sibernox Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 I'll try to make a long story short. There's this girl I really really like (we'll call her May), we've seen each other a couple of times and I've always made her laugh. A couple of months ago after I broke up with my ex, May commented on my Myspace. And then last week, she sent me a message asking me what I was doing for halloween andif there were lots of decorated houses around where I live, cause she was scared she wouldn't be able to fill all her bags up. I told her that I didn't have any major plans, and didn't elaborate much after that apart from asking her what her plans were. She just said she was going to a "weird" party. I told her to have fun and made fun of her for going to a "weird" party. And then sent her another message telling her I looked up the party she was giong to and that it was near my house, she told me to text her if I'm in the area so she could steal some of my candy. But she forgot, I guess, to give me her number so I sent another message saying "Yeah, I'll text you with the imaginary number you gave me" and she sent another text saying "Oh no, that number's not good anymore, lol, here's my real one ...." Anyways, that was yesterday. I don't have a cellphone. Haha, but that's not the real issue. I'm not sure if she only wanted to do something for halloween, but the whole process of messaging each other on Myspace and finding out her number took too long and obviously halloween is over. So now I don't know if she still wants me to text her. And since I don't have a cell, should I just call her? And if yeah, what should I tell her? I'm sorry this is long, but any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
D-Jam Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 Um...dude...she gave you her number. She obviously thinks it's ok to call her. Call her...ask her how the party was...make chat...feel her out. If things seem good, ask her out. You're thinking too much and being the one who makes it way too hard on yourself.
BikerBeagle Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 She probably thinks you poofed on her for halloween, but couldn't hurt to call her, apologize for not getting back with on halloween, be casual, have an event in mind (party, concert, whatever) and see if she wants to go.
Cub Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 Well, she wouldn't bother to give you her real number if she wasn't interested in talking to you, so yeah, you can call her. And when you do, just tell her you couldn't make it; no reason to go into an elaborate explanation unless she requests it. I'd wait a couple more days before calling her though, and when you do call her, just keep it casual... You know, a bit of light conversation and, if you're up to it, ask her out for a light lunch (nothing too date-ish though). Easy stuff until you can feel her out.
Author sibernox Posted November 4, 2008 Author Posted November 4, 2008 Thanks for the replies. Appreciate it. You guys think a comedy show is too date-ish? And she gave me her number yesterday, is it too early if I call her tomorrow? And what if she says no to the comedy show, should I just be like "Oh, well allright. I'll talk to you soon then." and hang up? Thanks again.
Cub Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 I would wait at least five days myself, but you can call her whenever you want. It's the content of the conversation that's important... keep it short, sweet and to the point. And I think a comedy show would be alright - just take it easy while you're there, and treat her like you would a friend (without the callous teasing and arm punching ). And you've got it right; if she rejects it and offers no alternative, just go on about your business. But if she reschedules, take it in strides - listen to the day she offers and tell her you may be busy, even if you aren't. You can call her the next day to confirm. I know most people on the site don't like games, but the first couple of dates are a game. Just the way it is.
Author sibernox Posted November 4, 2008 Author Posted November 4, 2008 Thanks for the reply. If she says yes, do you think I should buy her drink at the show? Or what should I do about that? Would it better to just ask for her email and talk to her on MSN or something? Should I offer to pick her up if she says yes to go out? Drop her off? Go for supper after or something? Sorry for all the questions, but I really don't wana screw this up. Thanks.
