The JOY of friendship with your EX G/F B/F

[northstar1]

Whether your doing LC or NC this is hard for all of us. We miss these certain "comfortable traits" about our exes. They don't even realize how hard this is for any of us, or if they do , they don't care too much.

 

Sometimes....if you have mutual friends,or live in a small town, or go to a similar institution, or work together, it is hard to completely cut out your ex.

 

Caliguy has done it, he works with his ex and ignores her like a ghost. AWESOME!

We all need to think about how we are going to do this. I miss her sometimes, and I threw away the things she gave me during our relationship.

 

*** BUT I need help. I keep falling into this LC friend zone thing with her. We will casually text every so often with quips and whatever. Like someone else said, she is giving me this mediocre friendship and saving all the good stuff for her new man.

 

I am still dating the people, but she is on my mind sometimes.

 

The best thing really is NC. I don't know why I can't let this lame-ass friendship go down the tubes where it belongs.

 

Because you keep wanting just one more "fix". And if you keep in touch with her, maybe she'll come back around. It's called hope and it is a destroyer of souls and hearts. You are not friends. Dont' accept the meagre offering she is giving you. You are worth more than the occasional text msg or that.

 

COLD TURKEY NC

[lofi_tokyo]

Because you keep wanting just one more "fix". And if you keep in touch with her, maybe she'll come back around. It's called hope and it is a destroyer of souls and hearts. You are not friends. Dont' accept the meagre offering she is giving you. You are worth more than the occasional text msg or that.

 

COLD TURKEY NC

 

Haha something I am accepting today too! I went cold turkey NC, got so much better, he contacted me, and I caved in and have kept trying to contact him, he replies, but I'm never satisfied, only sad.

 

Anyways.

NC from today on. I have homework I SHOULD be doing, so yeah, time to get free of that ****!

[mmk1]

Toyko, I'm in the same boat. I've embarassed myself with telling her that I still love her, which I am sure is only feeding her ego and causing her to lose any respect she still has for me. I do not believe we can be friends once we have been lovers, but I cannot keep from contacting her. We have broken up before and we have always gotten back together.

 

Each time I contact her, she replies immediately, but, like you, I am never satisfied and always sad. Sharing details of her life without me leaves me right where I know we are; broken up. Total purgatory.

[sandflea]

Northstar is right. Shut it down and move on.

Look.........my ex g/f has mutual friends here in NC with some of my best friends...

I found out my friend(friend Z) is going to a concert with her and some friends. Instead if flipping out and raging at him or her or making myself look jeoulous and angry, I called friend Z up and I expressed that I was not comfortable with him hanging out with my ex in the future. I told him that thier are a million people to hang out with besides her and it made me feel uncomfortable. He was honest and said he does not think of her in a sexual way and that he was sorry for not taking into consideration that I was still healing and trying to move on. He understood my discomfort and that was that.

 

** I did NOT

 

1. Bug out and tell her to NOT hang out with my friends. I realize I can't control her or her actions/thoughts at all. We are not together anymore. I am free.

 

2. Yell at my friend and treat him like crap when he does not have any bad/romantic intentions. I made it clear to him how I felt in a mature way.

 

3. I did not send any jeolous/controlling texts or emails. Ask her why she was going with "MY" friend.

 

I just handled it like a mature non-attached person.

 

I think I am letting go. How I handled myself is indicitave of it. I know myself, and normally I would have let this tid-bit of new(friend hanging w/ex) drive me up the wall and piss me off.

 

I am still happy this friday. Tonight I am going in my jacuzzi and drinking a beer and I might invite a lady to join me.

 

Please excuse the frankness, bro - but he's not your friend. He may be again - one day - but currently he's dating your ex GF. He told you it wasn't a romantic interest? Now he's lying to you too.

 

You are strong, and steadfast - and you're totally gonna rock this. But - no, call a turd a turd, and deal with this. He's a dog.

 

Yep. You'z lettin go. Does he have a cute ex? . I'm just sayin...

