ahhhchooo Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 I'm a 24 year old male who pretty much always had a group of friends I considered great and always had mutual interests. From the time I left school I had the same best friend for 8 years, who wasn't ever that accepting of my other friends, but I spent time with him regardless and always made him a priority. I had the same group of friends from 18-20, but changed to a different group of friends after that group had a change of "scene" and I wasn't comfortable with their habits (taking drugs and staying out until 7am partying). I made friends with a different group and had strong bonds with them up until earlier this year. That group have all moved countries and are busy experiencing life overseas for the time being. I barely noticed them leave since I had my girlfriend to fall back on and we were very in love. Late July this girl betrayed me and now I'm left with nothing - no friends, no girlfriend. The few friends I do have consist of a girl at work, whom I never 'hang out' with outside of work. There is another girl whom I spend time with outside of work, but I am really just not that into the friendship. We are too different and I find myself terribly bored in her company. I am 4 and a half years older than her and we have no real similar interests. The other friend I have is a male who came back from overseas. There is just no spark in friendship between us and I feel like we're just forcing ourselves into each other's company to relieve boredom. Not to mention that he is the type that indulges in the "staying out til 7am" behaviour I am uncomfortable with. The "best friend of 8 years" I wrote of got a girlfriend about 4 months ago and has made her his entire life. They do not leave the bedroom unless it is to go to his parents or her parents house. His only 'friends' are her friends, and he completely ignores me - even during the absolutely crippling time of my break up when I was desperate for someone to help me out. I don't deserve that kind of treatment from a 'friend' and am not going to waste my emotional energy trying to reach out to him anymore. What I really, really want is some male companionship. The last thing I need to do is to throw myself into some meaningless relationship with a girl. I need male friends. I just don't know how to meet them. I don't know why I find it easier to meet females than males.. I suppose it's just more natural to approach females and have interest in what they have to say. It just seems foreign asking a guy if they want to hang out on the weekend. I don't know. What can I do to meet more male friends? To find a new group of friends? I am growing very tired of being in the constant company of females.
UnamedSeven Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 What you can do, is try and take up something that means a lot to you. Whether its a hobby or a sporting activity that you can do to get you new friends and help 'relieve' the boredom by also having something to look forward to (The hobby or sport). It probably doesn't help, because i always thought it didn't, until i met up with people on the Golf Course in my town who enjoy Golf as much as i do. Make sure that you don't forget the people that are on this website also, bro
You'reasian Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 What are your interests? If you like to watch sports, there are plenty of male friends you can hang out with. If you do them, you can make friends that way too. Where are you in life? Are you in a transitioning position - if so, it will be hard on you to focus on friend-making. That being said, keep doing what you're doing, let your focus move forward and you will make those friends. Best of luck and be patient.
4givrnt4gtr Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 hmm totally feel you there friend. I just realized people at our age (mid 20s) start moving around, countries, towns, priorities, etc. I, like you had a close group i sort of "abandoned" while in a relationship. NOw that that relationship is over I realized that most everyone has moved on one way or another and bassically we're all left to our own devices. It sucks, but its a fact of life...so dont feel like it only happens to you. I agree that you should find an activity, like a sport where you can meet buddies...how about basketball? do you play? i think if i was a guy and could play id totally be out there in a court...or how about some sort of team sport like baseball? I was starting to feel like you, until i talked to other people that were on the same boat...so knowing that, i make an effort to talk to whomever i feel is interesting. You'd be surprised to see how many people welcome the comfort of human interaction...its rare these days, especially after certain age...
mysocalledlife Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 What I really, really want is some male companionship. The last thing I need to do is to throw myself into some meaningless relationship with a girl. I need male friends. I just don't know how to meet them. I don't know why I find it easier to meet females than males.. I suppose it's just more natural to approach females and have interest in what they have to say. It just seems foreign asking a guy if they want to hang out on the weekend. I don't know. I have been going through something similar for a while now and can really relate, especially to the quoted portion above. Unfortunately, IME there is no simple answer, and it IS difficult. The advice to get involved in things you enjoy is a good one, but even then, don't expect things to change overnight. Think about it - it takes time to develop a friendship, so it may take a while to get where you want to be. But if you throw yourself into activities you enjoy, you will have some fun in the meantime. Also, you may want to try joining a social club or two - try meetup dot com or meetin dot org.
