The Seeker Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 Probably. Here's the deal, I'll try to keep it short. I dated a girl in college, after college we moved far away from each other and decided it was best to end it. We lost touch. I never forgot about her. Three years later, this August, she sends me a message on Facebook and asks if I am still in the DC area, because she is now, too. I am, and turns out she's about 50 min away. So we start spending time together again, just catching up, but I start thinking about dating her again and I get the feeling she is, too. Because of the distance and some busy weekends on her part we only see each other an average of once every two weeks, which is a source of frustration for me, but we keep in touch during the week. About three weeks ago we have a good night out with some of her friends, she was real flirty and I drove her home, and she kissed me good night (just a peck, but on the lips). At this point I am in a pretty good mood, things seem to be going well. The next week we talk, as usual, but she starts to seem kind of distant. However I learn she is getting sick so I chalk it up to her not feeling well -- she was sick enough that week to miss out on us getting together the next weekend, so it made sense to me that she may seem distant. We made plans to see each other the following weekend (Friday Oct. 25th) and I thought she seemed to be looking forward to it. That night out turned out pretty awkward, she wasn't acting anything like she was the time I saw her before and I was wondering if she wasn't really interested anymore. At the end of the night as I hugged her goodbye I decided to go for it and kiss her, I figured either she won't let me and that's a bad sign or she'll prolong it and that's a good sign. Well, she let me kiss her and sort of kissed me back, but kept it real short. I leave kind of confused, but I guess it's not necessarily bad. The next morning, she contacts me online to tell me she is starting to get sick again (she works with little kids so I guess that's the culprit) and I figure, well, maybe she was starting to feel under the weather when I saw her (by 10:00 she was freaking EXHAUSTED) and hey, at least she let me kiss her, that must be good. She was pretty sick all that week, too. Halloween weekend she was out of town to be a bridesmaid in a wedding, although I did hear from her once or twice while she was gone. She brought some other guy to it as a date (pretty sure he's just a friend) which I'm not really sure how to feel about. I guess it could be awkward to bring the ex who's not a current boyfriend and you only just got back in touch with less than two months prior. So I just talked to her a little bit ago and tried to set something up for this weekend, but she was non-committal. She said she might be going out with friends (the same ones from three weeks ago) and she would get back to me when she knows the details. So I dunno. I mean, she didn't say no, but she didn't really say yes. I guess I will wait for her to get back to me. So, she suddenly went from pretty into me to kinda wishy-washy. I'm not sure what the deal is. I know things are moving pretty slow, but when we can only meet up once every few weeks it's hard to speed things up. Neither of us are really available during the week due to our jobs. Part of it is my fault; I wake up at 5am for work so I can't really spend a weeknight out, but she also is not really available during the week. I could be reading into this too much. I have been known to do that. Anyway, any insight or advice on the situation? The whole thing is kind of weird, with her being an ex and all, but it ended amicably and I would really like to start things up again ... she's someone I never forgot about. It seems like she is having second thoughts, but if she won't talk about them it's hard to address them. If I DO see her this weekend I want to just get things out in the open and talk about what's going on, but if she bails ... I dunno. I guess I could do it over the phone, but that's a little impersonal. I also have no idea what I'd really say. Ugh, that was long. Sorry, but thanks for reading.
sibernox Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 She might just be feeling weird because she kissed you that night, the night you went out with her and her friends. I would just keep everything as casual as you can, which is probably easier said than done because of your history together. But right now, don't 'push' her too much into hanging out. If she wants to see you, great! If not, you got over her once, and you can do it again. If you do start seeing each other regularly, at that point I would bring up the prospect of starting up a relationship again. Hope that helped.
Author The Seeker Posted November 5, 2008 Author Posted November 5, 2008 You are right, she could just be feeling weird about that kiss. She definitely hasn't been avoiding me, but she hasn't been flirty since that night, either. If that's the case, I guess my kiss didn't help, oops. As for keeping things casual, my plan from the beginning was pretty much to do that. I mean, after 3 years apart I didn't expect to jump right back into something. Stay casual, wait and see how things go .. and they seemed to be going well until she kissed me and did that 180. My only concern is, it's been about 2.5 months, and by keeping things casual for this long she might think I'm not interested in being more than friends. But like you said, I don't want to push it, either. And even though it's been so long in "real time" we haven't gotten to see each other nearly as much as most people would. you got over her once, and you can do it again Heh, yeah, I'd rather not have to do it again, though.
Author The Seeker Posted November 5, 2008 Author Posted November 5, 2008 Of course, the other problem with just keeping things casual and not bringing up how I feel is ... if I keep those feelings bottled up before long it is going to drive me crazy. Heh, it's definitely easier said than done to keep things casual in this case. For now, I guess I will wait to see if she bails on me this weekend or not. I'll probably call her tomorrow though, if I don't hear from her ... I'd at least like a definitive answer; I think I deserve that. And I'd like to plan my weekend.
PrincessPeach Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 Don't try to talk to her about your feelings, at least not so soon. You're likely to scare her away. She needs time to get readjusted to the idea of you two and you bringing up talk of committment is not what she wants right now. You are a few pages ahead of her it seems. Don't try to force an answer out of her. We don't like to be forced into making decisions. if she doesn't give you a clear answer, don't sweat it. If it isn't definite just assume it won't happen. Don't be stuck doing nothing because you were waiting for a confirmation; make plans. If she does call with a yes, you aren't going to lose her just because you made some other plans and didn't wait for her. She can reschedule, and if she wants to see you she will reschedule. Get your mind on other things. Your happiness, or lack thereof, shouldn't depend on you two getting back together. Go out and just have fun with her. Show her the two of you can have an enjoyable time together. Spending the little amount time as you two do together isn't that out of the ordinary. I've been with a guy for almost six months now and we rarely see each other more than once a week. We are pretty crazy about each other and what time we do spend together is really a lot of fun. It isn't good for the relationship to be spending too much time together, especially early on. Both sides need to have a little bit of lives on their own too. If anything, the majority of relationships could probably benefit or become longer lasting if the two people involved spent less time together and didn't try to spend every day possible with each other right away.
Author The Seeker Posted November 6, 2008 Author Posted November 6, 2008 Eh, well, she sent me an IM, bailed on me this weekend. Guess something better came up. Maybe next week.
Author The Seeker Posted November 7, 2008 Author Posted November 7, 2008 Btw, Peach, thanks for your insight (and sibernox, too!). If you had asked me a month ago I would have said we were on the same page, but after she kissed me I guess she started having second thoughts or something and backed up a few. Too bad she started getting sick at the same time, because back then I just figured her behavior was strange because she was under the weather. I'll just back off for a little while I guess. If she wants to spend time together she can suggest it.
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