 

Peace

 

SF

[SelfCentered]

You people rock so hard. This is the type of thread I really needed to read today!

 

It's just occured to me...If a "friend" has in the past ever really hurt me or let me down to such a degree, I've ditched them. I've always been confident with this and to this day I haven't regreted it.

 

She wants to be my friend...But if a friend had treated me like she has, I would ditch them on the spot without a second thought. She deserves the same treatment. There shouldn't be an exceptions just because we slept with one another.

 

(Man I could have done with this place about a month ago V_V)

[Sysyphus28]

She isn't sleeping with my buddy. He is not a scumbag, and despite the fact she had been garbage to me, she wouldn't do that.

 

I know that it isn't the case. Anyhow, She called on saturday night...............my phone started blinking "NOT WORTH MY TIME" which is what I put in place of her name....

I a picture of a succubus(a female demon that sucks male energy!)appeared on my phone, I laughed out loud and hit the ignore button. She left a message about getting together for a beer, and then as a postnote she mentioned some money I owed her(150 $). *********** SHE really didn't want to hang out with me, she just wanted money!! She thought I would come ruinning like a dog to hang out with her Saturday night!

I laughed out loud, and texted her back. "You have treated me like Sh** for months. I deserve more than that. Please leave me alone. You will get your money"

 

She called back and I ignored it. I finally put my foot down! After months of wondering and accepting her Bulls*** behavior!

SHe is an immature LOSER.

 

A loser because she lost such a great guy.

 

I feel really good about myself today. Just take the power back people.

It's up to you.

[trueblue72ny]

dude, acting like she wants to go out for a drink but really has ulterior motives??? I hate the dishonesty in people doing that!!! good for you standing up like that. I have an ex giving me the friends line now too. Not sure what the deal is yet. But I know im not interested in being her chat buddy!!!!

[Sysyphus28]

SHe sucks for dumping you. SUCKS.....................SUCKS..............SUCKS!!

She does not get the privledge of who you are anymore. She is a ghost. Tell her that when you get the balls. You are a ghost, and I would be crazy to talk to dead people.

 

Tell her you see right through her.

 

Tell her to enjoy life without you. BON VOYAGE!! Thanks for the good times, another one bites the dust.

 

WHat are you good at? Sports, or music....do that.

Post here

F that succubus and her friendship. Oh boy...........I am spending time with my ex who won't give me any booty or any love instead of hanging out with some new girl.

 

BOOO

think.

Dude

screw friends.

[CaliGuy]

Go read my thread in this forum about the ex from work. I laid a boundary with her a long time ago after we broke up (and considering the circumstances under which the breakup happened, I had every right to exclude her from my life). She keeps trying to poke and prod to find a loophole in my boundary.

But she isn't insisting on a friendship for our benefit. She is doing it for her own, to feed an emotional need that has been missing in her life she she walked away.

To her I say: TOUGH CRAP! Deal with it. It's not problem anymore and I am not required to provide anything to her anymore. She's toxic (and a lot of exs are) for me and it's just not in my best interest to maintain a friendship with her.

Your ex sounds similar in many aspects. If you know it isn't a good idea to be friends with an ex, especially if there are still feelings there, then don't do it.

[trueblue72ny]

Sysyphus, that's what im saying... not interested in being her chat buddy. or a back up while she is seeing what else is out there. and i am going to tell her that when we reach a certain level of communication again -IF we do. no need to be mean to her.. i can get my point across nicely. i just will keep an arms length and let her do the talking. i owe her nothing at this point. & she knows it because i told her that personally already. she is the one contactring me. we did not break because someone cheated or anything, so there are no bad feelings like that. if she did cheat on me we wouldnt be having this conversation. i would write her out of my existence entirely and not look back if i am wronged in that capacity.

 

Sysyphus your ex no offense seems to have really ticked you off. i will have to check out your threads. i wont give my ex the power to string me along. i will be nice and all that but i wont be a muppet.

