Girlfriend of 19 months, leaves

[Asdaylightdies7]

Hello all, This is my first post here and I needed some help with coping with my Girlfriend leaving me after 19 months, I had no one to turn too so I figured I should try here.

 

I'll start from the very beginning.

 

We met when she was a Freshmen and I was a Sophomore in high school. She moved to my school and we met on the first day. We started talking and were pretty good friends for a while, We then started to date February 19th. When we started to date we hung out a lot, And that summer was great, we were both really happy. That summer, my Father passed away. And she was their the whole time supporting and comforting me, She was a fantastic listener, and that's what I needed, She has been through threw a lot in her life too. Me and her had a lot of going on in our lives, Normal teenagers did NOT need. Then she moved. She moved to another school my Junior year. About a half hour away, not very far. But when Neither of us can drive, its sort of hard. We saw each other once a week, but talked everyday. She hated her new school, and was excited to move back, She almost did multiple times but it never happen. It hurt me not being able to see her. I'm a person who holds back their emotions, but For her, I couldn't I needed someone to listen to me, and she did. The school year was hard without her always there, but we made it. We were a strong couple, young and in love. We had each other always. The summer before my Senior year (Last summer) Was better, we hung out more and had a great time. WE NEVER Fought, we had little issues every so often, but nothing big, We were perfect. Then School started, Things got bad. She started hanging out with new people, calling me less, and started hanging out with new guys, She dumped me on October 4th. We dated for 19 months. She dumped me at a dance. She then came over the next day and told me "I don't know who I am, I need space, I need time to be myself" And i told her i would always love her and wait for her. After a week or so, we got into a HUGE fight. We yelled at each other and she told me "I actually liked somebody new, I didn't love you anymore, It was a sexual attraction at the end" I was crushed, I became furious and said things I didn't mean. Recently, I told her i was sorry, and want to be civil with each other, not friends yet, but Civil, She apologized too and we've talked a few times since then. She has a new BF who makes her more happy then I ever made her in 19 months, apparently. Personally, I think its a rebound. She also wants me to date this one girl i know, REALLY bad. I think its because she feels bad about dating that one guy, and wants me to date someone so she feels better about it. Its almost been a month since we broke up, and i know I'm young but it hurts. I want someone there for me, I want someone to listen to me. I wanted to be loved like we loved each other.

 

How do i Cope with her leaving me? Should i keep talking to her every so often? Do i avoid her? Do i hope we will date again?

 

What do i do!?

[lofi_tokyo]

What do you do? You go NC (no contact)!

 

You are too young to worry about this, and the fastest way to move on is to go no contact.

 

There are a lot of men of all ages on this forum that have been left by their ex's for another man. It seems like girls are ****ty choosers, because overall, within a few weeks, they break up with the guy (as yours did). BUT! That does not mean she does not want to move on.

 

It sounds like what a lot of girls your ex's age (and even into their early 20's) go through: which is - they find a first love, things are incredible, they see their future with this man, everything is so set in stone... then one day they're just like "wow I am ___ years old, way too early to commit". I think thats what your ex is going through when she says she needs to find herself. Shes young, and as much as it hurts, both you AND her deserve to see the world before you grow old and grey.

 

As for this new guy being more amazing then the 19 months you were together? No, you will always be her first love. No one person can replace another. You did things for her that will always be unique to the relationship you shared.

 

BUT! That being said, its very possible that this new relationship offers NEW and wonderful qualities that she wants to experience.

 

So... If you love her, understand she needs to live her life, and move on. Go no contact until you are healed enough to confront her. Best of luck, we are all here for you!

[Asdaylightdies7]

What do you do? You go NC (no contact)!

 

You are too young to worry about this, and the fastest way to move on is to go no contact.

 

There are a lot of men of all ages on this forum that have been left by their ex's for another man. It seems like girls are ****ty choosers, because overall, within a few weeks, they break up with the guy (as yours did). BUT! That does not mean she does not want to move on.

