Author Sysyphus28 Posted December 1, 2008 Author Posted December 1, 2008 She got me too dude. Lied about wanting to be alone?!! HAHAHH She didn't want me. Lied about doing her best friend........... etc, etc. Cheating and lies. I know. But you have to forgive people to move on. Or at least forgive yourself for acting a fool post-breakup. I texted her I forgive you, when we talked she had no clue what she did wrong. She still doesn't, but i know how it went down. But still. She is happy now, she has a new guy. He really cares about her, and even though I would take her back, I could never care about her like i used too. It's over and had been for 6 months or so. We have both moved on in out own ways. We have both had different experiences that have changed us. I have posted on LS and have done alot of self-work so I am more concious in the relationships I have. I have also dated alot, and I realize I might like something different than a girl that is 7 years younger than me. I might have grown out of that dynamic. She is mentally looking forward at getting her master's degree and being successful ......... She is not looking back. I am not FOR her. And that's ok. It is ok.
Surfer Dude Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 Surfer Dude, I did all those things with the exception of telling my ex that I didnt wanna speak to him again. He can discover that and work it out for himself. I stupidly tried friendship in the first month after being dumped. Over the next three months i've slowly eradicated him and all his friends from my life. I have a new phone number, have blocked them on my email account and I have refused to go anywhere near the city we lived together. It has been hellishly hard but every single day I feel better, and I now don't care if I never see him again. Yes, trying to be friends after getting dumped is really the most foolish thing we could ever do. But we start fearing we are losing our loves and we agree to it, while the dumper accepts the friendship because it provides validation, ego boosts and sense of control over someone. @Sysyphus and Emperor: That's the problem with these damn cheaters and dumpers, they don't realize they did something wrong to someone else! They never even figured out why we went NC. They're probably thinking "that idiot doesn't wanna talk to me for some reason", their feeble minds have never even begun to comprehend the idea that someone who loved them was hurt by their actions! That's because they are selfish and egocentric fools who can't see past their own needs. They are the people who will be with someone to make themselves feel good and to get external validation, instead of wanting to experience true love. To them sex is just an act of boosting their egos instead of bonding with someone. To them their whole life is just a stage and we are pawns they use for their own benefit. My ex f*cked me over and she never said sorry. Whenever I was upset because of breakup, or wanted to talk to her about it, she would get depressed and told me to leave her alone and why can't I allow her to be happy. She can't even see past herself! She doesn't realize I'm not doing this to make her feel bad, but to try and sort out things, she is a center of her own universe and a measure of all things, with zero compassion for others. When I was hurt and crying my guts out, she didn't feel a thing, because she is obsessed with HERSELF and her selfish needs. Well F*CK THEM! I sincerely hope and pray to God that I never have to see my ex in my entire lifetime. I'd probably puke at the sight of that disgusting douche. Good thing she lives in a different country.
EmperorR Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 I agree surfer dude, after my ex made me give up all my close friends, cheated on me and knowing I had no other friends, whenever I tried to talk to her would say she had to go well screw her. I went nc had no friends I had to go out and meert new people, and hell these people I've known only for a month I've told them everything and they are sincere. I love how this cheating whore was acting like shewas the victim and having the nerve to message me on our anniversary even though she has a new bf. The only thing im ashamed of is that I told her I'll lways wait for her etc yeah I was pathetic. And that's the one thing while I'll never take back my ex if she ever tries to, when I was feelin like crap wanting to die all alone and I had no one, she didn't give a damn about me, total strangers who I barely knew cared about me more F her
TeaAbraham Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 Oh man, me too emperor. I told her my heart would always belong to her, and I would forever be waiting for her to return to me. Haha, hot d*mn. The last thing she heard from me was a letter I gave her, professing my undying love and commitment to her. Shameful shameful. No worries though emperor. You shouldn't be ashamed. At the time you thought she was a good and decent person. What could you expect? That's because they are selfish and egocentric fools who can't see past their own needs.Too right you are. I still like to think that she knew what she was doing to me and she knew how bad this was hurting me, because I always knew her to be such a thoughtful person, but no way. She probably likes to think she was feeling sorry for me, but she wasn't really. When she tells me she only sees us being friends together I ask her: "How can you be doing this? How can you be acting so completely unfazed by this? It's like it doesn't even matter to you." At one point while I was on the phone with her and just spewing my emotions and feelings she had fallen off her chair and yelped. She said "Oh, I'm fine! I just fell off my chair" to her roomate in the background, then she gets back on the phone and says "Sorry, Continue" without any sort of emotion at all. Like I had been telling her about some movie I had just seen. Continue?! What?! I told her that this doesn't even matter to you, does it, this isn't bothering you at all what you're doing. She told me "It's just makes this whole thing easier for me this way, not breaking down and crying about it." Hahahaha. Bullsh*t. It's easier this way because you don't actually give a ****. Your f*cking buttercups just got off his jet plane. He was probably even in the same room as you were. I bet he was. Ah well, you're the lying, deceiving, mean spirited, selfish, not even that good looking b*tch, not me. So, yeah. Selfish is the right word for them. It wasn't until the last time I saw her that she says: "Wow, this is a really messed up situation." No f*cking sh*t! Where have you been the past two months, ARGH!!!! Obsessing over yourself and too busy trying to make up lies and half-truths to give me. I wish she lived in a different country. That's the one good thing about your LDR surfer dude, you're damn lucky you don't ever have to see her. Someone on LS said he would be the first to pay for his ex's flight to another planet. No doubt I would be more than willing to fork up the cash for that departure.