PrincessPeach Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 If she says yes, do you think I should buy her drink at the show? No. Let her buy her own drink. Buying her a drink isn't going to make her like you more or turn her into liking you if she doesn't. If she already likes you, you not buying her a drink isn't going to change her mind. You might even playfully suggest that she buy you a drink. Would it better to just ask for her email and talk to her on MSN or something? Arrange your date by phone. It displays way more confidence and will have a better chance of success. She gave you her number so don't avoid calling her. After you get together once you can ask for her MSN and start talking to her casually online. I'd still recommend arranging dates by phone even at that point though. Should I offer to pick her up if she says yes to go out? Offer to meet her there and then offer to give her directions or an address. You can meet there. If it doesn't go well the ride home won't be awkward, but if it does go well then it will give you both something to look forward to as you ended on a high note. Go for supper after or something? If it went well, suggest something afterward. Don't ask if she wants to. Say that you're hungry and you'd like to grab something to eat and you know a place nearby (preferably walking distance). Or maybe you just want some time to chat, say something along the lines of lets walk around (and then list some point of interest worth walking around or two in the area). Sorry for all the questions, but I really don't wana screw this up. Thanks. Just relax and don't worry about it too much. Just have a fun time yourself and she'll have fun too
Author sibernox Posted November 5, 2008 Author Posted November 5, 2008 Allright, thanks a lot for the replies. This is what I'm gona do, give her a call tomorrow afternoon: "Hey May, how are you? What? You don't recognize my voice?! (first time I'll call her). I am insulted! It's me, Rob! tsk tsk tsk. Anyways, how was your halloween? have fun at the party? Anyways, listen, there's this comedy show I'm going to tomorrow night, and you should come with!" If the answer is yes: "Ok cool, it's downtown. So meet me at the trainstation and I'll pick you up in my awesome car from there. See you tomorrow!" If the answer is no: "Damn, someone's gona miss out....and it's not me! Haha, allright have fun. I'll talk to you soon." Good? Thanks again. One last question, should I kiss her if I think everything goes well? Is it bad to kiss on the 1st date?
Author sibernox Posted November 5, 2008 Author Posted November 5, 2008 I'm sorry to be posting again, but it won't let me edit the above post for some reason. I just wanted to ask something, and please if you have any advice I could really use it: What if she only gave me her number to hang out as friends, and she's weirded out by me asking her out to the show? What if she gave me the number only to hang out on that halloween night? What If I call her and ask her and she's like "Oh Rob, I'm not sure what you thought, but I only gave you my number for future reference, in case you needed to reach me or something". At that point, what do I say? Thanks.
PrincessPeach Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 Don't worry about her saying that she gave you her number in case you needed to reach her or some similar lame story. She gave you her number (and technically you didn't even ask for it, you just suggested it through a witty remark). Friends can go hang out together, I don't know of any rule against that! Plus the way you have you make it sound like you are going to go to the comedy show anyway and that she should tag along, which is good. You are planning on having fun with or without her from her point of view so if she doesn't go she will be missing out. Picking her up at the train station seems kind of odd... I don't know if I'd want to be waiting at the train station by myself to be picked up by someone. Train station just doesn't sound friendly to me. Could you two meet at a coffee or smoothie shop near to the show beforehand? It's a more friendly meeting place, and the person who gets there first can at least do something when they get there. If not then pick her up at her place or have her meet you at yours and leave together, whichever you're more comfortable with. I think it is important when arranging to meet that the person who arrives somewhere first won't have to wait long or feel weird by having to wait by themselves.
Author sibernox Posted November 5, 2008 Author Posted November 5, 2008 Yeah, I just hope she doesn't think I'm going with a bunch of friends and invites her friends too or anything like that. That'd just be awkward. And you're right, I didn't think of that. I'll tell her to either meet me at a coffee shop or at my place, although I guess she'll be more comfortable at the coffee shop. One last thing, how do I know if she wants me to kiss her? I don't wana go in for the kiss and then have her turn away. Thanks so much for your answers.