 

It sounds like what a lot of girls your ex's age (and even into their early 20's) go through: which is - they find a first love, things are incredible, they see their future with this man, everything is so set in stone... then one day they're just like "wow I am ___ years old, way too early to commit". I think thats what your ex is going through when she says she needs to find herself. Shes young, and as much as it hurts, both you AND her deserve to see the world before you grow old and grey.

 

As for this new guy being more amazing then the 19 months you were together? No, you will always be her first love. No one person can replace another. You did things for her that will always be unique to the relationship you shared.

 

BUT! That being said, its very possible that this new relationship offers NEW and wonderful qualities that she wants to experience.

 

So... If you love her, understand she needs to live her life, and move on. Go no contact until you are healed enough to confront her. Best of luck, we are all here for you!

 

 

Thank you! I'm going to try the no Contact. Its will be hard, but i think that is what i need. Someone told me She'll eventually realize what she did was wrong, but really. She needs to a lot more "Growing up" before that happens. I'm going to try and have fun while i can. And what you said about everything being perfect, and then realize they're young and freak out. Was perfect, Thats exactly what i thought was happening.

[BackonTrack2]

Same thing happen to me in a different way.

Your GF is not define, she is learning about herself.

 

She saw what you had to offer and didn't want it, so she left you to be with another for whatever reasons, sexual, emotional, whatever.

 

You shouldn't be civil with her or be her friend, she threw you away.

 

At the end of the day, she has a WHOLE lot more ****ing to do before she realizes who she is. Right now she is not thinking about you, your the last thing on her mind.

 

Men will not always be there for her, and one day she will realize and when that day comes, it will be your choice if you want her back or not.

 

The best thing you can do for your own peace of mind is to go NC, forget about her, live your life and as you gain new experiences, interact with new friends, she will slowly start to disappear from memory.

 

She's already gone.... Nothing you can do. Don't be civil with her. As about hooking you up, she wants to not feel guilty and make sure you atleast have someone so she can feel good in her head that "she left on good terms" and it wasn't all bad and you don't hate her.

 

Don't give her that sastification, she pitties you. Your not in a good spot in her eyes, change the dymanic, act like Rambo, go NC.

 

As far as finding herself, thats horse ****, she wants to **** other people, and in doing so, the men will take her places she hasn't yet seen, she is learning from them to make herself a better person, she has nothing to give them except her pussy hence the term 'Finding Herself"

 

Finding Herself, would be like "Hey, I am going to join the peace corps" but she didn't tell you that, she told you "Hey, I want to go **** another guy"

 

She's gone, she's on a new page in life, your the past, now that u know your situtation, you have to do something about it, be Rambo, Go NC.

 

As far as coping goes, well it depends on how strong your addiction is to her. From the tone of this post, it doesn't sound like your addicted at all, it sounds like your more confused than anything else as to how to handle future encounters with her.

 

The best thing to do is

a) go NC

b) if you see her in the hallways, just wave and say hello, pretend to be happy

c) you have to get the blood flowing in your system again, start playing a sport, football, basketball, tennis, whatever, something to get the blood flowing, running.

 

The above 3 things will only handle the personal stuff (you) but she left another void as well, it involved human interaction or social interaction (she was your friend)

 

So you have to hang out with other girls, hang out with guys your cool with, as about the friend she wants to hook you up with, this is bad, she feels she knows you, your goal is to servery all ties, not have her find you a GF so she can feel better about herself + that wouldn't be wise because you need time to heal before you start a new relationship anyway. Do the above steps a-c for about one month, then re-join the social scene.

 

On a personal note:

My ex went exploring, she got more than she bargain for, I stuck around, through all of it, never knew what was the matter with her, all the while she was just messing up my head and draining me emotionally, in the end i was so weak, she walked all over me as your ex is beginning to do to you now.

 

Don't stick around for that, its not a good thing.

You will only hurt yourself MORE if you stay in contact.

Its only going to get worse from this point out, cut the ties now. Regroup, come back to the situation in a few months.

[WiseOne1]

BackOnTrack2 is right, hes blunt but 100% right.

 

She wants to see whats new out there, please don't make the mistake that every single guy on LS made, every guy that ever came to LS did the friend thing, and its the worse thing you can do.

