I (might have) lost the love of my life

[redash]

Hi everyone, I’m new here. Here is my story.

 

I met the love of my life, Chris, about 3 ½ months ago. We hit it off right away, basically it was love at first sight for both of us. We started going out a week after we met, and told each other that we loved each other about 3 weeks after that.

 

Chris and I are perfect for each other. We get along so great, we have so much fun, we have a lot in common and the same goals. We both say things like “when we get married” or “when we have kids”. We just both knew that we were going to be together forever. Everything was going perfect between us. In the three months that we have been together we have only been apart maybe 3-4 days. We are both 25 years old and ready to settle down. He has graduated from college, and I have a good job while I take some night classes.

 

I love him with everything I have. I have been in my fair share of relationships and have thought I loved people, but it’s nothing compared to what I feel about Chris. He means the world to me, I would walk through fire for him, I would take a bullet for him. I would do anything for him. And I know he feels the same way about me, from what he has told me and what he has told our friends. He’s told our friends that he loves me so much it scares him, and that he is crazy about me.

 

Here is what happened. This last Friday night (Halloween), we went to a party that was at my sisters bar that she works at. I’ve been looking forward to this for months, because Halloween is my favorite Holiday. Anyways, everyone got completely drunk, I mean I was totally wasted, oblivious out of my mind. I don’t remember what happened but here is what people tell me. Chris, our friend Thibault and I were all talking (I was sitting on the pool table). Chris said he had to go to the bathroom, when he left Thibault leaned in and kissed me, and I guess I kissed him back…I don’t really remember. Chris saw it and came up and punched Thibault. (Just to let you know, Thibault is a French exchange student that is here for a year). I guess after that, my friends tell me I was in shock and didn’t know what was going on. Chris wouldn’t talk to me for the rest of the night, he said it was over between us and he never wanted to talk to me again. I cried the whole night and eventually drove home when the bar closed.

 

I called Chris over and over that night, he didn’t answer. I called him a few times the next day, still he wouldn’t answer. I sent him text messages, messages on facebook, and left him voicemails. On Saturday, the day after he put his status to single on facebook, I know it might seem silly, but we both use facebook a lot to keep up with friends and talk to each other when at work. So that was kind of a big deal for me.

 

I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat…it’s Tuesday and I have had maybe one piece of toast and some peanuts for the past 3 ½ days. Saturday through Monday, I felt like my whole world had just crumbled around me, all I could feel was this pain in my chest, I couldn’t stop crying. My stomach growled but I didn’t feel hungry. Chris still wouldn’t talk to me. Sunday night I wrote this long letter about how sorry I was and how I would do anything to get him back, and that even though it’s not excuse I was drunk and otherwise nothing like that would have happened. I told him how hurt I was and couldn’t sleep and haven’t eaten. I put the letter on his car, he found it later that night and sent me a message that said “I’ll talk when I’m ready. You need to eat”. I didn’t respond to the message, because I figured I would just wait for him to be ready.

 

Monday (yesterday) he sent me a message on facebook that said “have you eaten yet”, I responded with “no”, and he sent me another message that said “you need to eat.”. I didn’t say anything back to that. He called me last night when he got off of work, when I saw his name on the caller ID, I was really happy but really scared at the same time. Happy because he called me, but scared of what he was going to say.

 

I answer the phone and he says “hey” and I say “hey”. He asked me how I was doing and I said “I’m surviving”, I asked him how he was doing and he said “really good”. I asked him how he could be doing really good and he said that he has been hanging out with his friends and stuff. I just said ok to that. He said “can I ask you something” and I said “yes”. He asked me “what were you thinking, or were you thinking, do you even remember it?”. I told him that I don’t know what I was thinking and that I couldn’t remember it, but that I felt horrible and I wish it never would have happened. He asked me if I had anything to say to him. I said “I have so many things I want to tell you, first I am so sorry” He said “I know you are”. I told him that I was crazy about him, and that I loved him more than anything and that I never wanted to hurt him. I told him that I know it’s not an excuse but I was drunk and otherwise it wouldn’t have happened. I also told him that I quit drinking (which I have decided to do, because I do stupid stuff when I’m drunk all the time).