9Lives Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 And remember, you could always go a step further and do the same thing I did, kick your ex out of your life forever, i.e. tell him/her to never contact you again, to f*ck off and that you hope you should never see each other again. Change your phone number, change your email addresses, stop hanging out with common friends (or at least force them to stop communicating your ex's life to you). Nothing could be harder than making this step, but it's also very gratifying once you realize that you have become your own person who can stand firmly on the ground, who needs no one to make them happy. You will forget about your ex, they will just become a faint memory. yeah all this is true. I changed my phone number and I feel good and bad at the same time but mostly good. I told him that I love him and he is my heart then ask him not to call me and I would not call him either. I was not going to settle for friendship. I wasnt going to have a relationship that was on his terms with him having the upper hand once again. I just close the door. I have been taking this time to really disconnect from him and emotionally distance myself. It is better than trying to hold on and be disappointed with whatever they throw your way which could be anything. Anyone who still has feelings for a ex and tries to be friends and all that is CRAZY!!! This is the best way to lose your mind quickly and feel like ship. I dont want to know anythng. I think about him all the time. Deep down inside I wish he would come back I think or maybe realize what we are really doing here but at the end of day. I think he is content with his decision. I could be wrong but that is what I think. I listen to all these people here and they have suffered worst than me with losing finances and being cheated on and I guess I did not have it that bad but I never stop loving him. Even though he was making me crazy but now my thoughts are...not worth my time. I talk here to keep my mind right.
EmperorR Posted December 2, 2008 Posted December 2, 2008 Man i'm just thinking back:laugh:, how my ex used to cry so much and it didn't matter the time of day I was there on the phone with her cheering her up making her feel better. The one time in 3 years I cry when she cheats and dumps me, she was to busy to even explain to busy to even talk about it. reason numbre 12,252 why I won't be friends with her. Funny how they want to be friends when they treat you with no damn respect, they treat some joe blow they just met whose just trying to get in their pants with more respect than one of the few people in life who actually cares about them. It's disgusting.
Teuen101 Posted December 2, 2008 Posted December 2, 2008 You know ! rage and hate can help you ! Look I did the NC for months- then I got pissed !! I'm talking about really pissed ! I had some junk to get off my chest ! why go out with a wimper !? I'm going to blow big like a Super Nova ! she cheated and lied to me not once but twice I forgave both times ! Mind you did the NC but I had the feeling of being a sucker like she got the best of me- I needed to confront her- point the finger at her and call her the whore she was! after that it was like I was free! I think some of us here are more upset about being fooled and being made fools of then really missing them or wanting them back. It's like some got the last word on you or something. Sure some may say it's pointless and maybe it is- but the relationship is dead- their is no going back. they did what they wanted to do, so why shouldnt you have you're say ! its over its done say what you need to say and slam the door and give them the finger and move on- they lied to you. why should they walk away thinking they got the better of you at all ! up theirs !
TeaAbraham Posted December 2, 2008 Posted December 2, 2008 I would personally rather just have my ex wondering what happened to me and why I never contacted or saw her again. p.s. If you're reading this dear exy-poo, it's because you're a skank! And many other things as well.
