You'reasian Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 They get me in such a dark and paranoid mindset that I NEED to stop listening to them for a while. Alice in Chains is probably the biggest influence over my music though , and if you know them you know that their music is also filled with sorrow, death, and drug abuse. Alice & Chains and Tool are great bands, a little bit on the alternative scale but great bands. If you believe music is influencing you, try diversifying a little - for some creative, exotic music pop in some Joe Satriani, Steve Vai, Rob Zombie for some solid old-school rock try Van Halen (Sammy Hagar -Van Halen), ACDC, Rush etc. There's other stuff in your genre as well - Nickelback, Carolina Liar...
Author kashmir Posted November 4, 2008 Author Posted November 4, 2008 Alice & Chains and Tool are great bands, a little bit on the alternative scale but great bands. If you believe music is influencing you, try diversifying a little - for some creative, exotic music pop in some Joe Satriani, Steve Vai, Rob Zombie for some solid old-school rock try Van Halen (Sammy Hagar -Van Halen), ACDC, Rush etc. There's other stuff in your genre as well - Nickelback, Carolina Liar... Ha, I've been through it all, but I'll always like my early 90's alt the best. I used to like classic rock like you said, but it became too empty and too much about the whole "sex, drugs, and rock and roll" thing. I find a lot of it to be very shallow. Though I might not care for the genre much anymore, I still love a few bands from that era (Eric Clapton, The Who, Zeppelin). Then I went through a phase of prog - Yes, Rush, Dream Theater. Then eventually it became too much about music technicality. I wanted something more raw...so I went back to grunge and 90's.
norajane Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 I never write songs about women or love. All my songs are about about self-conflict, suicide, death, and depression. I don't feel that pang over beautiful women anymore. I just look past them because I know that CHANCES are she's going to be egotistic, manipulative, and just not worth it. Thanks for your understanding. If you never write about love and only about self-conflict, perhaps your problem isn't women but lies within you. Meaning, you'd be feeling this way even if you had a beautiful woman in your life. Which brings me to the word beautiful. Perhaps you are going for the beautiful girls everyone is also going for. Maybe less focus on physical beauty and more on choosing a woman who has something in common with you, including an interest in music, or perhaps a shared sense of humor, you'd have better results.
Green Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 Seriously girls in NJ suck in my opinon you should transfer too a different school like in Arizona or Florida or heck even hawaii. Now women really have no power when you think about it. For instance you get to boldly walk up to girls start random flirtatious conversations get their number and see if you have the time to call them or send out a mass text invitation to the 7 new numbers you got during the week and then decide who you want to hang out with of the ones who are up for it... Plus your alot stronger then most women physicaly and you can go out places by yourself at night and not be a scared little puss about it. And if you get in an argument with a girl all they can do is like call you a douche... you can call them the B, C, or S word and make them cry about it hahah. You should definetly change your mindset and probably purposely stop listing to depresing music and start listening to posotive stuff. You can pm me and I'll give you my number if you ever need to talk about suicide
forest123 Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 I disagree with some of the posters.. I think almost ALL women want a relationship. However, what many want is a fantasy. Some perfect man who has a combination of physical and mental traits that they feel they deserve. Who is also funny, caring, hard to get, but not a player, has status, money, a great career, etc. I do agree with you that people can easily turn gay. It happens all the time. They might turn bi, etc. But you don't need to do that. There is a big world outside of America in which you can one day find a kind, sweet, beautiful girl to take great care of that respects you at the same time.
Ruby Slippers Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 What kind of girls are you going for? Are you going for the superficial ones with nothing but a pretty face? Are you giving any consideration to the ones who might not be the supermodel but have good personalities? I've dated men who were very handsome and men who were more average in the looks department, and I have found that the ones who don't get as much attention from the opposite sex usually treat you better.
Author kashmir Posted November 4, 2008 Author Posted November 4, 2008 People tend to ask me that question - do you only go for the super attractive ones? The answer is no. Some I go for are attractive. They're what you'd call hot. Others though are not hot by any means. Cute is a better way to describe most of the girls I go for. They look like they can be sweet and kind. These are girls who aren't heavily done up and don't dress too revealing. They are a bit pretty but not head-turners. What I'm saying though is even these girls have this attitude, in fact they're usually the ones I feel the most let down by. I avoid the hot party-type girls...I know they're generally trouble. But every time I see one of these cute girls I tell myself, "well, maybe she's nice," but in the end she turns out to be egotistical like the rest of them. I'm telling you, you'd be surprised by some of the girls I've known that have turned out to be total b*tches. At a glance they look shy, sweet, and kind...but they're exactly the opposite. The hot ones treat guys like crap a lot more, but the ones who aren't such stunners do the same to a lesser extent. Even relatively unattractive girls have this attitude, because no matter how attractive a girl is she'll still get at least a few guys ready to be a doormat for her.