 

He said that part of him tells him to forgive me and take me back, and that another part of him says that he didn’t deserve that and he should let me go. Then he said if we got back together it would never be the same. I told him that it might not be the same for a little while, but it would go back to how it was because we love each other. I told him he couldn’t throw away what we had over one stupid drunk kiss, to someone that I don’t even think is attractive whatsoever, not to mention how completely gone I was (again not an excuse). He said that he just didn’t know what he was going to do. I told him that I wanted to see him in person and talk to him. He said that he had to go to some benefit thing or his friend, and then he asked me if I wanted to go. I was shocked that he asked me so I said “with you?”, ya I feel like an idiot for saying that. Then he said “well I don’t know if I could see you right now, I’m just still mad, I don’t know if I could even talk to you”. I just said “ok Chris, well when you are ready just know that I am here and I really want to see you and talk to you”. I asked him if he still loved me, and he said “I don’t know”. Then he had to get off the phone, he said he might call me back later…but he didn’t

 

Right after we hung up, I sent him a text message that said “I want things back the way they were. Can we at least try, it wouldn’t kill us. I love you, I am so sorry, and I swear on everything that I would never hurt you again”. He didn’t respond to the text message

 

I sent him a message on facebook today asking if I could call him when I got off work. He still hasn’t responded to that.

 

I just really don’t know what to do right now. I’m confused about our conversation last night. I know it’s good he called me, and I know it’s good that he didn’t give me a definite “no” about us getting back together. But how could he be doing so good, and not know if he loves me anymore. Could he be saying that to hurt me? He did say in our conversation that he kept replaying what happened over and over in his mind, so it must be bothering him somewhat right? I just don’t know what to do. Should I still beg and plead for him back, or should I just leave him alone and wait to see what he decides to do?

 

I know this is a little novella, thanks for taking the time to read this.

[northstar1]

Hi everyone, I’m new here. Here is my story.

 

I met the love of my life, Chris, about 3 ½ months ago. We hit it off right away, basically it was love at first sight for both of us. We started going out a week after we met, and told each other that we loved each other about 3 weeks after that.

 

Chris and I are perfect for each other. We get along so great, we have so much fun, we have a lot in common and the same goals. We both say things like “when we get married” or “when we have kids”. We just both knew that we were going to be together forever. Everything was going perfect between us. In the three months that we have been together we have only been apart maybe 3-4 days. We are both 25 years old and ready to settle down. He has graduated from college, and I have a good job while I take some night classes.

 

I love him with everything I have. I have been in my fair share of relationships and have thought I loved people, but it’s nothing compared to what I feel about Chris. He means the world to me, I would walk through fire for him, I would take a bullet for him. I would do anything for him. And I know he feels the same way about me, from what he has told me and what he has told our friends. He’s told our friends that he loves me so much it scares him, and that he is crazy about me.

 

Here is what happened. This last Friday night (Halloween), we went to a party that was at my sisters bar that she works at. I’ve been looking forward to this for months, because Halloween is my favorite Holiday. Anyways, everyone got completely drunk, I mean I was totally wasted, oblivious out of my mind. I don’t remember what happened but here is what people tell me. Chris, our friend Thibault and I were all talking (I was sitting on the pool table). Chris said he had to go to the bathroom, when he left Thibault leaned in and kissed me, and I guess I kissed him back…I don’t really remember. Chris saw it and came up and punched Thibault. (Just to let you know, Thibault is a French exchange student that is here for a year). I guess after that, my friends tell me I was in shock and didn’t know what was going on. Chris wouldn’t talk to me for the rest of the night, he said it was over between us and he never wanted to talk to me again. I cried the whole night and eventually drove home when the bar closed.

 

I called Chris over and over that night, he didn’t answer. I called him a few times the next day, still he wouldn’t answer. I sent him text messages, messages on facebook, and left him voicemails. On Saturday, the day after he put his status to single on facebook, I know it might seem silly, but we both use facebook a lot to keep up with friends and talk to each other when at work. So that was kind of a big deal for me.

 

I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat…it’s Tuesday and I have had maybe one piece of toast and some peanuts for the past 3 ½ days. Saturday through Monday, I felt like my whole world had just crumbled around me, all I could feel was this pain in my chest, I couldn’t stop crying. My stomach growled but I didn’t feel hungry. Chris still wouldn’t talk to me. Sunday night I wrote this long letter about how sorry I was and how I would do anything to get him back, and that even though it’s not excuse I was drunk and otherwise nothing like that would have happened. I told him how hurt I was and couldn’t sleep and haven’t eaten. I put the letter on his car, he found it later that night and sent me a message that said “I’ll talk when I’m ready. You need to eat”. I didn’t respond to the message, because I figured I would just wait for him to be ready.

