ShoeGirl Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 I am at a loss of what to do, I am hoping someone here will have an idea of what I should do or what I can try. My best friend's family is basically my 2nd family. Her brother and his girlfriend had a baby in August, who is absolutely gorgeous, ever since they had the baby they have relied on my best friend and I for a lot, we are their only family in town and they haven't let anyone babysit except us. The mom was a heavy drinker and smoker up until February, she claimed that she didn't know she was pregnant (which is a little hard to believe and she has since made comments that make me think that she knew well before that) She didn't admit to any one that she was pregnant until April but we all knew based on how she was acting. My best friend is a social worker and I spent many years working on a pediatric floor in a hospital, so after the baby was born we both started watching to see if she was developing and reacting normally, which as far as either of us can tell she is doing great. In the last few weeks the mom has gone crazy, she had called me and said that her doctor put her on an antidepressant and wanted to know what I thought about it (as she always does with every medication either her or the dad has ever been prescribed) I told her it was a good idea and to make sure she took it every day. About a week later I asked how she was doing with it, she said she took it once and didn't like it so she didn't take it again. I tried to convince her that she needed to try it for more than one day to get used to it, so she tried it for 4 days still didn't like it and threw the rest away. She is telling everyone else that she is still taking it, even her doctor, I have tried to tell her to call the doctor and see if there is something else she can try but she won't. Since she stopped the antidepressants she has started drinking again, she will drink 4-5 drinks in the course of 2-3 hours all while breastfeeding the baby. She refuses to pump or switch the baby to formula. I was over there at dinner time on Saturday last week and she come home drunk, she had been gone for 5 hours or so, before she left she had only pumped one little bottle of milk so once she got home she had to feed the baby about an hour later. Every one that was there was offering to go buy formula but she refused and said she can feed her own baby.
Meaplus3 Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 I am at a loss of what to do, I am hoping someone here will have an idea of what I should do or what I can try. My best friend's family is basically my 2nd family. Her brother and his girlfriend had a baby in August, who is absolutely gorgeous, ever since they had the baby they have relied on my best friend and I for a lot, we are their only family in town and they haven't let anyone babysit except us. The mom was a heavy drinker and smoker up until February, she claimed that she didn't know she was pregnant (which is a little hard to believe and she has since made comments that make me think that she knew well before that) She didn't admit to any one that she was pregnant until April but we all knew based on how she was acting. My best friend is a social worker and I spent many years working on a pediatric floor in a hospital, so after the baby was born we both started watching to see if she was developing and reacting normally, which as far as either of us can tell she is doing great. In the last few weeks the mom has gone crazy, she had called me and said that her doctor put her on an antidepressant and wanted to know what I thought about it (as she always does with every medication either her or the dad has ever been prescribed) I told her it was a good idea and to make sure she took it every day. About a week later I asked how she was doing with it, she said she took it once and didn't like it so she didn't take it again. I tried to convince her that she needed to try it for more than one day to get used to it, so she tried it for 4 days still didn't like it and threw the rest away. She is telling everyone else that she is still taking it, even her doctor, I have tried to tell her to call the doctor and see if there is something else she can try but she won't. Since she stopped the antidepressants she has started drinking again, she will drink 4-5 drinks in the course of 2-3 hours all while breastfeeding the baby. She refuses to pump or switch the baby to formula. I was over there at dinner time on Saturday last week and she come home drunk, she had been gone for 5 hours or so, before she left she had only pumped one little bottle of milk so once she got home she had to feed the baby about an hour later. Every one that was there was offering to go buy formula but she refused and said she can feed her own baby. Gosh.. this really is not good. You do NOT drink and Nurse a baby. What you drink and eat while Nursing the baby eats and drinks. Your friend can cause this baby to become very sick.. IMO this is a form of child abuse. I don't think this baby should be in her care right now. Perhaps a call to child protective services might be a good idea? I'm sorry you have to go through this. AP:)
Mary3 Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 Gosh.. this really is not good. You do NOT drink and Nurse a baby. What you drink and eat while Nursing the baby eats and drinks. Your friend can cause this baby to become very sick.. IMO this is a form of child abuse. I don't think this baby should be in her care right now. Perhaps a call to child protective services might be a good idea? I'm sorry you have to go through this. AP:) I totally agree with you ! It seems like child abuse. Can you ask an outside source for help ?
