geekinthepink Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 So that guy I had been seeing for 2.5 months that dropped off the face of the earth after the "is this headed towards bf/gf level or are we just doing this for convenience" conversation is back. I just bought a condo and was really excited and sent a mass text to everyone in my phone book, which included him. He immediately sent a text back saying congratulations when do I get to see the place. I said when hell freezes over. THen he wrote back so when :-P At the time I was out at a work function and a little tipsy so I wrote back that I couldn't talk to him cause I was out. WHich led to him asking if I had been drinking and then him making the comment that I was the most adorable light weight that he had ever met (I am 3 sheets to the wind after 1 glass of wine). I left it alone and didn;t say anything back. Well the following week he sent me a text while I was at work asking me how I was. I am sure its because I do still have feelings for him that I wrote back, but I like to think it is because I don't want to ignore anyone since its rude. We got to chit chatting and he asked to see my place again. I said if he was free that night he could stop by. He said he was out at a friends 21st b-day but would be over as soon as he could leave. I said ok, but this was strictly a tour of the place, not a booty call. He said that sounded great and "I can't wait to see you beautiful". At 11 I get a call, he was asking for directions. He said he would call me when he got out front so I could let him in. Well after 2 hours I gave up waiting and went to bed. I get a call the next morning, he was far drunker than he let on and woke up on the side of the road that morning. I was angry that he had driven drunk and told him as much, and then said I had stuff to do and got off the phone. That night I was out with friends and he spent the whole time texting me. It started off friendly, but then became flirty as the night wore on. The next morning he sent me a text asking if I had slept well blah blah blah and we spent the day texting back and forth. We made plans to see one another, but the world series was on so he had to cancel. I got tickets to game 5 and while I was there he was texting me, just friendly teasing about how lucky I was even though I don't like baseball, and asking me if I knew the riles etc. Well as each night wore on he asked me how the roads were and how traffic was. I told him, it was a zoo. He would end the convo with "Please be careful and let me know when you get home". Sure this is something that good friends would say to one another but he isn't that way. He is very "macho tough guy" and only nice when being sarchastic. Anyway, again this weekend we both had plans, but I did ask him to call me so I could explain something I had asked him to do (trying to get my friend a job where he works) he called me and spent most of the conversation asking me what I thought about something going on involving him at work that had him very concerned. Again odd behavior for him to open up, especially when the situation made him look "dumb". I guess what my questions are; am I being an idiot by starting things up with this guy again? I feel like nothing has changed since he hasn't even addressed that he flat out ignored me for over a month. I want to shake him till he answers me, but my guy friends have said to leave it alone. If he wants to talk about it he will, if I bring it up he may take it as me trying to corner him into a "what are we" conversation. They also say that if things do head down that road of relationship again then I should bring it up but not in an accusing manner to let him know that he has to be an adult and owe up to things. My other question, do you think he is trying to get a relationship started again? I mean maybe he is just trying to be friends with me only, but to me, the whole "beautiful" comment and the fact he almost killed himself trying to see me and checking up on me to make sure I got home ok are "relationship" type behaviors. But then again, why haven't we made solid plans to see each other yet?
Kamille Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 Yikes ... I'm sorry but this guy sounds like a complete waste of your time. My other question, do you think he is trying to get a relationship started again? I mean maybe he is just trying to be friends with me only, but to me, the whole "beautiful" comment and the fact he almost killed himself trying to see me and checking up on me to make sure I got home ok are "relationship" type behaviors. But then again, why haven't we made solid plans to see each other yet? I think this guy likes you, which isn't the same as saying he wants a relationship with you. Digging someone and wanting them to be your gf/bf are two different things. I don't think he is trying to get a relationship started again, since it doesn't sound like you guys ever had a relationship, and he doesn't sound like relationship material. The drunk-driving incident: if he had really wanted to see you, he wouldn't have gotten so sloshed that he couldn't get to your place. The point is: he didn't get to your place. Plus, the very fact he finds it ok to drunk drive would have me consider him disqualified as potential relationship material. I could keep analyzing what you told us. I mean, the point is, you want a relationship so please don't bother with someone who will most likely keep you in limbo land for as long as you're willing to put up with it. Also, don't bother with someone who cancels plans and doesn't follow up on his word. Focus on how you want to be treated in a relationship and you will find it easier to avoid dead-end crushes. If this guy wants to be with you, he needs to do better then this.