 

Monday (yesterday) he sent me a message on facebook that said “have you eaten yet”, I responded with “no”, and he sent me another message that said “you need to eat.”. I didn’t say anything back to that. He called me last night when he got off of work, when I saw his name on the caller ID, I was really happy but really scared at the same time. Happy because he called me, but scared of what he was going to say.

 

I answer the phone and he says “hey” and I say “hey”. He asked me how I was doing and I said “I’m surviving”, I asked him how he was doing and he said “really good”. I asked him how he could be doing really good and he said that he has been hanging out with his friends and stuff. I just said ok to that. He said “can I ask you something” and I said “yes”. He asked me “what were you thinking, or were you thinking, do you even remember it?”. I told him that I don’t know what I was thinking and that I couldn’t remember it, but that I felt horrible and I wish it never would have happened. He asked me if I had anything to say to him. I said “I have so many things I want to tell you, first I am so sorry” He said “I know you are”. I told him that I was crazy about him, and that I loved him more than anything and that I never wanted to hurt him. I told him that I know it’s not an excuse but I was drunk and otherwise it wouldn’t have happened. I also told him that I quit drinking (which I have decided to do, because I do stupid stuff when I’m drunk all the time).

 

He said that part of him tells him to forgive me and take me back, and that another part of him says that he didn’t deserve that and he should let me go. Then he said if we got back together it would never be the same. I told him that it might not be the same for a little while, but it would go back to how it was because we love each other. I told him he couldn’t throw away what we had over one stupid drunk kiss, to someone that I don’t even think is attractive whatsoever, not to mention how completely gone I was (again not an excuse). He said that he just didn’t know what he was going to do. I told him that I wanted to see him in person and talk to him. He said that he had to go to some benefit thing or his friend, and then he asked me if I wanted to go. I was shocked that he asked me so I said “with you?”, ya I feel like an idiot for saying that. Then he said “well I don’t know if I could see you right now, I’m just still mad, I don’t know if I could even talk to you”. I just said “ok Chris, well when you are ready just know that I am here and I really want to see you and talk to you”. I asked him if he still loved me, and he said “I don’t know”. Then he had to get off the phone, he said he might call me back later…but he didn’t

 

Right after we hung up, I sent him a text message that said “I want things back the way they were. Can we at least try, it wouldn’t kill us. I love you, I am so sorry, and I swear on everything that I would never hurt you again”. He didn’t respond to the text message

 

I sent him a message on facebook today asking if I could call him when I got off work. He still hasn’t responded to that.

 

I just really don’t know what to do right now. I’m confused about our conversation last night. I know it’s good he called me, and I know it’s good that he didn’t give me a definite “no” about us getting back together. But how could he be doing so good, and not know if he loves me anymore. Could he be saying that to hurt me? He did say in our conversation that he kept replaying what happened over and over in his mind, so it must be bothering him somewhat right? I just don’t know what to do. Should I still beg and plead for him back, or should I just leave him alone and wait to see what he decides to do?

 

I know this is a little novella, thanks for taking the time to read this.

 

I think I saw this on an episode of the OC

 

Okay, first thing is first, you need to eat and sleep or you'll get sick

 

Simple fact, he's hurt. Regardless of you being drunk, and making a mistake, he is hurting from seeing that. Give him space to get over it, I think he'll come back around.

[BikerBeagle]

See, the thing is ..."drunk kisses" don't come from nowhere. Maybe he thinks you are attracted to this 'friend' and let loose your inhibition when you thought he wasn't around ...without knowing what exactly played out, I couldn't tell you. "I was drunk" and "I don't remember" just doesn't cut it as an excuse very often, though.

 

Trust is a terrible thing to lose. And, he's right, if you were to get back together, it would never be the same as it was. He'd probably become overly possessive, overly jealous, very insecure ...and you'd probably spend the rest of your time with him trying to make up for this one mistake.

