GirlAnachronism Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 OK this may be long but I need some advice I've been going out with a boy for 6 months and I really care about him so much and I love being with him. However my parents don't let me out on school nights and only let me stay round at his once or twice a week. He wants to see me at least three or four times and gets angry if I don't stay round. We argue and he breaks up with me over it regularly. I lie to my parents so I can stay round more often but it's still not enough. He says he loves me and thats why he wants to see me, and he's asked me to move in with him. But he refuses to come round to mine, because he cant stay in the same bed as me. He says I can't love him because if I did I'd stand up to my parents,like he does. But I respect my parents and am kinda scared of them and don't want to do that. He got expelled from school at 16 and has no GCSEs and no job. He is looking but at the moment I'm the only thing in his life and I don't know what to do about it. He also smoke a lot of weed, which makes him very paranoid. He put all his hope in me and he's so bore he has nothing to do but ring me and try get me to come round and entertain him He also has anger issues. When we argue he calles me all sorts of names and insults me. Ive slapped him twice when hes pushed me too far and said something unforgivable. But he both times hes appologised and said he knew it was too far, and hes never said those two things again, but he knows how to push my buttons. He tells me all the time he cant trust me and gets suspicious when I tell him about boys at my school or when I go out with boys. I know its cause I lied to him before like when my ex (who I'm not allowed to talk to) asked me back out and I said he didn't. But it really gets me down because I love him and would never ever cheat on him. I don't want anyone else. My friends are cross because they say they never see me outside school, because every time I'm allowed out I'm with him, and he only likes 2 of them. Also we argue at school and he makes me cry pretty much every day. And we break up pretty much every day I don't see him too. That makes him sound awful, but when I'm with him it's usually amazing. He's so sweet and kind and he protects me and looks after me. He cooks for me and makes sure I'm warm and always hold me close. I really need some advice and I hope someone can help. Thank you
Geishawhelk Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 OK, first question: How old are you both?
Author GirlAnachronism Posted November 4, 2008 Author Posted November 4, 2008 I'm nearly 18, and in my last year of school
Geishawhelk Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 Emphasis on the 'nearly'. Whilst you live under your parents' roof, they pay the bills, feed and clothe you and care for you - you do as they ask. You want my honest real opinion? (But I suspect you're thinking this too, otherwise you wouldn't be asking.....) This guy is trouble and a bad influence. He smokes weed, dropped out of education, has anger issues (not helped by the weed either) wants to sleep with you and is asking you to go against your parents. He's manipulative, knows how to push your buttons and can be sweet, romantic attentive and loving. All of which happen when he's getting his own way, I notice..... And he tells you who you can and can't talk to....?! You sound like the kind of girl who's been a good daughter. What do you honestly expect anyone to advise you? Come on, really!! What was the question, again?
Author GirlAnachronism Posted November 4, 2008 Author Posted November 4, 2008 Well I didn't really say some stuff about my parents which does give him some reason. My mum's an alcoholic I often have to cancel at the last minute and break promises to him which he hates. And he didn't say I couldn't so much as he'd get jelous when I did. So it was easier not to. It was to prove to him I wouldn't leave him, since I didn't really want to talk to my ex anyway
Geishawhelk Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 Notwithstanding. He's bad news. You have enough to contend with in your young life without adding to the problems. Really. I'm sorry, but the one person you do need to safe guard right now, is yourself. And dealing with someone who has huge issues of his own is not going to help you face the bad times. Because he's going to be one of the 'bad time' people. You deserve better. you're settling for whatever's available, and it's not good enough. Be nicer to yourself than this. Find happiness, not a compromise.
PrincessPeach Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 I'd have to agree that this guys does not sound like a good deal in the long run (or even not very long run). He is too demanding of you, and unreasonable in most of his demanding ways. A good guy is going to encourage that you have a life outside of him and want you to hang out with people other than just him, such as your own friends. He shouldn't need to see you more than a time or two each week as it is. I have been dating a guy for several months and we only go out together maybe one day or spend the night together only once each week. Sometimes we skip a week, other times we see each other a couple times. Our lives our enhanced by each other, but they don't have to revolve around the other person. You staying over at his place shouldn't be about staying in the same bed, it should be about spending time together. he should go over to your place to so that you can spend time together. it shouldn't matter that you don't get to share a bed every time. He says he can't trust you? He shouldn't be putting you down or being constantly suspicious if he really cares about you. If I were you I'd get out of that relationship. You deserve someone better.
axisdenied Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 All other red flags aside, nobody has the right to demand your time like that. Tone down the intensity or end the relationship.
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