Trialbyfire Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 He's either friendzone material or a potential FWB. If you can't keep your distance and want more, he's not the guy for the job. WALK!
Author geekinthepink Posted November 3, 2008 Author Posted November 3, 2008 Yikes ... I'm sorry but this guy sounds like a complete waste of your time. I think this guy likes you, which isn't the same as saying he wants a relationship with you. Digging someone and wanting them to be your gf/bf are two different things. I don't think he is trying to get a relationship started again, since it doesn't sound like you guys ever had a relationship, and he doesn't sound like relationship material. The drunk-driving incident: if he had really wanted to see you, he wouldn't have gotten so sloshed that he couldn't get to your place. The point is: he didn't get to your place. Plus, the very fact he finds it ok to drunk drive would have me consider him disqualified as potential relationship material. I could keep analyzing what you told us. I mean, the point is, you want a relationship so please don't bother with someone who will most likely keep you in limbo land for as long as you're willing to put up with it. Also, don't bother with someone who cancels plans and doesn't follow up on his word. Focus on how you want to be treated in a relationship and you will find it easier to avoid dead-end crushes. If this guy wants to be with you, he needs to do better then this. I have to say, sadly I do agree with you 100%. It has become a case of my heart wanting to see the good in the situation but my head telling me how he isn't relationship material, but being female and ruled by emotion, the heart tends to drown the head out in these situations. My friends, maybe they dont want to hurt my feelings, or maybe they are more naive than I give them credit for, tend to tell me oh he likes you don't worry about it, he will come around. I come to the boards mostly looking for either justification of what my friends have said, or in this case, a dose of reality to tell the heart that the head isn't wrong. I guess what really confuses me about him, is that when we are alone, we have the greatest time. We could talk for hours and just be together doing nothing and be completely happy. We share most of the same interests with the exception of our social lives. He goes out partying with his friends every friday night and I am content to a night of board games, plus I have the tolerance of an infant. 1 drink and I am beyond drunk. While all of this is probably things that friends or FWB have, when he does open up, or when we talk about situations with my friends or his, he gives really good relationship advice. (Shocking coming from this guy right?) We tend to even agree on what something means or what the person should have done etc. SO I guess that confuses me more because why would it be so hard for two people who obviously "like" one another, and agree on numerous relationship topics? I guess when its right it isn't hard like this?
Author geekinthepink Posted November 3, 2008 Author Posted November 3, 2008 He's either friendzone material or a potential FWB. If you can't keep your distance and want more, he's not the guy for the job. WALK! Yeah, unfortunately i think that you are right
manugeorge Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 Don't let him back in because trust me, he is going to play you again. It never fails. Someone who ignored you after you asked about the relationship status should come grovelling back not casually flirting their way back into your life like nothing happened. This sounds like a guy who's just looking for a play thing who fits into his schedule. He's all up in you right now because he's perhaps having a bit of a dry spell and you're convenient. Have more respect for yourself even if he doesn't respect you. Like someone else mentioned before, it's not like he doesn't like you. He does and I'm sure, enjoys your company a lot but that is not the same thing as wanting a one-on-one relationship with you.
