beachbabe98 Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 Here is my situation.. I met a guy in high school.. he was my dream come true. Lets call him Chase for privacy purposes. Well Chase and I dated for around 4 years.. he meant the world to me. I was a really good girlfriend.. always loving him with all my heart, supporting him in every aspiration he had, pushing him to do well in life.. not only were we in love.. but he was my best friend. I had always been faithful.. even to the point that I loved Chase so much that I honestly didn't even look at other guys the way i looked at him.. he is the guy i saw myself walking down the isle with (okay so im in my early 20's but I have always thought it would be him that I was meant to be with). You know all those ideals many girls have about true love and soulmates.. that's what he was to me. He was a good boyfriend no doubt.. but I always felt as if I loved him more than he loved me. He was always faithful to me and i love him dearly for being such a good boyfriend.. but it was not satisfying. There are things i wanted in my relationship which he was never willing to be. This summer Chase and I both took internships.. his was on the West Coast and mine was on the East Coast. We had been having problems.. stupid fights. He never supported me for things I wanted to do in my life.. i was meeting new people and having an amazing time with all the new friends I was making incredible memories with. I wound up breaking up with Chase early on in the summer.. the distance was hard but was not the problem. We were both unhappy with the way things were going in our relationship. I did not look at him as my night in shinning armor that I once thought he was. After being apart and not talking.. I met another guy. Lets call him Aaron. He is a nice southern boy with lots of southern charm (not the kind of guy i am typically attracted to). Chase is a skater surfer type whereas Aaron is a preppy sweet southern gentleman. Him and I fell really hard and fast for one another.. it was wild and crazy exhilarating make your heart stop kind of feeling I got every time we were together. Although I fell hard.. my heart was still somewhat with Chase. He would call every so often when he knew I was happy and would beg and plead and pour his heart out for me to come back. I slept with Aaron. This was a very hard thing for me to tell Chase, but I was truthful and felt he deserved hearing the truth from me no matter how much I knew it would hurt him. So, throughout the summer while being caught up in this whirlwind romance.. I kept going back and forth between the two boys. I was in the situation where I could not choose between the future I always believed would come true despite all the hard times.. or the amazing new memories I was making with this amazing new guy and what could be? Through it all I went back and forth between the two countless numbers of times and unintentionally put both of them through hell. In the mix of things a few side notes are that Aaron in two drunken incidents of me going back to Chase had sex with two different girls. I forgave him for it although it really hurt me to know that but felt that it was unfair for me to be unintentionally flopping back and forth back and forth. Basically, I am back at school now and while back I have flipped back and forth two more times. Both times I had relations with Chase again. Aaron knows about everything because if its one thing i am.. im an honest person. He forgave me both times and took me back. Another side note.. Chase had sex with a few girls just in spite of the fact that I was with another guy that I had feelings for. After being together for a while and things were going good.. I had made more amazing memories with my new guy down at his school. So here is the point I am at right now (sorry this is long but i feel all the details are necessary). I had been with Aaron for a while.. Chase constantly coming back trying to pour his heart out to me how i am the love of his life and he cant live without me etc. you get the point. I found out the other night from Aaron that he was unfaithful to me while we were together. I don't mean to sound conceited.. but this girl was butt ugly. He claimed that it was a drunken blackout night and he never meant for it to happen.. but I don't know quite what to do. I visited him this past weekend and had an amazing time. I don't trust that he can be faithful.. and still care about my previous boyfriend obviously or it wouldn't have been so hard to leave him for Aaron. What I am asking is any advice on the situation? Do give my heart to the one who has always loved me and ive always loved.. my best friend in the world who took me for granted? or.. do I give the guy that treats me amazing but cant keep his wiener in his pants another chance? I have no idea what to do.. I am breaking Chases heart and its killing me.. but am I strong enough to look past the fact that a guy i care a lot about has been unfaithful and go against all my morals. (in my opinion cheating is unacceptable.. our society is horrible about this and i hold very strong views about it).. please don't think by reading this that I do not love Chase anymore. he was my sweetie from the start.. i just don't know what to do? Please voice your opinion.
nab0610 Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 if ur options are 2 go with the past...cheaters are what they are
BCCA Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 Maybe what you should do is to take a step back from relationships altogether, try and clear your head a bit, and see how you feel after a little while. As for the new guy, he cheated, thats a deal breaker. Here you are being honest and upfront, albeit a little selfish (flip/flopping is hard on someone else), and you told him the absolute truth, even if it could have meant he told you off. And he tells you, well after the fact, that he cheated. This guy is no good, kick him to the curb. As for what to do about the old love, like I said, you have too many things going on in your head right now to make sense of anything. Tell Chase that you love him, but need him to understand that you need a little space right now to figure things out, and you want to make sure youre doing the right thing for yourself. You dont want to keep hurting him, but you also dont want to waste anyones time if you need to go in another direction. He'll understand, and if he doesnt, I guess it wasnt meant to be. The important thing to remember is that there are no time limits, and you owe it to yourself to make a decision to keep you happy.
justaman99 Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 Why tell some ex that you need time? Time and time again that is deciphered as "you wait for me until I figure out if I want you or not". I don't agree with that at all. I think you need to break it off with both and find yourself. Don't ask for time from either person. Also, I think you put yourself in this situation. You in essence cheated on your current ex with your older ex regardless of if you broke up or took some time off, you dumped your current ex twice to be with your ex ex. At least that is how I interpret this somewhat cryptic area in your post. You really need to sort your head out, on your own. -Just
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