EmperorR Posted December 2, 2008 Posted December 2, 2008 You know ! rage and hate can help you ! Look I did the NC for months- then I got pissed !! I'm talking about really pissed ! I had some junk to get off my chest ! why go out with a wimper !? I'm going to blow big like a Super Nova ! she cheated and lied to me not once but twice I forgave both times ! Mind you did the NC but I had the feeling of being a sucker like she got the best of me- I needed to confront her- point the finger at her and call her the whore she was! after that it was like I was free! I think some of us here are more upset about being fooled and being made fools of then really missing them or wanting them back. It's like some got the last word on you or something. Sure some may say it's pointless and maybe it is- but the relationship is dead- their is no going back. they did what they wanted to do, so why shouldnt you have you're say ! its over its done say what you need to say and slam the door and give them the finger and move on- they lied to you. why should they walk away thinking they got the better of you at all ! up theirs ! I'm in the same boat as you, the only reason I didn't scream curse her call her whore etc. because I didn't want to upset her and want her back, now my eyes are open thanks to NC, and she's off the pedastool I feel like just writing a letter and sending it, however on the other part. I'd rather her not knowing how my life is, what im thinking and screw her ah, the only things I wish I did once she told me she cheated, just called her a whore and never contacted her again, instead I was pathetic begging and pleading for like 3 weeks, telling her I'll never love again, id rather die than be with someone else, and allowing her to pollute my mind thinking im the raeason she cheated.
Teuen101 Posted December 2, 2008 Posted December 2, 2008 ah, the only things I wish I did once she told me she cheated, just called her a whore and never contacted her again, instead I was pathetic begging and pleading for like 3 weeks, telling her I'll never love again, id rather die than be with someone else, and allowing her to pollute my mind thinking im the raeason she cheated. I know how that feels I begged too- I tried so hard to make it work- In the end I looked stupid. My ex isn't thinking of me she is off with her new man finding that loving feeling.! Lets be honest they've moved on, so why should we care what they think about us ? really ? so one day they can look back and say they missed out ? whats the point in that by then we will not care ! So you might as well might as well just say whats on your mind and shut the door and move on, It worked for me- It was like I was sending the message- " hey.! you did wrong and I'm no one fool. it was like I had a say and it helped me move on. this might not work for some of you but it worked for me. when its over its over ! might as well get it all out before you go.. end it like a super nova ! let them know you're no ones fool !
Peter_pan Posted December 2, 2008 Posted December 2, 2008 I'm in the same boat as you, the only reason I didn't scream curse her call her whore etc. because I didn't want to upset her and want her back, now my eyes are open thanks to NC, and she's off the pedastool I feel like just writing a letter and sending it, however on the other part. I'd rather her not knowing how my life is, what im thinking and screw her. i would have cursed her to at the time to "have my say" if i knew she would be with him for a year and not contact me ever again. i still cant decide whether to or not. maybe i need to tell her how dry i think she was and made it impossible for us to ever be back together or be friends and look at our memories with fondness instead of bitterness cause she is with that nob. i hate how she has just done all of this and dont give a **** about it. really annoys me and as the dude above did, i didnt have a go cause i wanted her back and hoped it wouldnt work out with him and she might come back.... tyeah huff
Author Sysyphus28 Posted December 3, 2008 Author Posted December 3, 2008 Seriously, I feel really good right now. I made peace with her and her decision to NOT be with me. How they got out and how they trashed you post breakup matters. Yes is does, and that's where alot of pain comes from. But think about this. Think about how good it would feel for the air to be cleared and animosity to fade between you. Sometimes sh** is too far gone, I know. But sometimes you can have a great closure conversation, where, as a mature adult you confront your fears and deal with your anger in a non-blaming conversational way. Your ex knows they F-ed you up, they know, they are not stupid. But what if you came at them in a different way. Hey............"thanks for the memories" kind of attitude. "I appreciate all I learned from you good and bad", "I forgive you for how you handled yourself after our break-up", "No hard feelings.......ok", "We are both people who have the right to make decisions about our partners", "It is ok" "I just wanted to tell you before the holiday......that I think it is ok that we are not together.......sometimes things don't work out" That's what I said to my ex. I miss her alot, but I needed to let her go. It has 5-6 months........... we broke up. The world has not stopped spinning. SYS keep pushing that rock up the hill!
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