[Rafa]

I just wanted to bump this thread, it's one of my all-time favorites here on LS. Keep up the good work guys, it's an inspiration.

[EmperorR]

My ex cheated onme lied to me dumped me and had the nerve to tell me let's be friends. Haha ya right, when I first did nc and didn't MSG her she had the here to get angry at me.

 

51 day nc , even bough I feel like MSG I won't screw her

[Sysyphus28]

She did tick me off. It took me waking up and being concious of my thoughts to NOT let her tick me off.

 

She was so immature about the breakup and how she handled this. It was piss poor. PISS POOR.

 

I in turn, acted a fool. I embarrassed myself and humbled myself for NO reason. The outcome was.....GUESS WHAT?!

I'm still dumped.

 

All the "I'm gonna make changes........" "I promise this time it will be different......." "I'm sorry for................"

 

Now here is where I changed one day. I'm sorry for what?!

What am I sorry for? Being myself?!

I am sorry for you not taking the good with the bad? For you not accepting my human imperfections?

 

F*** you ex. I am not sorry for you not being willing to work and communicate within this relationship. I am not sorry for you jumping ship on me. I am not sorry for being me.

 

I will not change for you. I will not give anything else to you.

This is me, and someone else will appreciate the yin and yang of my personality. You don't have to anymore. You gave up.

Your loss.

 

Look, I would love to tell her that to her face, or in an articulate email.

I have daydreamed about it.

BUT, that just keeps the cycle of pain going. That just keeps your communication with them open. It's over. Who cares if they know thier wrong, or if they feel bad.

 

It isn't about them and what they think. You know they are an A**hole for what they did, right?

 

Right?!

 

So.......just breathe in and out and repeat.

"It is about me now" "It is my job to be happy in my new comfort zone that I am creating"

 

Vanish ghost, you have no power over me anymore.

Treat that Bit** like freddy krueger.

[northstar1]

She did tick me off. It took me waking up and being concious of my thoughts to NOT let her tick me off.

 

She was so immature about the breakup and how she handled this. It was piss poor. PISS POOR.

 

I in turn, acted a fool. I embarrassed myself and humbled myself for NO reason. The outcome was.....GUESS WHAT?!

I'm still dumped.

 

All the "I'm gonna make changes........" "I promise this time it will be different......." "I'm sorry for................"

 

Now here is where I changed one day. I'm sorry for what?!

What am I sorry for? Being myself?!

I am sorry for you not taking the good with the bad? For you not accepting my human imperfections?

 

F*** you ex. I am not sorry for you not being willing to work and communicate within this relationship. I am not sorry for you jumping ship on me. I am not sorry for being me.

 

I will not change for you. I will not give anything else to you.

This is me, and someone else will appreciate the yin and yang of my personality. You don't have to anymore. You gave up.

Your loss.

 

Look, I would love to tell her that to her face, or in an articulate email.

I have daydreamed about it.

BUT, that just keeps the cycle of pain going. That just keeps your communication with them open. It's over. Who cares if they know thier wrong, or if they feel bad.

 

It isn't about them and what they think. You know they are an A**hole for what they did, right?

 

Right?!

 

So.......just breathe in and out and repeat.

"It is about me now" "It is my job to be happy in my new comfort zone that I am creating"

 

Vanish ghost, you have no power over me anymore.

Treat that Bit** like freddy krueger.

 

Let it all out bro! Yeah!

 

But you are right, you could compose a Pulitzer prize winning email to her and in the end, all it will do is keep the cycle going, because she won't reply back with what you want.

 

Let her enjoy her own life, she has a lot of growing up to do.

[cashley]

I dont think theres any room for friendship or any further contact EVER with my X.

What for? Yeah its nice to pretend its all good and hear the familiar voice, but.... for me, when its OVER I have nothing more to say, and nothing can be gained from a 'friendship' with the X.

 

 

...My world is a better place after tomorrow....i HAVE to see him VERY BRIEFLY..*no no no no. Im anxious. But I NEED a document for court.

