katty774 Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 Some may already know my story of how my bf put us on hold for a month while he played host to a foreign friend that was staying with him so I won't repeat that. Well we finally got together two weekends ago and reconnected but still did not spend alot of time together. WE are both very busy people. well there was a costume party Sat. night that we both attend annually. He plays in the band for the party. Well he knew I was going but he didn't ask me to go with him or to sit at the band table etc. Well I went with my friends and I had a really good time. I didn't drink much because I knew if I did then I would get all jealous of some of the young girls that like to throw themselves on the stage, etc. Well I wasn't sure anymore how he felt about me so I just stuck with my friends. I was use to the way he acted when he is in band mode. Well he came and found me when they took a break and he immediately said "You didn't even look at me" We talked a few minutes and he excused himself. He did not come back around the rest of the night. My friend broke her foot so we had to carry her out and I didn't get to tell him goodbye, basically didn't think he would even notice or care. Well I text him and explained and got no reply. Next day I text, again no reply. I called and left a message, again no reply. Finally Monday morning I called and he told me that I made him feel stupid because he came up to me to give me a hug and I stiffened my back, I don't recall him even trying to hug me. I reminded him that he is the one that told me he had a problem with PDA (public display of affection) he then told me that every time he looked at me I had a group of men around me. He said that is why he excused himself and went outside during his break. He then told me that he just couldn't be in a emotionless relationship. Now let me also add here that this is the same guy that has told me over and over again that he doesn't have time for a relationship or girlfriend. I apologize for his feeling that way Sat. night and told him that I was just trying to play by his rules. I reminded him that on other occassions in public he has played me off as just any other person walking down the street. He said he didn't want to discuss this at this time because it would just put him in a bad mood before work. He said I am going to say these 2 things and I am done. His two things were he was going to call bull**** on my feelings for him and bull**** on the fact that I had told him before that he didn't want to be seen with me in public. I then told him that I have felt like he is ashamed of being with me and I don't know why. I then told him that at least I know now that we are done and that is what I needed to know. He then said he was amazed how I can throw in the fact that we are finished so quickly... he is the one that said he was going to say two things and be done. OK we got off the phone. That night I decided to have myself a good cry and then prepare to move on. It was breaking my heart because I care about him deeply and yes I told him this on the phone that morning. Well Tues. morning I pass him going to work and he calls my phone, I pick up and he says to me "Did I just pass you on the road, where you going" I said "to work" this is the same route and time that I take every morning to work so it was nothing new. He then said" Well did you vote?" I said "yes" He said "OK just making sure you got your lazy butt out there and voted" we talked for a minute about voting and then got off the phone. THis left me feeling weird all day but I didnt text or call or anything but continued with my day. Well around 6:30 last night I was walking with friends and going to go out to dinner with them and he calls and says "what are you doing, I was just getting ready to leave work and I wanted to see if we could get together and talk. I don't like to have this lingering around and we need to talk" I explained to him that I was with my friends and we were planning on going to dinner but i could get away to talk. He then said No we can talk later I need to go to the store anyway. I should have called earlier but wasn't sure what time I could get away from work. I said I know we do need to talk and soon. I told him that I was suppose to go to dinner last week with this friend but got tied up and couldn't and he said "well you can't blame me with tying you up because I never have tied you up" We got off the phone and that was that. Finally I get to the big problem that I need help with. HOW DO I PREPARE MYSELF FOR GETTING DUMPED?? I think its wonderful that he is the type of guy that doesn't do it over the phone but in this case I wish he would because I know that face to face is going to kill me. I am crazy about him and want more then anything to work this out and be together but I can't want something all by myself. Please someone give me some input. I know that it is best to get it over with but the dread of it is killing me. My friends all seem to think that he is not going to dump me but rather discuss a more serious relationship, I am clueless at this point as to what he wants. I have been really good in this rs and I have been patient because he really hasn't dated since his marriage broke up 4 years ago and I am the first person he has actually dated so I have tried to remember that he has been out of the dating scene for a while and cut him some slack. I am sorry if this has dragged on but I just desperately need some input. Thanks
troubadour Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 If you dump him first... you are not going to get dumped.
trueblue72ny Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 i dont think there is any way you can really prepare ... . i am sure your feelings of dread are for a good reason with the way things are going. i guess all you can do is try to be as strong as you possibly can in your own mind and wait to hear from him...
Author katty774 Posted November 5, 2008 Author Posted November 5, 2008 Right after I typed my earlier post he stopped by my office. He wanted to know what he needed to do to put his parents anniversary in the paper. He didn't even bring the information with him. I don't know what he is thinking. He was strictly business so I don't know what to think now.
trueblue72ny Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 maybe you should try the same - strictly business....
Author katty774 Posted November 5, 2008 Author Posted November 5, 2008 Thats exactly how I treated it. Strictly business.
markyboy1983 Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 not to sound like an a-hole, but it sounds like this relationship was over a long time ago. I know it's not what u want to hear, but from what u have said, that is what it sounds like. I think u are already a few steps ahead of the game by "preparing." Most people (like myself) wont realize it until it has been over for a long time. And u know what, not to get hopes up or anything, maybe you two just need a little break. As hard as it is give him some space. Give him a week or two and see how it goes from there. I know I strayed from your question, sorry
Author katty774 Posted November 6, 2008 Author Posted November 6, 2008 I am giving him space. I don't know what he wants from me. He said we needed to talk and now he is stopping by the office, texting me, etc. I will leave him alone and be done but he needs to do the same, right???
Author katty774 Posted November 10, 2008 Author Posted November 10, 2008 Well we finally had the dreaded talk.... turns out he didn't want to dump me at all. He explained how he felt Sat. night and then went on to ask me what he needed to do to make this relationship work. Can you believe that? We talked about our problems, our feelings, etc. He said he wanted to do better that he didn't realized that I felt as if he was ashamed of me, etc. He reassured me of how proud he was and how he still couldn't believe I wanted to be with him. I told him I didn't want the rs we had that we needed to work on finding more time together. He agreed. We spent all weekend together. Thurs-Sun and it has been amazing. I just wanted to give everyone an update. Thanks for helping me during my time of need.
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