finish grad school or move out with my boyfriend when he finishes grad school, so I won't stay for any longer than a year and a half. I just don't want to end up hating her, because she has been a friend of mine for awhile, and she really is a nice girl. It's just that these things are not things I can put up with for much longer, (especially the flea thing and the food thing). How can I handle this situation in a diplomatic way?
kizik Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 IMO you need to get out. She sounds selfish and she isn't going to change her messy habits. You need to make this situation a lot more temporary. Set a date to move out like December 1. You two can remain friends, but perhaps living together is not the best idea. Sometimes it doesn't work out - that's OK! You can "diplomatically" tell her that you're moving Dec. 1st.
Green Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 Your letting all this affect you to much. First off dish's get chipped, second your the one with the pets and flees can come in through the window so you can't be sure the flees are really her fault. Finally you are being really passive agressive and thats part of what is driving you insane. Just tell her straight out in one way or another That you two have been friends and you'd like it to stay that way and that she needs to put dishes and food away after using them. say it in a friendly way flat out tell her to stop eating your food. Do it all friendly and if she still doesn't stop out right tell her she needs to stop and that its driving you crazy. From your perspective you should try to put up with as much of her crap as you can because you'll seem crazy if you keep trying to order her around but I don't think its to much to ask to stop eating your food and to clean up after herself. Good luck... Don't be passive agressive and just communicate with her... if she doesnt change after that you have a enterly new problem
Author keechie Posted November 12, 2008 Author Posted November 12, 2008 Your letting all this affect you to much. First off dish's get chipped, second your the one with the pets and flees can come in through the window so you can't be sure the flees are really her fault. Finally you are being really passive agressive and thats part of what is driving you insane. Just tell her straight out in one way or another That you two have been friends and you'd like it to stay that way and that she needs to put dishes and food away after using them. say it in a friendly way flat out tell her to stop eating your food. Do it all friendly and if she still doesn't stop out right tell her she needs to stop and that its driving you crazy. From your perspective you should try to put up with as much of her crap as you can because you'll seem crazy if you keep trying to order her around but I don't think its to much to ask to stop eating your food and to clean up after herself. Good luck... Don't be passive agressive and just communicate with her... if she doesnt change after that you have a enterly new problem you are right. i guess the dish thing is probably too petty on my part. as for the fleas, she told me that she's certain it's because she was around her dad's dog. also, we live on the third floor, so i don't think they could come in through the windows. the thing that upset me about the fleas though, is that even though she is certain she brought them in, she refused to help me vaccuum and get rid of them. she even got angry with me because she thought the bug spray smelled bad. i guess you're right though- i am going to just have to put up with most of the annoying small stuff. i do plan on talking to her about the food thing though.
Author keechie Posted November 12, 2008 Author Posted November 12, 2008 IMO you need to get out. She sounds selfish and she isn't going to change her messy habits. You need to make this situation a lot more temporary. Set a date to move out like December 1. You two can remain friends, but perhaps living together is not the best idea. Sometimes it doesn't work out - that's OK! You can "diplomatically" tell her that you're moving Dec. 1st. unfortunately, we are locked into a lease that doesn't end until july of next year. although, she just got fired from her job last week, so i may be talking to my landlord about switching to a one bedroom, as i'll have a good reason if she is unable to pay her rent. yeah, i've already accepted that the apartment will never be clean. since i posted this orginal entry, i have been the only one to vaccuum, (the fleas are finally starting to go away) and i've done all of the cleaning, except for when she washed bowls because she had dirtied them all and there were no more. i know that i only posted a week ago, but the mess gets really that bad. i went away for the weekend and when i got back, there was rotting food all over the stove and dirty cups and clothes all over the living room and even in the bathroom. i've also starting only washing my dirty dishes, and when the mess gets really bad, i pile her stuff outside her bedroom door (which she doesn't seem to care anyway). i don't mean to be passive-aggressive, but why should i have to clean up after her? it's really frustrating. it's not even the messy that i mind- it's the unsanitary, rotting food that drives me nuts. sorry to rant. thanks for listening and for the advice.
Adamagnet Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 The previous tenant of the apartment could have had a pet which brought the fleas and carpet cleaning will not eliminate all their eggs. Your story brings back memories of my college days. I had a roommate who was so protective over his food he used cabinet locks! Personally I was a fan of the cammo and psychological techniques. I hid ice cream bars in the costco frozen green bean bags, put beer behind the lettuce in the vegetable crisper, and licked various food items in front of the rommies. The best times with rommates are when you are good friends and there is no tallying of give and take. We would split grocery bills, so no one cared who ate what. I would also recommend just splitting the cost of a once a month maid. If you hate vacuuming, get a Roomba. As a bonus entertainment it will freak out your cats.
Author keechie Posted November 12, 2008 Author Posted November 12, 2008 The previous tenant of the apartment could have had a pet which brought the fleas and carpet cleaning will not eliminate all their eggs. Your story brings back memories of my college days. I had a roommate who was so protective over his food he used cabinet locks! Personally I was a fan of the cammo and psychological techniques. I hid ice cream bars in the costco frozen green bean bags, put beer behind the lettuce in the vegetable crisper, and licked various food items in front of the rommies. The best times with rommates are when you are good friends and there is no tallying of give and take. We would split grocery bills, so no one cared who ate what. I would also recommend just splitting the cost of a once a month maid. If you hate vacuuming, get a Roomba. As a bonus entertainment it will freak out your cats. haha, i guess i could get a roomba. i don't think the fleas came from a previous tenant, because our apartment is all hardwood floors. the only rug is an area rug that came from my parents' attic, and i am certain they do not have fleas. also, the fleas showed up 3 months after we moved in, and the entire life cycle of a flea is about 2-4 weeks, so i'm sure they would have popped up much sooner if they had been there the whole time. the grocery bill thing isn't really doable for us, because our diets are drastically different. (which one would think that it would make the other person's food less appealing!) i don't know that i would resort to locking cabinet doors. all i'm asking is at least the courtesy of her asking before she takes, instead of simply taking and not even informing me. the cammo idea is pretty genious though! i may consider that if she still keeps taking my food after i ask her (and i'll try to be as friendly about it as i can) to please ask first.
Adamagnet Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 the grocery bill thing isn't really doable for us, because our diets are drastically different. (which one would think that it would make the other person's food less appealing!) i don't know that i would resort to locking cabinet doors. all i'm asking is at least the courtesy of her asking before she takes, instead of simply taking and not even informing me. the cammo idea is pretty genious though! i may consider that if she still keeps taking my food after i ask her (and i'll try to be as friendly about it as i can) to please ask first. Good call, set a positive example and maybe she will follow (although I honestly doubt it). Another option is to make a replacement rule, although this doesn't always solve the problem because sometimes they take something of yours right before you want/need it. Also, if she only eats specific foods, just cut those out of your diet. If nothing works, you could always change her alarm, pee in her apple juice or make mentos diet coke traps. Although, I recommend you have a new place lined up.
O'Malley Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 Having had my share of good and lousy roommates, draw up a contract with her (and any future roommate) outlining rent, food, a schedule for cleaning. If she doesn't hold up her end of the bargain or eats your food, bill her for it. If there are only two of you in the house, only leave out one set of dishes/cups/cutlery--keep a set of your own in your room, and when she runs out, she'll have to do her dishes or eat with her hands . I'd suggest moving out when you are able to.
Recommended Posts