 

I will wear my sunnies, take the document off him, and drive away, the great thing is, after that, I NEVER have to see him again. He has broken my heart, and hurt my soul, he walked all over me, ive enough reason to dislike him with a PASSION.

I dont want to hear his voice again, let alone see him.

'FRIENDSHIP'.....NO WAY. Im done being walked all over.

[EmperorR]

She did tick me off. It took me waking up and being concious of my thoughts to NOT let her tick me off.

 

She was so immature about the breakup and how she handled this. It was piss poor. PISS POOR.

 

I in turn, acted a fool. I embarrassed myself and humbled myself for NO reason. The outcome was.....GUESS WHAT?!

I'm still dumped.

 

All the "I'm gonna make changes........" "I promise this time it will be different......." "I'm sorry for................"

 

Now here is where I changed one day. I'm sorry for what?!

What am I sorry for? Being myself?!

I am sorry for you not taking the good with the bad? For you not accepting my human imperfections?

 

F*** you ex. I am not sorry for you not being willing to work and communicate within this relationship. I am not sorry for you jumping ship on me. I am not sorry for being me.

 

I will not change for you. I will not give anything else to you.

This is me, and someone else will appreciate the yin and yang of my personality. You don't have to anymore. You gave up.

Your loss.

 

Look, I would love to tell her that to her face, or in an articulate email.

I have daydreamed about it.

BUT, that just keeps the cycle of pain going. That just keeps your communication with them open. It's over. Who cares if they know thier wrong, or if they feel bad.

 

It isn't about them and what they think. You know they are an A**hole for what they did, right?

 

Right?!

 

So.......just breathe in and out and repeat.

"It is about me now" "It is my job to be happy in my new comfort zone that I am creating"

 

Vanish ghost, you have no power over me anymore.

Treat that Bit** like freddy krueger.

 

Love this post I was a idiot apologizing to my ex for what she Chester onme when I did.nothing but love her.

[Sysyphus28]

Dislike with a passion. Save that heat for your next lover.

Save yourself from embarrassment.

Your ex should be embarassed of getting rid of such a passionate person.

 

When I see my ex in public, which I inevitably will, she may get a giant smile.

Cause I am so Happy that I don't have to deal with her straight up garbage any more.

You have zero obligation to your dumper.

OK, ok, ok / of course thier were great times. Some of them were romantic and amazing. Sometimes you feel like you won't get that feeling back EVER.

I have to tell you cashley, they can and will.

 

Sometimes you realize people are just grade A douchebags. Don't feel rejected please.

 

Just drive somewhere in your car, roll up the windows, crank your favorite song, and yell at the top of your lungs, "I'm free from your bull****!"

 

"I'm free from you controlling my emotional state"

 

Who do these ex's think they are? The last man/woman on the planet?

They are not.

Make some new connections.

[Surfer Dude]

This thread is a good read.

 

I still sometimes miss my ex, but after a few minutes the feeling of nostalgia turns into disgust once I remember how much of a douchebag she is.

 

I can't believe that after my ex fiance cheated on me, dumped me for another man (men actually) she still had the nerve to ask for friendship and then insulted me with talks about her new guys constantly.

 

Me being a weak frustrated chump, fearing to lose my best friend and lover of 2 years, agreed to that BS. I even once wrote her a 5 page letter apologizing for being a terrible person (while I never did anything wrong, she was the one responsible for all the mess). I can't believe she managed to subjugate me so much, I was once a man standing proud and tall, and she made into this weak boy with no self esteem.

 

It felt so good sending her an offensive and insulting goodbye forever email a few days ago, calling her a slut and a whore. Damn, that was satisfying. I promise to myself that I will never regret saying those words, she deserved them.

