jojo86 Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 It is complicated, but I try to make this short. Its about a guy I met 4 yrs ago... I had my first kiss with him, my first sex was also with him, which we did 5 weeks after we met. it might be that I was thinking too much, but the situation changed after... he wasn't talking much anymore, I had my exams and had (well tried) to concentrate on my studies. We met once a week, or less, and everytime we met it was just sex. He left for holiday during summer and many thoughts came up in my mind. At that time, I just finished college and was going abroad for 3 years university. The summer was very hard, as I knew I was going to leave him. And maybe that was why he didn't talk much to me neither... During uni was hell. I missed him to death. i was online all the time hoping for him to talk to me, but he never did... Sometimes he had pictures of him and another girl. It was just painful. I never manage to give up on him.. funniest thing was that he contacted me everytime there is a break when he knows I have to go home to see my famil (x-mas, easter, summer). Even though I knew what is going to happen, I went to see him. Of all my friends, he was the first person I went to see everytime I came home.. We had sex, then the break was over and I am going back to uni and we never talk again until next break.... Now I am finish with uni. I am back and I have decided to have a go on our relationship, I mean a real bf/gf relationship. It is just not easy. I dont know what he is thinking, and I am not sure what I want. I think I am just scared to take the step. Well, we are a little bit better than before, we do txt each other and call each other sweet things. We make love (not sex), I can feel that I is more serious about it now, that he likes me cus of the way he kisses me, holds me, treats me... He sometimes says that he misses me. But again, we don't do much more than just make love.. :S I want to tell him that I like him. That he is beautiful, loveable, how I am soo bubbly everytime we meet and how I'd like to spend more time with him. I just can't say a word when I see him, either online or in person. I am so scared for the reaction he gets. When we chat (rarely) or txt each other, it takes me forever to write to him. I just sit there and write my sentence again and again in different ways. I wan to do other things with him because I think just have sex is a bit.. sick.. and not serious. But I am just afraid to ask him to. Well, I don't even know myself what I want to do.. :S I don't know why I am so afraid to express myself to him even though I want to share everything with him. I am normally very open and talkative person. but with him, i'm just the opposite even though I am still the one who talks more. I really don't know what he is thinking, or he really thinks.. I hate wandering around and wondering about everything about him, and us. It makes me so insecure and I start thinking something is wrong about me. I am really tired. Should it be like that in a relationship? to love somebody? one thing I am always wondering, is why he always in online on msn. signed in, status 'busy'... well before he was there 24/7, but now most of the day. but he doesn't say much to me.. I am wondering if he is just there, or if there are someone he talks to.. but can a person really cheat on you right on your face?? then when he sometimes is not there, I start panicking! something is wrong with me.. seems like I am not happy at all no matter what he does. can it be that he is my first (but maybe not my true) love, and I am just too scared to let go and move on? anyone... comments? opinions? advice? thoughts? feelings?
norajane Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 I don't know why I am so afraid to express myself to him even though I want to share everything with him.Because you KNOW that if he wanted a real relationship with you, he would move heaven and earth to make that happen, and he can't lift a finger to actually be with you any other way than sex. I'm sorry, but you have a friends with benefits, or f*ck buddy relationship. He's not interested in dating you. If he were, he'd have asked you out for dinner, movie, to hang with his friends, something other than just getting together and having sex. I'd suggest you move on. Just because he was your first, does not mean he is the one and only, nor does it mean he is the BEST for you! Don't waste your time, and don't pass up all the other guys you could be meeting, by staying hung up on this guy. Start dating other people, and stop shagging with him.
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