Author geekinthepink Posted November 3, 2008 Author Posted November 3, 2008 Don't let him back in because trust me, he is going to play you again. It never fails. Someone who ignored you after you asked about the relationship status should come grovelling back not casually flirting their way back into your life like nothing happened. This sounds like a guy who's just looking for a play thing who fits into his schedule. He's all up in you right now because he's perhaps having a bit of a dry spell and you're convenient. Have more respect for yourself even if he doesn't respect you. Like someone else mentioned before, it's not like he doesn't like you. He does and I'm sure, enjoys your company a lot but that is not the same thing as wanting a one-on-one relationship with you. I know, everyone is right. I guess when you like someone you just wish that they felt the same about you and want the same things. Oh well, I guess time to spend more time seeing other people :-/
Dark-N-Romantic Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 There is nothing wrong with trying again to see where things could go. But, this time keep your eyes open and realize that he may or may not have changed. I know of at least three friends who married a distasterous ex and they have been married 3, 8, and 10 years now. There are NO certainties with life or people and sometimes second chances do work out. DNR Second chances should always come with open eyes and clearly drawn lines.
Author geekinthepink Posted November 4, 2008 Author Posted November 4, 2008 There is nothing wrong with trying again to see where things could go. But, this time keep your eyes open and realize that he may or may not have changed. I know of at least three friends who married a distasterous ex and they have been married 3, 8, and 10 years now. There are NO certainties with life or people and sometimes second chances do work out. DNR Second chances should always come with open eyes and clearly drawn lines. Thanks for the devils advocate side. I honestly just don't know if he has changed. His actions are still so does he/doesn't he, but I want to believe that he is making an effort. Kind of testing the waters to see if I'm going to let him back in again. I can be rather guarded and so can he and our main problem with this relationship and probably all of our others is that we don't communicate well. We can talk all day about friends relationships, those we see on tv, but when it came to our own, it got all icky and misconstrued and turned into a fight. I was thinking of sending him an email, a very light one that just said I am ok with being friends, but I would prefer to try the relationship thing again, but it has to be either or, I can't do this in between thing. Would that be fair or does that seem like I am issuing an ultimatum?
Kamille Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 I was thinking of sending him an email, a very light one that just said I am ok with being friends, but I would prefer to try the relationship thing again, but it has to be either or, I can't do this in between thing. Would that be fair or does that seem like I am issuing an ultimatum? It would seem like you are issuing an ultimatum. The fact is, there is nothing he can do to make you feel better... He's not going to change magically overnight because of a talk. What you are seeing now is what you would be getting long term. It doesn't sound like it's what you want GIP, so set yourself free. It isn't up to him to make you feel better, it is up to you. If what he is offering isn't what you want, if you're not comfortable with the status quo, then you'll need to have the strenght to pull away and invest in other options. You are responsible for your well-being. I wish we had a crush reset button.
Author geekinthepink Posted November 4, 2008 Author Posted November 4, 2008 It would seem like you are issuing an ultimatum. The fact is, there is nothing he can do to make you feel better... He's not going to change magically overnight because of a talk. What you are seeing now is what you would be getting long term. It doesn't sound like it's what you want GIP, so set yourself free. It isn't up to him to make you feel better, it is up to you. If what he is offering isn't what you want, if you're not comfortable with the status quo, then you'll need to have the strenght to pull away and invest in other options. You are responsible for your well-being. I wish we had a crush reset button. Yes, I would like a reset button as well I'll just go on doing what I do, and keep going out with other guys and if this guy decides to get his act together, then great, if not, well the writing is kind of on the wall.
soconfused01 Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 if he liked you so much, he wouldn't have dropped off the face of the earth in the first place this ain't baseball, don't give him three stikes, he's outta here!
Author geekinthepink Posted November 4, 2008 Author Posted November 4, 2008 if he liked you so much, he wouldn't have dropped off the face of the earth in the first place this ain't baseball, don't give him three stikes, he's outta here! Not to say you are wrong, because my brain knows that if he did really like me that much he never would have bailed, but why would all of those relationship books and Dr. Phil-esque shows say that sometimes when men get scared of committment, or scared about how they feel they run and then come back as if nothing is wrong once they have sorted everything out. Sure it may be to sell more books and pull in more viewers, but I have known for this to actually happen through friends relationships and with guy friends.
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