Major guidance needed fast!

[melissa123]

Hi everyone!

 

I need some help fast!!!

 

I am in a LD relationship with my bf, one that is really struggling.

 

Yesterday I totally gave up with him and told him I needed to 'talk', We arranged a time (tonight) but now im well and truley freaking out and have no idea what to say!!!!!! Please help!!

 

Quick background: We are about 4 hours drive away and 40ish mins plane trip away. We havn't been dating that long but have been very close friends for about 6 years!

Anyway to begin with he was great in the relationship, always made an effort to talk and even to come and see me.

 

But within the last month or so everything has stopped. He has stopped all together with the nice talk. The last time he said he missed me was a good month ago

I am always trying to get him to talk but he shuts off or just doesn't reply. He also said he cant come and see me for atleast two months as he is to busy and I cant come down to visit

He has become so moody with me an it breaks my heart! I have tried everything but he just makes no effort. I always try my absolute best to compliment him and make him happy.

I have to tiptoe around him as im so scared of him getting mad at me over something I say.

 

For example the other day in the morning I txtd him and told him I had two job interviews that day and was really nervous. By 11pm that night I still had no response so I txtd again to ask if he was going to talk to me today. His response was that he doesn't want to talk to me if im going to be grumpy like that and then he switched his phone off and refused to talk. This was the night before my final exam and I spent it upset unable to study.

 

My final straw came yesterday. He had ignored me for 3 days straight. No contact at all. After 3 days I lost it and asked why he wasn't talking to me. All i got was a grumpy one sentence txt back. 'maybe because I have no money on my phone?'.

I replied and tried to get him to talk to me, I told him I broke a finger the other day. All i got back was 'he he'.

 

It totally broke my heart that he cared so little about me.

I just replied that I was going to ring him tonight to 'talk'.

 

 

I was soo angry and had it all planned out in my head that it was over and that I couldnt take being treated like this anymore.

But since I told him I wanted to talk he has been bombarding me with sweet txts. The type of things he would say back at the beggining of our relationship.

He clicked that I am sick of his behaviour and he sent many txts saying he was panicking and very stressed out about me calling. It was the most attention he has given me for a month and the nicest he has been to me.

 

So this is my dilema! What do I say to him?? I woke up this morning and burst into tears because I missed the old him so much. I dont think I can break up with him and he means sooo much to me and I cant be without him. All his txts last night made my bad feelings disappear and I felt bad that I had upset him.

 

Does anyone have any advice in this situation?

I have no idea what to say when I ring him tonight

Please help me think of something!!!

I just have no idea what to do! He means more than the world to me but is hurting me

 

please help!

[lofi_tokyo]

First off: All relationships have their honeymoon period, then they pitter off.

Secondly: Often in a LDR one of the people in the relationship will inevitably be hit harder by the distance than the other. At first it was easy for your man because you were starting out, but I suspect he is being worn down. (I just recently got out of a LDR that lasted 2.5yrs).

Thirdly: Do you really want to continue to date a man who treats you badly? You cannot keep waiting on the past to happen again - its the past afterall. Who he is now is who you've got.

 

The best you can do is have a heart to heart talk with him, see where things are going - if hes acting the way he is, its very possible that hes keeping emotions or things he should be saying hidden from you - get to the core of whats wrong, that way you can sort it out.

[norajane]

I was soo angry and had it all planned out in my head that it was over and that I couldnt take being treated like this anymore.

 

This is what you tell him!

 

Just because he sweet texts you now, doesn't mean he didn't treat you like crap for a month or two. Ask him point blank what his issue is. Is he unemployed and broke and doesn't want to tell you so he's backing off because he can't afford an LDR? Is he seeing someone else? Tell him he can't send texts for an afternoon and make up for ignoring you and being an ass. There's something driving his change in behavior and if he doesn't tell you what it is, you have no choice but to leave him because you aren't happy.

[melissa123]

Hi!

 

Thankyou both so much for your fast replies!

I went to ring last night when we had arranged but he ended up having a party with flat mates and was drunk!

So I thought it was best to put it off and try again tonight!

 

Whats really not helping me is that now he is being so sweet to me and is finally paying me some attention like he used to!