 

Don't answer her calls, your gonna be shocked to begin with because your gonna think shes calling you to get back together but shes not, theres gonna be time that shes gonna come back to check up on you, don't give her that comfort, tell her to worry about her new bf.

 

Don't date anyone she wants to hook you up with, have some pride man, you don't need her pity or her sympathy, you can get a new GF on your own. By getting with someone she suggest shes still in your life and still knows your business.

 

Lie if you must, say you got a different gf, she'll be pissed but hey. From personal experience and from years on LS I can say some ex's do come back, but its after all the guys has gotten what they want and then they send the trash back to you.

[Asdaylightdies7]

Thank you guys, Its brutal honesty, but that's what I need. I tried to tell her she's not going to find a guy in that new school of hers (It has a BAD rep) that won't use her for one thing. But, of course. She won't listen. Its been one month, and their hasn't been much contact at all. Until Last night she told me she still loves me, and her BF accepts that. Thats a bad sign, right?

[lofi_tokyo]

Sounds to me like shes on a rebound. Shes probably gonna use the guy until shes okay being single, then ditch him. Doesn't mean shes coming back, but if its any comfort, it doesn't mean hes gonna get to hold onto her forever either.

[Asdaylightdies7]

Sounds to me like shes on a rebound. Shes probably gonna use the guy until shes okay being single, then ditch him. Doesn't mean shes coming back, but if its any comfort, it doesn't mean hes gonna get to hold onto her forever either.

 

 

I figured it WAS a rebound. She jumped too fast. Way too fast. She told me she wants to hang out and play Guitar Hero with me. And I'm not sure. I messed up my wrist pretty bad, so it won't be for a few weeks. But, Since I'm on NC, I'm not exactly sure if its such a good idea.

[Asdaylightdies7]

LITTLE UPDATE

 

I'm going to go to a counselor next week sometime. My friends and Family say I need it, I'm a brick wall and no one can talk to me about anything. I'm hoping this will help.

 

Also, I have started NO CONTACT. I wish I would have done this when we broke up, instead we spoke randomly, Is it too late to start NO CONTACT or is it still perfectly fine!?

[WiseOne1]

Most likely she is on the rebound, I've seen it in the past with relationships on Ls and from personal experience also.

Doesn't mean shes gonna stop there though, one of my ex's jumped from rebound to rebound, every time a new bf didn't treat her right she just kept going.

 

One thing about rebounds is that exes seem to try very hard to make it work, its not known rather its for jealousy, loneliness, or is it there way of getting over the past relationship.

 

So don't be shocked if you notice her letting him get away with things that no one else would ever get away with. Its never to late to start NC, ex's don't like NC and they try to make it seem as all your doing is pushing them away, "well thats what my ex told me" lol but I knew that she just wanted her cake and eat it too.

 

Plzzzz don't tell your ex about the counseling thing, then NC wouldn't do you any good, shes like I really have him don't i? Plus it'll give her a huge ego boost and make her feel like shes on cloud 9.

[Asdaylightdies7]

Most likely she is on the rebound, I've seen it in the past with relationships on Ls and from personal experience also.

Doesn't mean shes gonna stop there though, one of my ex's jumped from rebound to rebound, every time a new bf didn't treat her right she just kept going.

 

One thing about rebounds is that exes seem to try very hard to make it work, its not known rather its for jealousy, loneliness, or is it there way of getting over the past relationship.

 

So don't be shocked if you notice her letting him get away with things that no one else would ever get away with. Its never to late to start NC, ex's don't like NC and they try to make it seem as all your doing is pushing them away, "well thats what my ex told me" lol but I knew that she just wanted her cake and eat it too.

 

Plzzzz don't tell your ex about the counseling thing, then NC wouldn't do you any good, shes like I really have him don't i? Plus it'll give her a huge ego boost and make her feel like shes on cloud 9.

 

 

She doesn't know about it, As far as i know. Word travels fast though. But, I'm not going to sit and wait for her rebound after rebound. She needs to realize what she wants. I can't wait forever. Should i delete her off my myspace as well? I mean, myspace isn't a big deal, but when i delete her she might flip out, should i just say "I had too, NO CONTACT" err, whatever?