Saesan Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 Hi All, I've been lurking on here for a couple weeks and thought it was time I posted my own story. I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years a bit over a month ago with nothing more than a few txt messages and no real discussion, he walked out leaving me behind in a house I can't afford with bills etc. piling up to be with another girl. I've been a full time student for the last couple years so I've pretty much been financially dependant on him other than working a couple days a week to pay my half of the rent and have a little bit of cash left over for myself. We also have a dog and a cat together, which have so far stayed with me despite him insisting on having the dog. So I did the whole NC for almost 3 weeks, then out of the blue he txt's me to ask if he can come over and mow my lawn for me because he feels bad about everything that has happened and it is the least he could do. So I let him come over on friday afternoon and mow it, then afterwards we talked and he said that he was really regretting everything that happened and that he still loves me and wants to try and work things out. He also leaves his lawn mower in my garage. Then he comes over again on saturday and we talk some more, and then he tells me that after he left on friday night he was feeling really positive about us and tried to break it off with the girl he has been seeing and thats when she told him that she thinks she's pregnant. But he's really confused because he doesn't love her and want to be with her anymore, but wants try to see if we can sort things out despite this. The next afternoon he starts txting me again because he's really freaking out about the whole pregnancy thing and doesn't know what to do, and he's worried that its all going to be very hard on me. I just told him to wait for the test results before he decides anything - even though according to him she took a home test that morning that showed up negative. Then about 5 hours later, I get a message saying that he won't be seeing me anymore, and that he loves her and wants to be with her regardless of whether she is pregnant or not, he only came over to see me to try and get the dog back and find out for himself that he really loves her, and that I should find someone else. So what gives? If he wanted the dog he could've taken him at anytime over the weekend while he was here - and he's also left his lawn mower behind. I'm trying to make sense out of it all and sort out the truth from the lies, but its pretty much impossible. I'd gotten to the point in the 3 weeks of NC of accepting that I wasn't going to see him again and had started to get back into living my life - going to work, preparing for exams, starting to eat right and sleep a bit better, and now I feel like I'm back right where i was last month. The weirdest part is I haven't been as upset as I was last month when he left - I haven't even really cried over it yet whereas last time I was a complete mess for the first week. But I don't feel like I've gotten any closure either, or that its really all over for good this time. I just don't know what to make of it... Anyone got any helpful advice for me at this time?
BikerBeagle Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 Wow, quite the roller coaster ride he's putting you through. I guess we have to refer to BB's Rule #1 of breaking up: Never believe anything an ex says ...they will say/do anything to relieve themselves of their own guilt. It looks like you were on your way to moving on ...get back to that. Keep the dog, keep the lawn mower, and tell him to bugger off.
Hersheys Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 I agree. Try your hardest to maintain absolute NC with him. Don't give him anymore chance to hurt you again. You need some time to heal. If he contacts you again asking how you've been or something lame like asking about his lawnmower, don't feel bad about telling him to leave the heck out of you alone. Imo, it would be best to ignore him outright.
Author Saesan Posted November 5, 2008 Author Posted November 5, 2008 Yeah I figured the whole NC thing again was what I had to do, but its just so hard when you've spent so much time with a person to just cease all contact (as I'm sure we all know), especially seeing as how he was my best friend prior to the break up. Its really eating me up inside because we were planning on starting a family next year, and now he's off doing that with another girl not a month later. Meh, it sucks big time and just wish I could walk away from it as easily.
crazysnail Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 Saesan I would have to say that what he did (saying he still loves you giving you false hopes and then saying he doesn't) is really F****d up (pardon my language but I just got really pissed off after reading your story). I say you already almost gave him a second chance. That, plus the fact that he was the one who wanted out in the first place means to me that you don't have to put up with this nonsense anymore. Secondly, don't berate yourself with not being able to move on quickly. I think that maybe sometimes by being upset at myself for not being able to move on yet only makes it worse. Two months is hardly long enough for it all to be just fine - so in the mean time, take your time trying to deal with the pain.
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