 

You've already said everything you can say, apologized, you seem regretful ...now it's up to him to decide to forgive you, or not. It concerns me that he is so non-chalant about the whole thing ...already going out with friends, living his life all normal. If this affected him at all, he sure isn't showing it. If he was looking for a way out of your relationship, you just handed it to him on a silver platter.

[redash]

See, the thing is ..."drunk kisses" don't come from nowhere. Maybe he thinks you are attracted to this 'friend' and let loose your inhibition when you thought he wasn't around ...without knowing what exactly played out, I couldn't tell you. "I was drunk" and "I don't remember" just doesn't cut it as an excuse very often, though.

 

Trust is a terrible thing to lose. And, he's right, if you were to get back together, it would never be the same as it was. He'd probably become overly possessive, overly jealous, very insecure ...and you'd probably spend the rest of your time with him trying to make up for this one mistake.

 

You've already said everything you can say, apologized, you seem regretful ...now it's up to him to decide to forgive you, or not. It concerns me that he is so non-chalant about the whole thing ...already going out with friends, living his life all normal. If this affected him at all, he sure isn't showing it. If he was looking for a way out of your relationship, you just handed it to him on a silver platter.

 

I am not attracted to this guy WHATSOEVER. I don't think he is good looking in the slightest and I have never been interested in him. I don't know if he is really that nonchalant about it all or if he was saying that because he knew it would hurt me. and I KNOW he was not looking or a way out of our relationship, everythign was perfect before this, we were gettign closer and closer everyday. He did say that he kept replaying the moment over and over in his head, so how could this not be affecting him?

[BCCA]

Here is an honest guys perspective:

 

"I was drunk and it didnt mean anything" wouldnt cut it. I get drunk, and I sure as hell would be expecting to get dumped if I was seen kissing someone. It doesnt matter if the other guy initiated it, you should have pushed him away, or slapped him. I know, you were drunk, but if the fattest and ugliest man on earth came and tried to lay a smooch on you, I'm thinking you would push him away. Thats probably where Chris' mind is at. It has nothing to do with being attracted to this guy on a daily basis, the point of the whole thing is that you let this guy kiss you when your boyfriend turned his back. It doesnt mean youre a terrible person, but you should try putting yourself in his shoes.

 

He has a valid point about things not being the same, too. Trust me, as much as you want to believe otherwise, things are never the same after a breakup. Now, youll always be trying to keep him from breaking up with you instead of enjoying life together. And you shouldnt have to stop drinking, you need to watch yourself and be more aware of what youre doing.

 

I would back way off of him, give him some time to cool down, and see what he has to say. He just needs space right now.

[sunshinegirl]

I told him that I know it’s not an excuse but I was drunk and otherwise it wouldn’t have happened. I also told him that I quit drinking (which I have decided to do, because I do stupid stuff when I’m drunk all the time).

 

What does this mean? How often do you drink? How often are you drunk?

[redash]

What does this mean? How often do you drink? How often are you drunk?

Me and him go out to the bars every weekend probably. What I mean by doing stupid things when I'm drunk is generally getting drunk and blacking out, and being mean or trying to start **** with people.

[sunshinegirl]

Me and him go out to the bars every weekend probably. What I mean by doing stupid things when I'm drunk is generally getting drunk and blacking out, and being mean or trying to start **** with people.

 

This sounds like a serious problem. Whatever happens with your boyfriend, I very much hope you will get help and follow through on your promise to stop drinking.

[northstar1]

Me and him go out to the bars every weekend probably. What I mean by doing stupid things when I'm drunk is generally getting drunk and blacking out, and being mean or trying to start **** with people.

 

Well...........going to bars every weekend is normal at your age, but the drinking to the point of blacking out is not good, or safe for you.

[BikerBeagle]

I am not attracted to this guy WHATSOEVER. I don't think he is good looking in the slightest and I have never been interested in him.

So, when you are drunk, you kiss just ANY guy who will kiss you first? ...because that's pretty much what he's hearing.

 

I don't know if he is really that nonchalant about it all or if he was saying that because he knew it would hurt me ...He did say that he kept replaying the moment over and over in his head, so how could this not be affecting him?

You missed my point. It's not what he's saying ...it's what he's DOING ...and that is ...nothing out of the ordinary.

 

I'm just trying to keep you from looking like the proverbial "deer in the headlights". For the record, I think that if he loves you, this should be a relatively easy thing to forgive, but like I said, things won't be the same.