PrincessPeach Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 Don't worry about whether or not she wants you to kiss her... you probably won't be able to tell for sure anyway. If you want to kiss her, go for it and be confident in doing so. If she senses hesitation or that you aren't really sure you want to kiss her, she'll turn her cheek. If you move forward in a confident manner, and she likes you even a little, she will be into it. I like a man who just goes in for it sure of himself without saying anything about it beforehand. A kiss is more enjoyable if there is also emotional development/attachment behind the two people kissing. When you do want to or go for a kiss, don't hesitate. If you give yourself too much time to think about it, then it will build up too much in you mind. You'll be rationalizing that you are waiting for a good opportunity to go in. That opportunity isn't going to happen. You're just going to have to suck up and do it. So as soon as the thought goes into you head, don't give yourself too long to think about it. It isn't about logic, it's about emotion! One kiss or attempt should do it (unless she initiates further kissing ). You don't want to be overbearing and it could be good to leave her wanting a little more for next time
Author sibernox Posted November 5, 2008 Author Posted November 5, 2008 Thanks P. Peach. I just called her. I acted cool and calm, asked her about how the party went, I also said "how come you dont recognize my voice!" and she was like "oh we speak so much that i somehow forgot!" and i was like "yeah since last time we takled, i wanted some space so i havent called you for a while!" and then iw as likE "Im going to a comedy show tomorrow and you should come with" she thought about it for a couple of seconds...and then said she'd call me back tonight, I told her I dont have a cell and Illbe out of my house tonight, and im a hard man to reach. She said she'd send me a myspace message. I don't know, I don't think she'll say yeah. But oh well, I tried. I guess that's what matters.
Author sibernox Posted November 6, 2008 Author Posted November 6, 2008 SHE ANSWERED! She said "It should be fine for tomorrow, what is this comedy show about anyway? is it funny? anyways call me tomorrow when you get home" I had a question I really wanted someone to help me with please: Let's say after the show we go grab a bite to eat or whatever, and then it's time to go home. How do I say bye? Like, do I give her my home number and tell her to call me when she can? Or should I just go "Ok well, I had fun. Thanks?"....Like I dont want the goodbye part to be awkward. If anyone has any advice, I'd greatly appreciate it. Thanks.
PrincessPeach Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 I'm happy for you At the end of the night tell her that you had a good time (assuming you had a good time). Don't ask her to call you. A lot of us girls are more nervous than you guys are when it comes to calling and we tend not to call. Tell her that you will call her, but don't specify when. if she asks when, be vague, say "In a few days" or something like that. That way you won't feel pressured to call her at a certain time and can call her when you feel like it. Also you can't break her expectations by not calling when you say you would have called. When the night's over it should be un-awkward enough to walk her to her car, door to her building, or wherever you are parting from. Make sure you give/get a hug. If you feel like going for a kiss go for it, though it's not that important (kiss at the end of a first date is sort of cliche anyway ). The goodbye doesn't need to be long. When it's over tell her good night or something simple along those lines and then leave. Above all, relax and have fun. Don't worry too much about trying to impress her, you must have already done that a little bit or else she wouldn't have gone out with you. Just focus on having a good time yourself and I promise she will have a good time too. Report back after your date! I want to know how it goes!
Author sibernox Posted November 6, 2008 Author Posted November 6, 2008 Thank you Princess Peach. Last 2 questions, I promise! Do you think she agreed to go out with me thinking I only want to be friends? And why do you think she didn't agree for tomorrow right away, and instead told me she'd send me a message about it? Once again, thanks so much!
PrincessPeach Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 You're welcome There could be several reasons why she waited. She might of had tentative plans or set plans with someone else, but wanted to see you so canceled or moved those plans. This probably isn't likely, but possible. She also might of thought that she could do something better tomorrow night, but then decided that she wasn't going to be doing anything better so going with you was then a good idea for her. Ultimately it doesn't matter too much why she waited to confirm (and she didn't wait all that long it seems). As for whether she thinks you want to be friends, she won't have it set in her mind yet, but that just means you shouldn't give her any reason to. Don;t be afraid to get a little close or show a bit of attraction. Make sure she knows that you see it as a potential romantic relationship that way she can start thinking of you in those terms. If she isn't sure that you are interested in her romantically, she may start thinking of you as "just friends." So be sure your intentions are known to her. Though actions speak louder than words. Do not tell her that you are interested, you only need to SHOW her that you are.