 

Once a douche cheats on you and dumps you, I ASK YOU TO NOT SUBMIT to them. They have lost every right and privilege to have you in their life, but they don't wanna feel guilty over dumping you, so they are clearing their conscience by keeping you as a friend, because it's convenient for THEM. Those dumpers that have the nerve to ask you to be their friend, ARE THE MOST SELFISH people you could ever encounter, run like there's no tomorrow and give them what they deserve.

 

Now I know better than to let anyone destroy my self esteem by asking me to be their friend after dumping me. NC all the way and saying goodbye to those *******s is a true life saver.

[Trimmer]

Anyhow, She called on saturday night...............my phone started blinking "NOT WORTH MY TIME" which is what I put in place of her name....

 

HA! I love this!!! :lmao:

[sumdude]

Originally Posted by Sysyphus28

Anyhow, She called on saturday night...............my phone started blinking "NOT WORTH MY TIME" which is what I put in place of her name....

 

Most excellent! I just have "X"....

[EmperorR]

This thread is a good read.

 

I still sometimes miss my ex, but after a few minutes the feeling of nostalgia turns into disgust once I remember how much of a douchebag she is.

 

I can't believe that after my ex fiance cheated on me, dumped me for another man (men actually) she still had the nerve to ask for friendship and then insulted me with talks about her new guys constantly.

 

Me being a weak frustrated chump, fearing to lose my best friend and lover of 2 years, agreed to that BS. I even once wrote her a 5 page letter apologizing for being a terrible person (while I never did anything wrong, she was the one responsible for all the mess). I can't believe she managed to subjugate me so much, I was once a man standing proud and tall, and she made into this weak boy with no self esteem.

 

It felt so good sending her an offensive and insulting goodbye forever email a few days ago, calling her a slut and a whore. Damn, that was satisfying. I promise to myself that I will never regret saying those words, she deserved them.

 

Once a douche cheats on you and dumps you, I ASK YOU TO NOT SUBMIT to them. They have lost every right and privilege to have you in their life, but they don't wanna feel guilty over dumping you, so they are clearing their conscience by keeping you as a friend, because it's convenient for THEM. Those dumpers that have the nerve to ask you to be their friend, ARE THE MOST SELFISH people you could ever encounter, run like there's no tomorrow and give them what they deserve.

 

Now I know better than to let anyone destroy my self esteem by asking me to be their friend after dumping me. NC all the way and saying goodbye to those *******s is a true life saver.

 

 

damn your story is similar to mine, my ex fiance of 3 years cheated on me, I was a idiot she was blaming me for cheating adn I went along with it at first, writing letters poems, saying I'd change, as if I'm the one who cheated. I did that whole friend's crap for a few weeks, until I slapped myself and woke up and said no more, I was the one cheated on, and she has the nerve to dump me, say let's be friends and I'm suppose to take it.

 

 

I remember the nerve of her messaging me and asking how do you tell if a guy likes you, when my heart was broken, and how she found some new guy with so much in common, of course I had to put in is he a cheat like you?

 

God Bless LS, for helping me smarten up, I only wish I did NC from the first day.

 

 

61 days NC and no turning back

[Surfer Dude]

damn your story is similar to mine, my ex fiance of 3 years cheated on me, I was a idiot she was blaming me for cheating adn I went along with it at first, writing letters poems, saying I'd change, as if I'm the one who cheated. I did that whole friend's crap for a few weeks, until I slapped myself and woke up and said no more, I was the one cheated on, and she has the nerve to dump me, say let's be friends and I'm suppose to take it.

 

 

I remember the nerve of her messaging me and asking how do you tell if a guy likes you, when my heart was broken, and how she found some new guy with so much in common, of course I had to put in is he a cheat like you?

 

God Bless LS, for helping me smarten up, I only wish I did NC from the first day.

 

 

61 days NC and no turning back

 

Exactly.

 

We have nothing to apologize for. The reason we both sent them letters and poems is because they somehow managed to get us on a guilt trip about breakup. That's what cheaters and dumpers do, they make you think it's somehow your own fault, and you start apologizing to them, while it gives them an opportunity to have a clean conscience for dumping us.

