Peter_pan Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 looking back i think ive finally found the answer. basically we grew bored of each other, lived together and didnt appreciate one another and argued about stupid things we just needed a break tbh. i wasn't ready for that kind of role living like a married couple and it got me down. she did mention wanting her own space ( i should have read into it more ) so mutually we agreed to be single and still live together in separate rooms since we didnt want to lose each other, and either way that worked well. we felt less stressed, we still were together in a sexual sense. and she used to sleep in my room when she felt lonely and missed me. things were looking up. as time went by she moved on and changed her life she was looking at buying a house of her own, got a new job and was meeting new people. when i noticed this i wanted her back but it was to late, she wanted different things now. and no matter what i said she wouldn't want to be with me she just wanted to be single and experience being on her own, grow up and become dependent. one clear thing i recall was everytime i did something to annoy her like leaving the orange out of the fridge, she would get mad and say i cant wait to live on my own. that hurt alot when she said those kind of things. i had no nice new house to go to and so had to look at halls. i kept on at her to be with me and wrote her letters etc, all the wrong stuff u do when you love someone. she told me that she didnt want me to wait for her and for me to get a new girlfriend !! then couple weeks later i go on holiday and she tells me about her new bf. so this wasn't technically cheating but i felt betrayed. her telling me she didnt want a relationship and wanting to be single etc and then for me to find out she had been dating him for quite some time. and at the time of mutually agreeing to be single she hadnt met this new guy at her work, and me and her were getting along nicely, even making future plans about holidays and seeing her dads house being built she told me it was nothing serious, and i think that was her trying to soften the blow. either way, i guess because it ended the way it did ive been left thinking about how she was and i cant believe she went off with another guy. i do miss her still. broke up before x mass. and i still feel her void i just want to be back in her arms but what i went through hurt so much. i have tried to contact her in the past but had no reply, i dont no why this is? she is doing nc with me!!! i never did anything wrong, i just cant and dont understand any of it. yet i feel guilty of wanting a break and feel like i did push her away to get this. i didnt want her to get a new bf. and i didnt want a new gf, so its not like i had anything to go to. maybe she thought i did? maybe im the bad person in all this.
BikerBeagle Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 Did you say you "mutually" agreed to be single? Why are you putting (all) of the blame of this on yourself? NC isn't an indicator of who was right and who was wrong. She moved on ...take the cue.
Author Peter_pan Posted November 5, 2008 Author Posted November 5, 2008 yeh i guess so. im putting the blame all on me because i didnt know what i wanted. I didnt know she was the one untill now. And i regret losing her. all i ever wanted was a proper chance. she moved on so fast and i dont know how.
northstar1 Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 yeh i guess so. im putting the blame all on me because i didnt know what i wanted. I didnt know she was the one untill now. And i regret losing her. all i ever wanted was a proper chance. she moved on so fast and i dont know how. Well, I can't be sure........but as it has been said, a lot of women won't let go of one branch until they have another to grab onto. Ie. by the time she was ready to walk away from the relationship, she may have already detached herself after thinking about it for a long time. We all have regrets on things we did/didn't do. Hindsight is 20/20 and you can't put all the balme on yourself. I know it's hard to move on when you look back and wonder 'what if'......but you have to.
Author Peter_pan Posted November 5, 2008 Author Posted November 5, 2008 yeh cheers mate i guess its not my place to contact her and have a go or ask how and why she did everything and telling her i miss her and that i havnt moved on isnt a good idea either. when is the right time to speak with them again or is it never
northstar1 Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 yeh cheers mate i guess its not my place to contact her and have a go or ask how and why she did everything and telling her i miss her and that i havnt moved on isnt a good idea either. when is the right time to speak with them again or is it never No, it's not your place, because no matter what she tells you, it won't make YOU feel better. Well, if there is a right time, it's when you aren't emotionally connected to them any longer. When you don't feel sad or upset thinking about them, and when you only can look back with fond memories and not that gut wrenching anxiety. When you won't care about the news in their lives, or what they are up to. For most that takes months or years to arrive at.
Author Peter_pan Posted November 5, 2008 Author Posted November 5, 2008 reality checks is what i need. i appreciate all these words. i think im going to be in the years category . its already nearly been a year. memories are good but i want them back, or to have ones like them with her. i just dont see how im going to get those times with someone else. i remember her reply to my email saying i dont agree that we are right for each other. i think were always be happier on our own or with someone else or what ever, and i want you to know i am seeing -him- now. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
bayouboi Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 memories are good but i want them back, or to have ones like them with her. i just dont see how im going to get those times with someone else. I didn't see how I could get those times with someone else either...but now I realize I don't want to get THOSE times with someone else...now it's about getting NEW times with someone else and it's sooo refreshing. I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but you'll get there bud. There are more days now where I forget whatsherface than before when she was on my mind every day.
Author Peter_pan Posted November 5, 2008 Author Posted November 5, 2008 thanks man, good to know other people's experiences i guess i long for those memories with whatsherface because at the time i really didnt know what i had and i resented feeling stuck with her, now i would give anything to be with her. but i know its extremely unlikely i will get her back. our lives have gone different ways. her dad just bought her a house willy nilly... at least when i find the right one, we can both save for something nice
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