Bells Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 This I hear so many times from people. Or, to interpret, "Let me make sure nothing BETTER comes up!" Anyhow, I had been talking to yet another lady, lol. She actually asked me to meet her somewhere a week from now, see see a movie when it comes out. (I didn't ask her out, SHE was the one that asked me out) I respond, "Oh, okay, how about I get your number and we can make arrangements?" She says, "Well, I have to wait and make sure something doesn't come up first (a hotter, sexier guy to go with instead of me to the movies) Then she says, "I will email you next week to make sure I'm still going and give you my number." Is this what one calls being "set up"? for a POSSIBLE disappointment? Now HERE is the BIG question...... Let's say nothing DOES come up, and she decides to join me in a movie, I will still wonder if she was just settling?
D-Jam Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 Bells, I've heard that song and dance so many times it's not even funny. Women who seem interested, I ask them out, and then I get a runaround as they refuse to commit to hard plans. They instead want to leave things open and have me call them on some day closer to the actual day I asked her out for...to see if she's free. My rationale: She's hoping a bigger better deal (BBD) comes along. Be it a fun night out with friends, or someone wealthier, more exciting, and better looking asking her out.She's too cowardly to say she's not interested and instead plays it off like she's busy and has no time for you...because she fears being honest and possibly painting herself as shallow.She's making you her backup plan. So if that night hits and she's got no one to go out with, then you'll be her last resort. Also bear in mind though that at this point she would never see you as "worthy" for more dates or especially "boyfriend". I've always found it funny when I see women who play these games, or others like "I'm so busy in my life" or "I value my friends highly, and I won't dis them for any date" when in reality I've seen hardcore career women and/or busy single moms magically have loads of time when it's a BBD. That or these same women will literally cut all contact with friends and even family to devote every inkling of free time to said BBD. Sorry it happened to you Bells. I feel your pain, because I've been there. Best is to forget this one. Even if she gets back to you next week, tell her you're busy. Tell her you have a date lined up for that night. Don't ever make yourself a backup plan or last resort for ANYONE (and this goes for you women too in regards to men). I'd chop off my genitals and live my life completely alone before I'd become a last resort or backup plan for any woman who decided I wasn't "good enough" when she met me. I know this sounds harsh and extreme, but I believe being strong in life means that you stand on your own and are not dependent on "having someone". When it becomes that all the ones who rejected you for the dumb reasons are now the ones wishing they at least had you as an option because they have no other options. When they cry how they can't meet anyone decent, when they've spent their lives rejecting decent in a search for excitement.
PrincessPeach Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 Sounds to me like she isn't that interested but doesn't want to bring you down harshly. Though there are plenty of us girls who a just plain indecisive a lot of the time. When you run into situations or girls who can't decide or need to wait a few days and then check again just tell her you've changed your mind about making the plans. If she likes you any, she will all of a sudden become a little more decisive. You are an opportunity to her and you taking yourself away as an opportunity rather than her dismissing you as not a good enough one will keep you in control. It also might make her realize that you shouldn't be passed up and if she wants a chance she needs to act now. If she doesn't like you, then you are just saving yourself from being set up for a disappointment later.
reservoirdog1 Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 Turn the tables on her. Make plans yourself for that night. If she calls and still wants to go out, tell her something came up. And if she calls and says something came up for her, tell her "yeah, I'd forgotten about that and I'd made plans anyway." The purpose of this is to make yourself the valuable commodity, rather than her. If she calls and still wants to go out, she'll probably be surprised that you're now unavailable. She'll probably want to reschedule. If she does that, give her a choice of no more than two evenings in the next two weeks when you're available. That way she's fighting for a piece of YOUR schedule. And if she's not available either of those times, act cool and nonchalant ("hey, that's too bad. We'll try for another time."). DO NOT chase her, or act pissy if she's not available. People want what they can't have -- you'll be more attractive if you're less available to her.
Author Bells Posted November 5, 2008 Author Posted November 5, 2008 Well, sounds like she's waiting something for something better to happen....not sure why she would ask me out, and then make that remark.
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