Author ShoeGirl Posted November 4, 2008 Author Posted November 4, 2008 Gosh.. this really is not good. You do NOT drink and Nurse a baby. What you drink and eat while Nursing the baby eats and drinks. Your friend can cause this baby to become very sick.. IMO this is a form of child abuse. I don't think this baby should be in her care right now. Perhaps a call to child protective services might be a good idea? I'm sorry you have to go through this. AP:) I thought about that but I don't want to do that to her unless I absolutly have to, if she doesn't stop this soon or switch her to formula I might. I know the dad is trying to do what he can to get her to stop doing this, if I call CPS he might lose the baby too, he's not doing anything wrong.
Author ShoeGirl Posted November 4, 2008 Author Posted November 4, 2008 I totally agree with you ! It seems like child abuse. Can you ask an outside source for help ? Who should I ask for help? I can't come up with a good option. I have talked to my mom, she thinks I need to convince her to get back on the antidepressants but I don't know how to do that either.
Geishawhelk Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 If you know who her doctor is, you can approach him or her, and say she needs help, not punishment. she or he can't break patient confidentiality, but you can voice your concerns to the clinic. Then leave it to them. As carers, they may be able to step in and help. if she refuses, or tries to cover up, they'll be better equipped to sort the problem. And they may engage the dad's help and support too.
Storyrider Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 Child protective services will not necessarily jump to take the baby away, but might assign a home-health nurse to come and do consultations, or a social worker.
Author ShoeGirl Posted November 4, 2008 Author Posted November 4, 2008 If you know who her doctor is, you can approach him or her, and say she needs help, not punishment. she or he can't break patient confidentiality, but you can voice your concerns to the clinic. Then leave it to them. As carers, they may be able to step in and help. if she refuses, or tries to cover up, they'll be better equipped to sort the problem. And they may engage the dad's help and support too. That's a good thought. My roommate (best friend) came home and said that she had talked to her mom and she asked how the baby's mom was doing so she mentioned the drinking part to her, she is going to be in town Wednesday until Friday so she said she would try and talk to her. At the very least she will talk to the dad and voice her concern. If things haven't changed by next weekend (when I will see her again) I will consider talking to her doctor.
Author ShoeGirl Posted November 4, 2008 Author Posted November 4, 2008 Child protective services will not necessarily jump to take the baby away, but might assign a home-health nurse to come and do consultations, or a social worker. Good to know, I will keep that in mind. I have no experience with CPS so I don't know how their process works.
Storyrider Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 Good to know, I will keep that in mind. I have no experience with CPS so I don't know how their process works. I can ask my brother more about what they would do. You live in the states, right? My bro works for CPS.
Author ShoeGirl Posted November 4, 2008 Author Posted November 4, 2008 I can ask my brother more about what they would do. You live in the states, right? My bro works for CPS. Yeah I do, if you can find out more info that would be great. Alot of my hesitancy in calling them is not knowing what they will do, I don't want them to lose the baby but she needs help.
Kenyth Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 She's a problem drinker or alcoholic. She doesn't want the anti-depressants because she want's and need's to drink. Depression is an excuse for, and a symptom of the booze. Breastfeeding like she hasn't had any alcohol is part of the denial that there is a problem. There's no easy answer to this. It's going to take making her very upset to make it all stop. The first thing she needs is the slap in the face of some serious consequences for her behavior. Then, once you have her attention, the fixing can start.
2sure Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 Good or bad CPS will not take her child away. Sadly, there is so much abuse going on there arent enough places for them to put these kids. But contacting them will at least make them schedule a visit by a social worker. As a medical professional you know that the child's future mental health is at stake. What could have been a wonderful life is at risk. What concerns me is that the child's father has done nothing substantial to stop this abuse. This baby is alone, without one parent putting it first. The father is as much at fault as the mother. In fact, someone has got to DO something other than talk. Please insist. Its worth it.
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