Mr Biscuits Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 I've always been out with good looking women. And inevitably dumped by good looking women. I've started getting into online conversations with a girl who is funny, intelligent and good fun. We exchanged pictures a couple of weeks ago, and to be honest, the attraction isn't there for me. She wants to meet up and I don't want to hurt her feelings. If we meet, do you think there's a chance that would ignite the spark for me? I appreciate this seems incredibly shallow, but surely mutual physical attraction is a must for any couple? Yes, I am immature. Emotionally anyway. Advice, comments and abuse welcome. I really don't know what to do.
fral945 Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 Yes, looks matter. How much is individual. If she's funny, intelligent, and good fun, but not attractive, it's likely the best she'll be is a good friend. You could meet her but don't lead her on if there is no spark of some sort there. I tried that once and it didn't work. Generally speaking, I think most guys won't get very far unless there is at least a certain degree of physical attraction.
Shygirl15 Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 Looks matter a lot. You should know this better than me anyway since men are supposedly "visual".
Yamaha Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 Looks matter- to get you in the door. After that it is the person you fall for not their looks.
JackJack Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 I think they matter, but to a point. If that's all one is consumed with or cares about, then there is a bigger issue, IMO.
alphamale Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 I appreciate this seems incredibly shallow, but surely mutual physical attraction is a must for any couple? It is important for me but not for everyone. I need to be attracted to a woman an many different levels before I would even consider a LTR. But for others their criteria is different. For example, there are some women out there who would trade looks for resources in a man.
Meaplus3 Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 Of course looks matter. Now if this girl has some great peronality traits, but your not attracted to her in a physical sense then you need to some how inform her of this and not string her along. Perhaps she will be ok with just a friendship? AP:)
Yamaha Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 I've always been out with good looking women. And inevitably dumped by good looking women. I think you're wondering if the personality will be enough to date her? That is a question only you can decide.
jojo86 Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 looks matter, yes! but there has to be some kind of connection.. and for me that is more important! why don't you just go and see her and don't think of her look and just have a good conversation...? you can be friends, but make sure you give her the signal! and who knows.. she might look pretty in person than in the picture she sent you
Lizzie60 Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 I think looks matter BUT to a certain degree.. The first time my last ex picked me up for a date.. I wasn't attracted to him.. he was overweight.. and that wasn't my style at all.. (I had seen him before but he was behind a counter, I never thought he was so big)... anyway.. we went out that night.. I was intrigued.. l liked him but nothing more... then I went out with him again.. then again.. then I fell head over heels for him.. I have to say that he had a very nice face though.. He was clean and always smell good.. always well dressed.. he was a true gentleman... If you 'cliqued' intellectually.. if you have many things in common.. who knows.. you might go past the 'physical' aspect... We all know 'ugly' people who married stunning people.. there was more to it than just the 'body/face'.. 1
carhill Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 OP, I'll provide a vote for meeting her, and with an open mind. From my own experience, had I seen a picture of a certain lady prior to meeting her, I might have been unimpressed/ambivalent. However, when she walked through the door, she just glowed. I now look at pictures from that time, many years ago, and I hardly recognize her, as she photographs very differently than she looks in real life. Yes, the glow is still there, even today, and pictures still don't do her justice. Just thought you'd like to hear a good, true story
Author Mr Biscuits Posted November 6, 2008 Author Posted November 6, 2008 Thanks all. I've made this mistake before, and let it carry on for a couple of months before I admitted that my heart wasn't in it. I just don't know that just seeing a picture is enough to be able to dismiss someone completely. To top it all off, a friend inadvertantly posted a picture of my immediate ex on facebook and it reminded me how gorgeous she was and how much I miss her. Not a good day.
2sure Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 I learned something when on line dating that I think may be useful to you. Looks are important to me, and a big part of chemistry. I found myself easilly dismissing many profiles because of one little thing or another I didnt like in their pictures. (not to mention wasting time on dates whose pictures were better than real life) . In real life, we all meet people we find mildly attractive. Ever notice how sometimes when you have a second or third conversation with someone...you suddenly find them more attractive.? Not to mention that ultimately, its the little things about a person's appearance...the things that don't show up in photos...that trigger chemistry. So, worth a shot
Trialbyfire Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 Some people are extremely visual, whereby the superficial trumps all. Others need more of what's inside, combined with a reasonable amount of attractiveness. I can't see anyone mercy dating though. If you're already lacking in interest, walk away. There's no use in leading someone on, if you don't find them attractive. I will state that people who solely rely on the superficial to define attraction, thus date and attempt to have relationships, will find that when the newness wears off, your relationship will crash and burn because there are no foundations to it.
Jilly Bean Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 You've already friend-zoned her, and of course looks matter!
lovestruck818 Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 I've always been out with good looking women. And inevitably dumped by good looking women. I've started getting into online conversations with a girl who is funny, intelligent and good fun. We exchanged pictures a couple of weeks ago, and to be honest, the attraction isn't there for me. She wants to meet up and I don't want to hurt her feelings. If we meet, do you think there's a chance that would ignite the spark for me? I appreciate this seems incredibly shallow, but surely mutual physical attraction is a must for any couple? Yes, I am immature. Emotionally anyway. Advice, comments and abuse welcome. I really don't know what to do. Looks matter- they have to. I personally cannot have an emotional attraction to someone I am not physically attracted to.
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