alwayssme Posted December 18, 2008 Posted December 18, 2008 are you in school?? if so, that's a good way to meet new people...
justdoe Posted December 19, 2008 Posted December 19, 2008 I have felt this way before. I am actually going through something similar. Wanting male companionship is great. Honestly though. Not all females are the same, and not all males are the same. If you find friendship in a person who can listen, have fun, chat with you for hours, etc. Does it matter what gender? Please think about that
lazlow99 Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 Don't get down and feel like you're the only one going through this. I'm 20 and going through the same thing. I moved to a different city to study, and I thought the people I met during my first year in the dorms, and the 4 guys I moved in with would be my best friends for the next three years. Well its got to the second year and that hasn't happened at all. All my housemates have girlfriends now except me, so they've become their priorities and they don't ever want to go out and do stuff, so meeting new people is difficult. I don't really ever see the people from the dorms except the ones on my course, and my classmates tend to do the lesson and go home so you can't really socialise with them. I got a job, and although they socialise outside of work they weren't really my kind of people, and most of them were older and some engaged so it wasn't really possible to just hang around with them. My friends from school I've pretty much lost contact with except a couple of guys, and they've moved away to different Universities etc And I know when I finish University I'm going to have to move again, so meeting new people in a new city will be even more challenging! It is difficult to make new friends in this kind of situation. Don't blame yourself, I guess its just part of growing up. You can't choose the hand you're dealt. I'm going to look for a new job next year while I study, hopefully a social one, and I'm working at a summer camp over seas in the summer so that will be non stop socialising. If I were you I'd think about joining some clubs to meet new people.
kizik Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 I'm in this boat as well, though it was worse a few months ago. I started at a new school and knew NO ONE. Then, I met a dude on the elevator. We hung out. Then we hung out again. Then I met a guy in class. We hung out, then again, and then it got to the point where we felt totally chill calling one another to see what was up. In the last 3 months, I've made about 3 friends. I was outgoing and proactive. I TOTALLY feel you about preferring to hang out with guys - there is less pressure, and honestly, it's just more fun. On the whole, guys are funnier and don't really b*tch about sh*t. The key is to make the first move. If I had never invited Chris, Dan or Juan out for a beer - we never would have been friends. I am SO glad that I did, though. I thought I was going to be "friendless" forever, but all it takes it repeated hanging-outs with people, then BAM! you feel comfortable around them, they can call you, you call them, it's great! Hang in there, you sound like a really cool guy. Just start asking people out for drinks, join a pickup football or soccer game. Start TALKING more and be FRIENDLY and you'll get exactly what you're looking for, dude.
hotdancer2009 Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 Totally feeling y'all. Broke up with my boyfriend recently. Have no friends. Got laid off six times and moved seven times including four states within the last three years. Going back to school. Lonely as heck. And then of course, not having money to spend is an added complication.
Intergalactic Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 hey dude, i remember you! if i was still in auckland i'd totally hang out with you.................... although i am a girl anyway, when my ex dumped me, i moped for a while and then literally THREW myself out there to meet people. i took up as many things as i could - hobbies, volunteering, you name it. and i used the internet too. gumtree.conz really helped as well, i met some awesome people on there and it was so nice to meet up and be friends... and who cares if it's the internet?! clearly the cyber world is not full of freaks! i know it can feel terribly lonely while you have no friends and the ones you did have are either gone or just don't care anymore (and that is the trouble when your romantic relationship takes over your life), but if you put yourself out there (and it might mean a bit of fakin' it til ya make it), things will change. good luck!
electric_sheep Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 Well, you're certainly not alone, let me tell ya. And I too find it easier to make friends with women. I have no idea why it's so hard to make genuine male friends. Part of it is our own fault... we tend to value independence and aloofness. Women are more able to open up to each other. So, it's that damned societal gender role thing again. Holding back both the sexes. I'm busy brainstorming for ideas right now... I'll let you know if I come up with anything. In the meantime, try and engage in what Albert Ellis calls VACI (vital absorbing and creative interests). Who knows, maybe one of these VACI may even lead to friendship.
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