beautiful_stranger Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 Okay.. i'm interested in this guy who's a friend that i have recently developed feelings for. Now, I have heard stories about him from one or two friends (completely different sources) that say he didnt treat his ex gf's properly. I.e. openly flirts with other girls in front of them. His relationships didnt last for very long. The thing is his last relationship was 3 years ago. My excuse for him is that he was too young or didnt really like his exes enough.. as according to him the exes went after him (even though its not too much of an excuse i know..). So my question is, do guys' ways of treating girls mature as they age? or will it always be the same? If so, should i still go for it to try it out? or run?!
Island Girl Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 The guys ways change when he finds a girl he really likes who doesn't get "stuck" and won't put up with him acting that way.
PrincessPeach Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 Don't put up with him acting that way early on. If he does something you don't like and you just keep quiet about it then it establishes in his mind that it is okay to do. Make sure he knows when he does something that is not okay. A guy will treat a girl how we let them treat us. It wasn't a problem with him, it was a problem with his exes not standing up for themselves. Be a strong confident woman and not only will he admire you more for it but you will make him a better man for it.
D-Jam Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 So my question is, do guys' ways of treating girls mature as they age? or will it always be the same? If so, should i still go for it to try it out? or run?! There's the proverbial question most women ask. It's either "Would he treat me right when he's terrible to other women?" or "He's commitment-phobic and sleeps around. When is he going to want to give up that life and settle down?" Too many women out there want to believe in the fantasy that they are so "special" that men will change their lives for them. It sounds like a nice fairy tale, but I have never seen it come true. Even the women who managed to tame a scoundrel into marriage or a RL have come back later to find their man cheating or going back into his old ways. Why do boys (not men) mistreat women? It's not about maturity, but respect. These men honestly don't respect women, and thus see how easily they can get away with bad behavior...and will be forgiven as opposed to dumped. Can these guys change into committing wonderful men? It's extremely rare. What changes them is that they meet a woman they truly like. Most of the time it's a woman who challenges him and practically treats him the way he treats women. He ends up gaining a respect for this woman and thus works hard to keep her, rather than see her as "easily disposable". Unfortunately it does not happen as often as many women want to believe. Too many women want to believe they are that woman who can tame the untameable. Beautiful Stranger, all you can do (if you really like him) is to go out with him a few times, but keep your guard up and your eyes open. Don't fall into the trap of emotional attachment with him so quickly that when the bad behavior comes out you will be blinded and thus won't dump him. Stand strong that you will walk the minute you see his old ways come out. Do not fall into the trap where he messes up over and over, begs forgiveness, and yet never really tries to do better.
Trialbyfire Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 It depends on how old he is and whether he wants to change. I wouldn't expect change from him or need/want to change him. If so, you're setting yourself up for heartbreak, unless you're only looking for something short-term. Looking to potential never works.
JamesM Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 Simply put.... Boys change. Men don't. In other words, at a certain age, very few men (or women) change habits that have been ingrained in them from their youth. Always love someone for who they are today and never for who you hope they might be someday.
BentSpine Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 Better question: What was lacking in this guy to make him consistently treat women terribly? How could he be without remorse knowing that he had caused the women great pain? My guess is that he didn't care about their feelings, only his own. The women were only tools for him to use to reach his goal. How can he start to care, when at his core he doesn't value women as companions? Psychopaths don't seem to change during their life according to one expert on the disorder(Robert Hare). If you're turned on by being treated terribly, go for it.
Author beautiful_stranger Posted November 5, 2008 Author Posted November 5, 2008 he's in his mid twenties, his last relationship was in his early twenties. I have actually confronted him with this issue.. and he's response was that he was too young and didnt know how to treat women. But really early twenties isn't young, so i dont really know if his excuse is really valid.
Balthazar Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 "Early twenties" isn't young? I would say very few men have matured by their early to mid twenties. I can understand judging a man over 30 more critically, but at his age, you need to give him the benefit of the doubt, especially if you really like him and want to work a relationship out. CHeers,
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