 

I will never again allow anyone to destroy my self respect. LS saved my life.

[Sysyphus28]

So I feel self - empowered.

I talk to her/get an email or a text

and I start pussyfooting around, talking to her like she is a friend......

she is manipulative and most importantly bad for my life.

 

She wasn't always bad.........but as of now, she is like poison ivy that I am waiting to heal from.

My broken heart has mended, but her mosquito like presence still affects me. She has not given me ONE IOTA that she is interested in me. She has ejected me from any important part in her life. Maybe she calls me up to say hi sometimes......or see if I am going to a concert.....or our mutual friends have a get together. It always blows for me. It is a WIN--LOSE situation because I have to see her stupid smiling face.....

 

I have avoided her alot. I have done my best to live my own life without her. I have moments of weakness.............

but I am doing my best.

[EmperorR]

What's even worse this whole friend's crap is a joke, 61 days NC, and all i've got is a half ass text, I thought I was your best friend , maybe I died.

[TeaAbraham]

You've got it Sysyphus.

 

Why would I want to be friends with her anymore? Why should I even care about her anymore? Or him for that matter?

 

You two were the best friends I had in the world and you f-ing screwed me over to be with eachother?

 

AND YOU SAY YOU WANT TO BE FRIENDS?

 

Are you kidding me?

 

"I guess I had this dream that we could be really good friends after this"

 

After you cheated on me with my best friend?!

 

Whoa, there. You are crazier than I thought you were.

 

You approach me, with that sad face on you. I've seen that face before. The second I smile at you, hold you, and tell you everything is going to be alright, you turn me into dirt. I mean nothing to you. I give you my compassion, I give you my heart again, and that's when you know you can treat me like I'm nothing. Once I cave in and hold you, love you, you know you can do whatever you want to me, and I will run after you.

 

"Why are you being so inconsiderate? I am there for you when you're down, and then you treat me like this?"

"Geese, thicken up."

 

Thicken up? What the fu-ck?! You are the one who crawls to me when you're sad.

 

And you say I'M controlling?! Please.

 

Yeah, let's be friends. Because you deserve me so much. I am willing to be everything for you, willing to work through even this f-ucked up situation. I am the better man now. I am more compassionate, more kind, stronger, more loving, more able to work through problems, more honest.

 

You are the controlling one. You are deceiving, you are a liar, you use people, you show no compassion, you pretend to care about things but you really don't, you are weak, you run straight from me into another man's arms, totally incapable of working through problems, whiny when you don't get your way, and you even f-ing steal from poor people who shared their house with us, shared their lives with us. You want to "know something true"? You want to "do what is right"? All you care about is yourself.

 

HE moved in with you ONE week after you moved away?!

 

And you think you are your own person. You think you aren't emotionally dependent on others?

 

ONE week?

 

Bull ****. You told me you wanted to find yourself. You told me you wanted to find out who you are, on your own. You think you are your own person now? You were talking to him for hours on end on the phone when we were in our relationship, then he moves in with you after a week?

 

ONE week?

 

You weren't finding who you are, you were finding out what's new with my best friend. With your ex-boy. You didn't find yourself. You aren't independent. You aren't your own person. You just cling on to others when you feel down. Stop lying to yourself. Stop lying to others.

 

You don't deserve me as a friend. You sicken me. You don't deserve anything from anybody. You'll only take what they give you and run away, without even feeling bad about it. From his arms, to my arms, to his arms again. Yeah, you're so strong. You really found out who "you" are. Stop kidding yourself.

 

But what does it matter to me if you kid yourself? You deserve whatever's coming once you can't keep lying to every body. I'm lucky to be free of your lies and your selfishness.

 

"I guess I was just dreaming we could be friends after this"

 

Yeah, **** around with your ex while we were in a 3 year relationship, and I'll be there on the sidelines whenever you need me.

 

That's what you were trying to get away with. But I found out.

 

Sorry to discover your lies.

 

Friends? You have to be kidding me.