muse08 Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 so...the LD guy i stopped seeing a month ago has been in touch every since we stopped seeing each other. he's emailed and texted to keep me posted on a situation that he was supposed to be taking care of,but has not CALLED .though the chemistry btwn us was strong and we spent days together;each day being just as good as the previous day. i was not quick to respond to his messages.(i told him i didn't want drama in my life. so one day as he was opening up and "sharing" and saying how he'd had thoughts of me moving where he was,he says he can't see me anymore b/c he didn't feel it would be a smart time due to drama in his life.) so i have not called him and barely responded to his messages. just recently i have communicated via text mess. this is the guy who "intentionally leaves an item"(my prior post) at my place on one of our early dates/says he likes attention/says he has fantasies of me/wants to be more confident for me, etc... sooo, yesterday morning he CALLS me...saying how he would like me to send him emails and text messages to help him get through a busy day that he'd be having today and he looks forward to hearing from me. we're 3 hours away. he has his own set of friends, job, life seperate from me. so why did he feel the need to call me and ask/tell me that...? he could have just emailed it or texted the same info. what does this mean? nothing...something...less interest...renewed interest?
mara80 Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 ...definitely more interest from his side...now it's really up to you to respond this interest or not... but from i can see, he IS very interested in you..and you know...when a guy calls a girl too many times, often without much feedback, he's just being persistent, and that is generally considered a quality. if a girl does that...she's getting clingy:P
Author muse08 Posted November 4, 2008 Author Posted November 4, 2008 thanks for your feedback. he ended up contacting me first, in the morning. i did respond. he keeps sending messages and i didn't respond to the last one yet. i don't want to seem desperate or easy, though sex is not involved really, only lightly. i REALLY like him and he says the same about me. i just don't think there's anything for me to do now. i have to move on emotionally...until he gives me some sort of concrete evidence of his intentions, if he will ever have any regarding me.
Author muse08 Posted November 6, 2008 Author Posted November 6, 2008 :confused:another day...another message from him that was a bit pointless to me. so i didn't respond. wish he'd stop being silly and/or just stop contacting me. the more i ignore him, the more he tries to get at me. i'm confused, yet convinced...that he really craves attention, more than a child or a pet, perhaps...?
mara80 Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 do you mind me asking how old are the two of you? i acts a bit silly, i have to admit...but..who knows.. u might be the kind of woman/girl that somehow intimidates men ( i know how it is to be this way...i've been told sooo many times that i intimidate men because i seem so self-confident). however...i wouldn't know what to do if i were you...perhaps you should try to get on with your life, see people, see men ( boys), and time...will clear things up i guess
Author muse08 Posted November 6, 2008 Author Posted November 6, 2008 do you mind me asking how old are the two of you? i acts a bit silly, i have to admit...but..who knows.. u might be the kind of woman/girl that somehow intimidates men ( i know how it is to be this way...i've been told sooo many times that i intimidate men because i seem so self-confident). however...i wouldn't know what to do if i were you...perhaps you should try to get on with your life, see people, see men ( boys), and time...will clear things up i guess im 34. he's 36. did u mean he acts a bit silly? if so i agree. like a little boy rather than a grown 36 yr old. i HAVE been told that i intimidate men, but i don't see it because it's never my intention. i've also been told that i act like i don't need them and that i act cold. i know part of that IS true perhaps b/c i don't go around smiling all the time and i don't flirt a lot. i'm never the one persuing a man, but i will reciprocate if i'm feeling him. i try to be pleasant, but i don't stroke a man's ego much and retreat often when i feel that he's not being sincere. the fact that i grew up in a single parent home and witnessed my mother doing so much on her own without a man, i think subcontiously i have an extremely low tolerance for b.s. if i sense it, i become even more distant and less responsive. so when guys see me showing little "reaction" they try to play mind games, as many men do...something i despise. many guys that i end up dating are used to having women be very aggressive. me...i'm not the one...
Author muse08 Posted November 7, 2008 Author Posted November 7, 2008 ...perhaps you should try to get on with your life, see people, see men ( boys) ...however, i am getting on w/my life, seeing other people...men, not boys.
mara80 Posted November 7, 2008 Posted November 7, 2008 i've also been told that i act like i don't need them and that i act cold. i know part of that IS true perhaps b/c i don't go around smiling all the time and i don't flirt a lot. i'm never the one persuing a man, but i will reciprocate if i'm feeling him. i try to be pleasant, but i don't stroke a man's ego much and retreat often when i feel that he's not being sincere. one by one: 1. the age: 36 is quite enough for a man to act ( or to be axpected to act )in a mature way. and he's not doing that 2. the intimidating part: i'm 28 and i've been in the job of intimidating men practically since i started dating...same thing for me; i don't stroke their ego, i back off when i feel lack of sincerity or something else that turns me off, i'm told that i act as i i don't need them ( and, apart from the affective area, i don't really NEED a man..a just get everything i need by myself) etc etc.. well...perhaps we should change something with the smiling part ...been doin' some experiments lately, and smiling helps a lot...not only in dating:) as for the explanations...being raised in a single parent family explains A LOT. I've been raised by a rather liberal family, who emphasized the idea that women are , in many ways, equal to men and, by all means, independent creatures... so i think i understand you... 3. i said date men/boys cause i was not sure about his age. 4. as for WHAT TO DO NEXT: i'd say either wait for the unwinding of the events, wither have a serious talk with him...perhaps try to open yourself a bit - and perhaps that would make him open too( he seems unbelievably shy) good luck:)
Author muse08 Posted November 9, 2008 Author Posted November 9, 2008 ...well...perhaps we should change something with the smiling part ...been doin' some experiments lately, and smiling helps a lot...not only in dating:) 4. as for WHAT TO DO NEXT: i'd say either wait for the unwinding of the events, wither have a serious talk with him...perhaps try to open yourself a bit - and perhaps that would make him open too( he seems unbelievably shy) good luck:) ...great feedback, thanks! you're so right about the smiling...i have started to smile a bit more, depending on where i am. but not just everywhere i go. i too have noticed how contagious a smile is...it actually makes people want to smile back! as for this guy i have been discussing, he's about to be completely out of the picture now. i have met other guys since our last contact. plus, he's not showing enough initiative or intention. i know i'm not the most transparent person, but he is the one who mentioned having thoughts of me moving near him, then said he couldn't see me anymore in the same conversation, supposedly b/c of his psycho ex and his own mental instability. his behavior patterns have caused me to think that he might be the main one whose sanity is challenged. what's so darn HARD to grasp is that when we spent time together we couldn't keep our hands or eyes off of one another and conversation was so honest and free flowing. i really liked this guy...shucks! but i can't put my heart on hold...i could never bring myself to have serious talk with him. my logic is that if a man says he can't see me anymore due to drama and/or his own demons, then it may be self-destructive to go after more answers and explainations. so i think i'm just going to just chill out for now. if he decided to come around one day and i'm available then i would be pleased , but otherwise if i can't beat this issue and myself to death while he is probably going on with his life...
mara80 Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 we often reach the right conclusions ourselves... i'm glad you're reached yours:)
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