My boyfiends family is trying to break us up.

[Lu133]

My BF & I have been dating for a 1yr & 3mos. He's 35 living at home taking care of his family & I am 41 independently divorced w/an older child. Five months ago his mom & sister's started causing trouble for us. They told my BF that I was no good, will probably cheat, and I am too old. My BF told me that he has some what been controlled by his mom when it came to girlfriends. He has expressed how serious he is about our relationship & I think his family is upset over it. I planned a BDAY party for my BF. I told his mom about all the details-she didn't think it was a good idea & said I should have discussed it with her. Now she wants nothing to do with me & has asked my BF to leave me. She said I over stepped my bounderies by planning a party & he should leave me. He trys to get to the bottom of what is really going on & she refuses to listern to him instead she throws a tantrum and crys to manipulate the situation. My BF & I have not had any problems until now. The pressure being placed on him to leave me is great and causing friction. My BF was raised to believe that his family is the only thing that matter's & always comes first. Any advice?

[2sure]

When you say he is 35 and living home with his Mom, taking care of his family....are you saying he does not have his own children, and that he is the sole means of support for his family. Other than his mother, who else lives in the house? Has he ever lived anywhere else?

[lonelyandfrustrated]

I dated a guy with a family like that...in high school.

 

If he's still living with Mama at age 35, he'll never move out or be a man. I promise you. My HS boyfriend lived with his folks until he died at age 34. Just like I suspected when I broke it off with him...he would never be independent of his family.

[jojo86]

it must be very hard..

 

for me it seems like this is kind of an old fashioned and a very traditional family. I do understand that a mom wants their children to find a good one. then prove her that you are good to her son! and good to his family! I think his mom still think of the relationship from old days.. In this situation everything is what was 'bad' on those days... You (the FEMALE) are the older one, and has a child as well... it's going to be hard work for you to make her to accept it. And if your BF really loves you, he should do something to strengthen the relationships between you and his family!

 

for me, it doesn't look like he is doing anything. He himself is confused and frustrated as well, and doesn't know what to do... Well, I don't want to make the situation worse, but ask yourself: is it worth to fight for a guy who can't stand on his own feet?

[Lu133]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]He doesn't have any children and lives with his mom, dad and adult sister who works. There are two other siblings that live on there own. My BF some how took on the responsibility of paying all the bills in house. The others claim to have no money although they work. They have taken advantage of his kindness & he lets them. His mom seems to be competing with me, especially after he made it clear to her a few months ago that he really loves me and see’s a future with me. After that she hardly spoke to me and his sisters joined in. I have always been respectful and kind to all of them. They have been concocting things to separate us. I think she is afraid I am taking away her meal ticket & her son. His aunt told him to take me away & leave that house. Everyone but them loves the kind of relationship we have developed & the respect & admiration we have for one another. On happy days I feel like I can stick it out & on sad days I feel horrible about the entire situation and how our foundation is being shaken. I don’t want to make any harsh choices because I do love him. On the other hand I do understand that at this point it is truly up to him to make a change for himself since his family is not budging. His mom refuses to even here my name spoken in the house. He gets a ton of grief from home to leave me, I don’t want to add to that but I would like say in a nicely yet stern voice the way things need to get done. [/FONT][/COLOR]

[libertygirl88]

I was w my bf for 2 1/2 years; I am 38, have 3 girls and my bf is 35. He moved out 4 months ago. For about the 1st year and half or so, things were great with his family and then when they realized how serious we were, it all changed. His mother felt he should be with someone who could "give him biological children" although that was something he was not concerned about and was very happy with our situation. But the constant harassment by his mom and sister was unbearable. I got so stressed and worn down by it, we began fighting about it all the time. He made it clear he was with me, but they would not stop; he finally felt like he was in the middle and felt like he had make a choice. I wish I would have been more supportive and less confrontational. It was a major issue for us.... we are now apart and trying to reconcile. This can be a breaking point for any relationship; GOOD LUCK!

[done giving]

Oh my what a mess, My soon to be ex (he is now 40)of 11 years has a mother just like that, when I met him he had just broken up with a girlfriend and she fell in love with me, until he decided to move in with me and when we got married she had a fit! well all these years even while we have been married she has tried to set him up on dates and the lies she told for him is just ridiculous just so she could get him back home with her. She says that is where her children belong. While that may not of been our only problem it has sure contributed to our break-up. My advice run, I wish I had, if he is unable to stand on his own two feet he will never be able to totally commit to you or anyone else. My soon to be ex is now living back at "home" with his mother and dating (after only a month of separation) and she couldn't be happier.