trubella Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 been together for a year now, he always tells me he has nothing to hide and i can look at whatever, even gave me the whole "my stuff is your stuff speech" but when it comes to his cellphone he doesnt let me see it, yet hes seen mine a few times before. if he has nothing to hide why does he guard his cellphone like his life depends on it? its only making the situation worse, increasing my insecurity towards him, it makes him look suspect. its bad enough that he lives an hour apart and i cant always come around to see him, but if i ask to see his phone to give me SOME peace of mind he should more than willing to let me see. i had no problem handing my phone over when he wanted to see it.
carhill Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 The only time my wife has looked at my cell phone in the 8 years we've been married is when it rings and I can't get to it and ask her to answer it. Vice-versa for me. Leave his phone alone. Trust is built within you, not through looking at phones...
Author trubella Posted November 5, 2008 Author Posted November 5, 2008 the difference is your wife atleast has access to it, you trust her enough to answer it, you dont outright deny her from viewing it. he on the otherhand has never once let me do that, i havent even held the darn phone, ive only seen the front screen of it. its easy to say "leave it alone" the hipocrisy of it is what really gets me, hes picked up my phone, went through it- i even trusted him enough to pick it up once.. i dont get the same priviledge with his phone.
carhill Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 The issue is, it's not an issue. Your desire to look sends signals. Our indifference sends signals. Signals are interesting things Remember, you can't control him or his actions/thoughts/emotions. Acceptance The above assumes you love him, trust him and want to be with him..... TBH, even when I don't like my wife much, I still trust her. And she I, even with the issues we've dealt with. Those perspectives lie within each of us, and are not dependent on the other. Others will likely support the "he needs to show you the phone" perspective, so just hang on and they'll be by shortly
officegirl Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 I have to agree with the OP. My boyfriend just last night, picked up my phone and looked thru it. He also grabbed it when I got a text message to look at that. He always asks me who I'm on the phone with, etc. I have never once asked him who he was texting or speaking to. I've never looked thru his phone even in his presence. I can't. He guards it like it's the holy grail. I understand what the OP means by that making her suspicious. And as interested as he is in my phone, makes me think he's got something on his worth taking a look at.
carhill Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 Is there a particular reason why you'd want to be with somebody where this is an elemental dynamic? Do you think that's healthy?
bright-amber Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 good advise there above me,i think personally its highly unfair that he should be allowed to look through your messages,but is extremely secertive about his? myslef and my partner both have male and female friends,best friends,theres never been any issues over our phones or messages,he frequently picks mine up and answers it,and vice versa,we both have friends that can be discribed as quite flirty, but have absolute trust in one another,i feel you are right in feeling the way you do,and would definitely do what the above person has advised,if hes nothing to hide,then it wont be a problem, good luck with it.
LakesideDream Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 This isn't the first problem you've posted Truebella. When does enough add up to enough time wasted on this guy?
Author trubella Posted November 5, 2008 Author Posted November 5, 2008 This isn't the first problem you've posted Truebella. When does enough add up to enough time wasted on this guy? i think your the last person to give me advice on what is 'enough' speaking of your own history here.. stick to the topic at hand.
carhill Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 Enlighten me. Are we verifying subsequent to a breach of trust? Like an affair? Inappropriate emotional attachment? What? If yes, IMO, he should be providing verification voluntarily or adios....non-negotiable.
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