Final Girl Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 I don't understand why people allow others to dictate how they feel....I've met some EVIL (and I mean psychopathic evil...even a murderer) men in my time, three of whom nearly had me committing suicide, but I pulled all my strength together and moved on. There are times I feel mad with men's aggression and how they can be big lazy flumps at times, but to me, tarring all men with the same brush (like the OP is beginning to do with girls) is no different to or better than racism, for example. And when I catch myself feeling negative towards ALL men, I catch myself wrong and see how stupid that is!! We're all people!!! All different but all important too.
Nikki Sahagin Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 I actually agree with you but rather than just women, I think men AND women. I am the same age as you, I live in London and seeing the new generation in general has me scrambling to wish I was born in another time. Anytime I go out all I see is women dressed in next to nothing clamouring for attention (most of them with boyfriends) and men who've made minimal effort perving over any girl they can (again most with girlfriends) and it is SUCH a depressing sight. I had given up pretty much before i've started. I'm in a relationship now, truth be told i'm not sure at the moment how happy I am in it but when I first met him I realised not ALL men were the way I saw them, same as all women weren't. But the truth is once you start noticing patterns in peoples behaviour you begin to EXPECT them. It applies to anything. It's human nature. It's like you learn a lesson, only with something as complicated as human beings you can't always afford to put all your eggs in one basket. A lot of people act the way they do BECAUSE they've been hurt, BECAUSE they've given up. As another poster said it's a vicious cycle of people being hurt and not having the strength to go on. It's all very well and good to say grow, become stronger. Not everyone CAN go on and certainly not everyone becomes stronger by experience, some become weaker. It depends on your mentality and certain qualities like perseverence, determination, self-esteem and so on. Especially at a young age. It's very easy to give up. I've been there, done that and may be back there sooner than I think BUT there are enough people in the world that just 1 might suprise you. [sIZE=2][/sIZE]
Nikki Sahagin Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 Yes, London is truly an elective mix of the mediocre, the ugly and the idiotic, fortunately I belong in none of these categories. I think all big citie can't help but be intimidating and quite frankly often isolating and demoralising to the nice guy and the nice girl. So many people, so many places - yet you'll never feel more alone that you will in a big city! Everyone's so busy, got places to go, people to see. It can be so hard to find closeness, intimacy, connection. It truly is quite sad and disapointing for those of us that YEARN to really reach out to someone. I think it can all depend on where you live. Sometimes the bigger the city you live and the more people you come into contact with who DON'T meet your criteria, the more bitter, resentful, alienated and hopeless you feel.
Chinook Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 Is there such a thing as a "Gay Gene"? No. As a matter of fact in 1970 a group of scientist completely embarrassed themselves claiming they had alas found the "Gay Gene"..however they failed to mention that this same gene was found in over 75% of the straight folks within this controlled group. Whilst this is true, further research published this last summer had found that the same neural brain patterns and images on CT scan in gay men were present in straight women (i.e. both sexes attracted to men), the different patterns were present for straight men and these same patterns were present in gay women (mainly the 'butch' ones as opposed to lipstick lesbians). So although it may not actually be a genetic pre-disposition... the current scientific thinking is that this brain neural predisposition, coupled with environmental factors, are what 'cause' someone to be gay. Without this predisposition, it doesn't happen. Scientists have not narrowed this neural pathway thing down to genetics but they conceded that this is not simply down to environment, there is an element of 'just being born that way'. Linky clicky thing
Author kashmir Posted November 4, 2008 Author Posted November 4, 2008 Fade, good post. Let me give a bit of a history of myself and make a few admissions. I'm not as much as a downer as I might appear through my writings on here. I have good days and bad days, and yesterday was a bad day, along with the weekend. I grew up pretty sheltered and isolated. I was the fat shy kid growing up...got beaten up by guys while the girls stood by and laughed. During this time I was also going through mental illness, which I still face now. Some of it was brought on by constant harassment at school while other parts were genetic. I had a dark past, but that time is gone. For the last 4 years I've been in great shape (I eventually decided that enough was enough and got buit during high school. No one messed with me physically after that). For the last year and a half I've been relatively free of hallucinations and have gained a lot of mental discipline. I've been having more frequent break-downs, but they don't last long and with every one I'm learning to deal with more and more. I suppose since I've gotten through all of that, I can get through this situation I'm in now. It's just so hard to avoid. I feel like this entire system is working forcefully against me. I can overcome my own problems, but it sometimes feels like I'm powerless against the outside world. I really don't fully believe this outlook I've been talking about on girls. Part of me thinks it, and that part of me comes out when I'm at a low. I passed this one girl twice yesterday, and both times she looked me in the eyes and gave a smile...didn't look at anyone else, just me. I was so messed up yesterday that I seriously believed she was doing it to spite me - to tease me. Now I look back and think that maybe she was just being nice, or maybe she actually liked me. If she passed me again today, I would have given a big smile back.
Nikki Sahagin Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 You've touched on something important here - perception. One person can see one thing one way and another in a completely different way. You've gone through some negative experiences so negative perceptions and thoughts probably come quite naturally and habitually. You need to try to break out of these negative thought patterns by replacing each one with a positive one, even if it's something you don't really believe.
Chinook Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 Kashmir, I don't think there is anything wrong with you. Sadly, I think the situation you're in is partly reflective of the supposedly civilised societies we live in. But also, I think part of it is immaturity (on their part, not yours). You seem to be an introspective person, a thinker, someone who takes care with how they impact on other people's lives... from my own experience when I was 19, that's kinda unusual. I think people will catch you up and you'll come across a girl like yourself who you can identify with. Please don't think that there's a problem. You're right what you said in your last post, the way we feel inside is more or less like wearing our hearts on our sleeves, if we're feeling pissed off, there is less chance people will approach us. So... as hard as it is, next time someone walks by me, I'm gonna do what you said you will... I'm gonna give a big smile.
You'reasian Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 It takes alot of cajones, chutzpah, whatever you will - to not allow others negative characteristics to get you down. Be yourself. That's the most important thing you can do. Find your interests and persue them as best as you can - the next time you lift up your head and look around, some woman will be there and you'll ask yourself how did this happen? lol
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