VeraLee Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 Years ago I met a man. It was one of those fairy tale nights, where there was just a crazy connection, and we even fell asleep in each other's arms. That same week he followed me over 600 miles to my hometown, to try and get me to come away with him. His job is one that has him traveling to new locations every week, he literally lives in hotels. And I love that! Sounds like a dream to me! However I did not go with him, as he displayed some frightening traits, like extreme paranoia, and I did not know him well enough to take such chances like leaving home! Also, I was pretty young at the time. Well we kept in contact over the years. When I say in contact, I mean like hour long conversations, sometimes daily. There was hardly a week that would go by that I would not atleast hear from him. Some days he'd call over 20 times, until I'd answer. I talked him through dark times that he was going through. I always wanted to see him again. He was always hurt that I chose not to leave with him when he came here years ago. To the point that he would not come see me again, but he would not stop calling, even when he was with someone new. Well this past summer he showed up in my town. And we have been together since then, for about 4 or so months. A few times I made him leave... I don't want to get into all of his issues because there are a lot. I think he has a brain disorder and some of his actions may be out of his control at times. Or atleast harder to control than a normal person's. The issue I am dealing with right now is his insecurity. He is extremely insecure. And this has caused him to ruin chances I give him, over and over. I guess my biggest and hardest thing with this is, I LOVE this man. He is everything I ever dreamed in a man. He is beautiful, to me. Sometimes I just can't stop staring at him. I get upset to think of anyone else even touching him. I love all of his accomplishments in life, and there are a lot of really over the top accomplishments! I love what he does for a living. I love his humor, when it isn't mean, it is right in line with my own weird sense of humor. I love the way we fit together, I literally could live my life in his arms, and he feels the same way. I love how he thinks I am beautiful, without makeup or anything at all. I love how affectionate he is, and how he is with animals. I love so many things about him, the way we met, it was all like a dream. That is a nightmare, because of his issues. He is constantly accusing me of insane things. And this kills me, because it makes me feel like he can't possibly love me, if he doesn't know me well enough to know that I would never do the things he accuses me of. He will even step aside out of his own mind for awhile, to see that he is being unreasonable, and apologize. But then he will get right back to it. He recently contacted a girl he used to date. He showed me the correspondence! I know he did this because I am not constantly looking over his shoulder, like he is doing to me! And I would never stand for unfaithfulness in a relationship of mine. He is just doing things to destroy my trust, because he can't seem to trust me! He says I am too beautiful to be with someone like him, it's like he has no self worth. But aside from the issues, I feel like the luckiest person in the world to have him! And yes, i have told him these things. He has made huge improvements in his life regarding the issues. He used to be an alcoholic, and he has stopped drinking for me. He has agreed to go to therapy (although he hasn't yet), and he has even allowed talk of him having a mental or pyschiatric disease, which his older brother told me is unheard of, him even letting anyone speak of that possibility. His family is very close knit, and they all seem to think I am an angel sent to him. I just feel so hurt by it all, and I don't want to let go! But this is killing me. Thanks for listening so far.
PrincessPeach Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 A couple things... When he is showing you correspondence I am assuming it's mostly meaningless (or at least non-romantic) stuff. I think he would do this to establish that you can trust him and that you don't need to look over his shoulder all the time. if this isn't the case and this was romantic correspondence he is showing you, then that's a definite problem. If you want him to go to therapy, offer to go together with him. It may help him feel more comfortable with it and more likely to finally go through with it with you by his side. Has he had bad past experiences that give him more reasons to be insecure. I don;t know what advice to give here, because I'm not very knowledgeable about things like this and don't know him specifically, I don't want to give advice that would hurt more than help. I think seeking help and you going along with him would likely be beneficial. Talk to a counselor in your area before taking him (research it a little and ask the opinions of a couple different counselors) then make a decision based on what they have told you. Tell him that you are going to go out and do this before you actually do it, as springing it on him that you've already done it and are ready to take him to X counselor may just spring forward more insecurities.
mara80 Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 that's what he needs... if you want to stand bi him, as friend, that would be just great...however, as woman..just try to move on with your life.... ok, keep in touch with him, if you want to, but try to see people, try to change something in your life... go to holiday ina exotic or at least new place i see this report is consuming you a lot... and you might just need and deserve a change
Author VeraLee Posted November 4, 2008 Author Posted November 4, 2008 Thank you for your advice so far. The correspondense is not really romantic to say, but these are girls he meets while traveling, and not actual life long friends. So they ARE options, women who were attracted to him and approached him, or vice versa. Many times when he shows me these things, it is to make me jealous, if I haven't been! He has had bad experiences in the past with cheating girlfriends, and has explained this to me. But his accusations to me are unfounded, and sometimes ridiculous! I can't even make a phone call without him going crazy. He has even taken the cord with him when going into the bath, so that I could not call anyone. He is scared someone is going to "steal me" away. I have said I would go to therapy with him, and he seems comforted by that.
You'reasian Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 Thank you for your advice so far. The correspondense is not really romantic to say, but these are girls he meets while traveling, and not actual life long friends. So they ARE options, women who were attracted to him and approached him, or vice versa. Many times when he shows me these things, it is to make me jealous, if I haven't been! He has had bad experiences in the past with cheating girlfriends, and has explained this to me. But his accusations to me are unfounded, and sometimes ridiculous! I can't even make a phone call without him going crazy. He has even taken the cord with him when going into the bath, so that I could not call anyone. He is scared someone is going to "steal me" away. I have said I would go to therapy with him, and he seems comforted by that. This guy is insecure with your relationship. Taking the phone cord into the bathroom is on the extreme side - how far, I'm not sure. Either he needs help in a couples counselling type environment (if you guys are a couple) or you need to cut him loose.
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