Author sibernox Posted November 6, 2008 Author Posted November 6, 2008 I just called her to tell her what time we'll meet and whatnot, and she just told me that she can't anymore for tonight. I was like "Ohhh ok, why not?" and she said something about her friend telling her that they have to hand in this assignment for tomorrow or something. She apologized and asked if the show is every week, I said I'm pretty sure it's every thursday friday and saturday. She said maybe we can go next week If I'm free, I was like "hm, maybe. I'm not sure if I'm free but I'll let you know". And then she apologized again and I was like "hey that's ok, i'm gona be laughing my ass off and you won't be. I'm not the one that's losing here" she just laughed and then I wished her luck on her assignment and said bye. This sucks.
lonelybuthappy Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 I just called her to tell her what time we'll meet and whatnot, and she just told me that she can't anymore for tonight. I was like "Ohhh ok, why not?" and she said something about her friend telling her that they have to hand in this assignment for tomorrow or something. She apologized and asked if the show is every week, I said I'm pretty sure it's every thursday friday and saturday. She said maybe we can go next week If I'm free, I was like "hm, maybe. I'm not sure if I'm free but I'll let you know". And then she apologized again and I was like "hey that's ok, i'm gona be laughing my ass off and you won't be. I'm not the one that's losing here" she just laughed and then I wished her luck on her assignment and said bye. This sucks. She is not sure what to do with you, it is too early for her, so let her space, cool a little..Don't bother, call another girl and gain some confidence. Next time when you meet her, be casual, polite, and wait few days. Then ask her out again (same show, or for a walk or coffee)...Be a friend first, she'll decide will you stay only friends.. (sorry my friend, girls always choose).. Good luck
Author sibernox Posted November 6, 2008 Author Posted November 6, 2008 You think it's done? I have been cool, I only called her once. I've been very cool and kept my distance. i don't understand. I think I'm gona call her next week sometime, and try again. If she says no, then I'll just forget about it I guess. And we have been friends for a while. We've known each other for about 4-5 months now and I never showed interest in being more than a friend, except for now. Thanks for your answers.
Author sibernox Posted November 7, 2008 Author Posted November 7, 2008 Sorry to be double-posting, but it won't let me edit my post. Maybe I should just forget about her. Is that stupid? I don't like people who play games. I don't know. And when I was on the phone with her today when she said she couldn't for tonight, I was so tempted to ask her if she could tomorrow, but I didn't so I wouldn't sound needy and so on. Did I do the right thing? and was it stupid that I told her I'll let her know for next week? Thank you, once again.
PrincessPeach Posted November 7, 2008 Posted November 7, 2008 I think you handled it well. Asking for the next night would seem needy, and saying you'll let her know for next week is good, though next time you call do it with plan to be set in mind.
Author sibernox Posted November 7, 2008 Author Posted November 7, 2008 Thanks for replying. What do you mean a plan set in mind though? I already knew we'd go to the show...You mean have a time and place to meet set already?
sid3 Posted November 7, 2008 Posted November 7, 2008 Welcome to the world of women flaking. I agree, you handled it well. After four or five months you may already unknowingly be in the friendzone. And that is why she decided that going on a 'date' would send the wrong message. Or I could be completely wrong and she is really busy, or maybe there is a little hard to get going on, maybe she wants to see if your willing to persist a little. Hard to say for sure. Waiting until next week sounds like a good idea. An even better idea, don't call next week, call the following week. Monday or whenever, as long as it's past the time you had arranged. She'll be suprised, you are somewhat of a mystey as she'll be wondering whether you gave up, took her canceling hard, meet someone else etc. The point being that it will help prevent looking too interested, or desperate. Bad things happen when we become predictable, just saying. Good luck
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