jabbo Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 I am totally confused, if anyone can shed some light on this it would be appreciated!! I posted a while ago about a girl I had fallen head over heels for after about 3months.....it was intialy sooo intense the first few weeks she was all over me but then it became me doing all the running and I sensed she had started to back off! Sure enough things came to a head and she asked for space to consider 'us' she did not want to end but needed time?.......well I was devestated and did not give her the space I kept on and on at her and tried everything to get her back.....in the end she said I had suffocated her and she wanted to end it!......again I was hurt but accepted this and spent a week licking my wounds ready to move on! Then I get a txt.....asking how I was ???? I responded and just said fine I hope you are well!!! I then get a call the next day, she starts saying the trouble is you tried too hard!!!.....I said look I wear my heart on my sleeve and if I care for someone I let them know it, by being kind considerate and wanting spend time with them!. She said she does not know what made her back off, saying I was great in bed, generous, good with her kids etc......but she was scared and uncertain and she had not meant to give me mixed messages! Then at the end of the converstaion where I just mostly listened she said please dont think this means I want to get back with you...I said fine take care! Thinking that was the end I get a txt at the weekend asking if I could do coffee.....I said ok and met her.....well it was a very bitter sweet experience...it was good to see her again but also hard to see her as just a friend! I asked her NOT to contact me again unless she thought us splitting had been a mistake and the she wanted to try again??....although I am not sure if that would be good anyway as she has more or less said she likes men to treat her badly and I was too nice?????? Anyway I suppose what I am asking is do any of you female readers have any insight in what she may be thinking and whey she keeps getting in touch and making me feel bad again just I start getting over her.......she seems so genuine I dont to believe she is playing games but???..... She did say one thing that worries me and that is she said she has only loved one man and he did not love her back and that was 2 years ago and she cried for weeks and suffered depression after it ended?.....she was now getting her life on track and BANG I come along and she has mixed feelings and doubts......is there anything I can do ???? One part of me wants to contact her and ask her to come back to me but when I did that before she just backed off more and said I was not giving her the space she had asked for and this led to the supposedly final split ! She may never contact me again and I suppose I will get over her but at the moment it hurts real bad........she is the first person since my divorce some 4 years ago that has made me feel like this...I like her so much. But why would a women find a man telling her how much he cares frighten them off......I cant play games and just pretend I am not bothered either way? the more I tell her how much I like her the further she backs off......however I cant help thinking that if she really did want to end it all why contact me again and ask to meet her. The last txt I got on Saturday was that she would do as I requested and not contact me anymore unless she changed her mind about me?.................she has lots of other things but in the end she says she cannot 'put her finger on why she has backed off'. She did have a contraceptive implant put in and she said that made her cry a lot and loose her libido......she had that taken out two weeks ago to see if she felt different? Yours totally confused and hurting. J PS...I had a weak moment today and wrote a long email asking her to give us another chance.....BUT in the end I realised that this did not work before when I tried this approach so I did not send it !
hereandnow Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 Man, jabbo, there are a lot of parallels between our stories. We broke up about a week and a half ago after an amazing 6 month relationship. Got exactly the same lines. I'm trying real hard right now not to smother her. I, too, find it hard not to let out my true feelings. When I've talked to her since, I try to keep it positive and not mention the relationship, but it seems I almost have to drop something in there. Haven't talked since Friday though. My thread's got more details. Hang in there!
Author jabbo Posted November 5, 2008 Author Posted November 5, 2008 Thanks for your support.........I am finding it very hard not to make further contact! I think the problem with all of this is that if she could have said look you make my skin crawl or we juts are not suited....end of story this would be easier. However when I last saw her she txt me to say it was really nice to see me again but she would do as I asked and not contact me unless her feelings change and she wants to give things another go ! This keeps giving me hope for a reconciliation and preventing me from fully moving on !......everytime my phone goes I keep hoping it is a txt or call from her !!.......... I am fighting a constant battle in my mind to stop me rushing round there,,,,,but this is the thing that made her fully back off in the first place !! This is hard man ! J
hereandnow Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 I am fighting a constant battle in my mind to stop me rushing round there,,,,, I've got that same battle raging right now. I got her a card to congratulate her on something and I'm debating dropping it by her place on my way out. Only problem is What if she's there! Kind of heartbreaking to think that going by someplace that used to give me such joy is now a source of fear.
Author jabbo Posted November 5, 2008 Author Posted November 5, 2008 Mate I totally sympathise.......my rational mind (and probably yours) is saying leave well alone, if its meant to be she will come back if its not there is nothing we can do. We keep looking for an excuse to prompt her into thinking about us. However I reckon if she is she is and if she has any thoughts about getting in touch she will but keep trying to 'nudge' her consionce is only likely to make her back away even more! I think we have to sit tight and try and move on and if they do contact us it may or may not be a bonus......again my rational side of me says even if she does it will never be the same we would be continually looking for signs that she is backing off again etc......not nice! Keep strong and I would not give her the card.....but thats up to you mate! J
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