Now that he has done this all my unhappy feelings towards him have gone and I even feel bad myself for some reason!

 

Why all of a sudden is he being nice again?

Do you think its because he knew I was angry with him?

And do I just leave it now and try and make things work with the old him again, or should I still bring up the way he had been treating me?

 

Im just sooo worried that If I bring it up he will get very mad and go back to treating me like crap. I want him to stay how he is now!!!

[lofi_tokyo]

And do I just leave it now and try and make things work with the old him again, or should I still bring up the way he had been treating me?

 

Im just sooo worried that If I bring it up he will get very mad and go back to treating me like crap. I want him to stay how he is now!!!

 

If hes being good now, be happy! Until he starts acting badly towards you, theres no reason to worry.

 

Just remember that a relationship evolves as it goes on. Stop living in the past and wanting the past him back, and think solely no the present.

[northstar1]

Hi!

 

Thankyou both so much for your fast replies!

I went to ring last night when we had arranged but he ended up having a party with flat mates and was drunk!

So I thought it was best to put it off and try again tonight!

 

Whats really not helping me is that now he is being so sweet to me and is finally paying me some attention like he used to!

Now that he has done this all my unhappy feelings towards him have gone and I even feel bad myself for some reason!

 

Why all of a sudden is he being nice again?

Do you think its because he knew I was angry with him?

And do I just leave it now and try and make things work with the old him again, or should I still bring up the way he had been treating me?

 

Im just sooo worried that If I bring it up he will get very mad and go back to treating me like crap. I want him to stay how he is now!!!

 

Well, does it bother you that you had arranged to talk last night and instead he got drunk with his mates? Maybe not a big deal....but it would perhaps bother me

[melissa123]

Ya I guess it did bother me a bit.

We re-arranged to talk today but I havent heard a thing from him, I did txt to see if we could still talk but no response

Im tired of getting angry with him!

I feel like an absolute monster so I just let it go.

 

Would others be frustrated in my situation or am I really flying off the handle over small things?

 

I think the thing that got me was him ignoring me for 3 days then getting grumpy and snapping at me when I asked what was wrong. Later that day I told him I broke my fingers, and got back 'he he'

 

Would this bother anyone else or am I really a monster?

I get tired of him snapping at me all the time when all I try and do is help!!

[Cabernet34]

Melissa, currently, I am in the process of ending my engagement.

 

So much of your post sounds exactly like my situation. My fiance began to go in her shell whenever we needed to work on our relationship.

 

It evolved to her ignorning me. There is nothing worse than being ignored. I would rather be told "F-you, I hate you" than be ignored.

 

It's good that when you bowed up a little, he realized that he was wrong, so that is good.

 

I think right now, you need to let him know that if you contact him, you should expect a response. Nobody deserves to be ignored. It's disrespectful.

 

Nip this now, and if it happens again, leave him. If he is doing something that causes you pain, and he doesn't even care, there isn't much else to do. JMHO

[melissa123]

Hi thanks for your reply

 

Unfortunatly things aren't much better and I just dont know what to do.

I contacted him via txt twice yesterday to see if we could talk.

Didn't hear back at all. Nothing

Again today it is almost night and I have heard nothing all day.

So again that two days of ignoring me!

 

Im going out of my mind here! I just dont know what to do!! How do I talk when he just ignores me!

And even if he couldn't talk what would it take for one simple txt back to say he was busy.

 

Im sick and tired of being ignored and treated this way! What do I do now?

I keep holding on in the hope the old him will return but I have as good as lost all hope now

 

What do I do? How do I make him understand that I cant take being treated like this anymore?

[norajane]

Now, you break up with him.

 

That is, if you can get his attention long enough to actually have a conversation with him. You arranged to speak with him, twice, and twice he's blown you off. Do you really want more of that?

 

And how ironic is it that the reason you can't even tell him how angry you are that he's ignoring you is because he's still ignoring you!

 

He's back to treating you like crap, and he'll keep doing it as long as you stay with him. Break up with him and show him that his sh*t stinks, just like everyone else's, and he is no more special than you are that he can disrespect and ignore you like you don't exist when you are trying to communicate with him.