Isolde Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 I feel like people on this board are quick to assume it's the OP's fault for being too picky; sometimes people have just had a lot of bad experiences!
kizik Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 I've tried to be nice, but the truth is you don't know half of what you're talking about. You're spouting platitudes as if you've been around the block; as if you're an old man. You're 19. And your attitude sucks. Trying be a nice guy and try not to be so damn negative. Sorry, but you're just such a downer.
norajane Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 Do these cute girls have anything in common with you? Do you get to know them at all before developing an interest, or do you know you are interested when you first see them? There's something that isn't synching up - the girls you want don't want you. Have you ever asked a girl out that you had already gotten to know through friends or shared activities? A girl who hangs out with your crowd is more likely to find you appealing than a girl who runs with a different crowd with different interests and tastes. Meaning, it takes a certain kind of girl to be interested in a guy who listens to endless loops of Alice in Chains. Just as it would take a certain kind of girl to be interested in a jock, or a science genius, or square dancer.
Author kashmir Posted November 4, 2008 Author Posted November 4, 2008 I've tried to be nice, but the truth is you don't know half of what you're talking about. You're spouting platitudes as if you've been around the block; as if you're an old man. You're 19. And your attitude sucks. Trying be a nice guy and try not to be so damn negative. Sorry, but you're just such a downer. As Isolde said, I've had a lot of bad experiences, ones that have forced me to be cautious around girls. In the beginning I thought it was me - I thought I was a creep or whatever. Then after having another bad time I realized, "Wait...it's not me. I'm not doing a thing wrong! I'm just being me, and I KNOW that I'm a good guy." That thinking hasn't changed anything, though. Do these cute girls have anything in common with you? Do you get to know them at all before developing an interest, or do you know you are interested when you first see them? There's something that isn't synching up - the girls you want don't want you. Have you ever asked a girl out that you had already gotten to know through friends or shared activities? A girl who hangs out with your crowd is more likely to find you appealing than a girl who runs with a different crowd with different interests and tastes. Meaning, it takes a certain kind of girl to be interested in a guy who listens to endless loops of Alice in Chains. Just as it would take a certain kind of girl to be interested in a jock, or a science genius, or square dancer. Yes, a lot of them do, that's how I meet them in the first place. And I have a vast variety of interests by the way. Yeah, I have my music crowd that I hang around with and I listen to heavy or depressing music, but I'm also a bit of a jock (varsity athlete at my university) and a proud science geek too. I also like to party too! Point is, I have a wide arena of girls that I share common things with.
forest123 Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 Do you have an expensive car? lol I only ask this because some 20 yr old guys work for me.. They feel like girls their age just like the rich frat boy types with beemers..Being athletic, tall , strong, etc doesn't compensate for lack of a trust fund to many women even that age.
Ruby Slippers Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 Well, we all have certain patterns -- things we might not even realize we are doing that are putting people off or messing up our relationships. You do seem to have a lot of hostility toward women in general. Maybe you are subconsciously looking for certain qualities and amplifying them once you see the tiniest trace of them. I think you're right that the modern age encourages an I-centered way of being. And women are learning that men really cannot be relied on to take care of us, so we have to take care of ourselves. That means younger women are less likely to take crap from men, because they don't have to anymore, and more likely to have a strong constitution. We are learning that you need it to survive. Sure, we all have bad luck from time to time, but despite what we might tell ourselves, humans aren't that complicated. Like all animals, beyond surviving, we all basically want to be happy and be around people who make us feel good. A person is only going to be interested in being with you if you have something to offer, if you make her life better.
Author kashmir Posted November 4, 2008 Author Posted November 4, 2008 Well, we all have certain patterns -- things we might not even realize we are doing that are putting people off or messing up our relationships. You do seem to have a lot of hostility toward women in general. Maybe you are subconsciously looking for certain qualities and amplifying them once you see the tiniest trace of them. I think you're right that the modern age encourages an I-centered way of being. And women are learning that men really cannot be relied on to take care of us, so we have to take care of ourselves. That means younger women are less likely to take crap from men, because they don't have to anymore, and more likely to have a strong constitution. We are learning that you need it to survive. Sure, we all have bad luck from time to time, but despite what we might tell ourselves, humans aren't that complicated. Like all animals, beyond surviving, we all basically want to be happy and be around people who make us feel good. A person is only going to be interested in being with you if you have something to offer, if you make her life better. I do have a negative view of women, but one decent woman can change that view. I WANT to change that view, but until that time comes I've developed a defensive mechanism to keep myself from getting hurt emotionally and screwed over in other ways. Example - there was one girl I met in the library last year who I thought was kinda cute. She suddenly started to act really cold to me, so I took a hint and stopped going near her or talking to her. A few months later over the summer I was at my local YMCA and by coincidence she happened to be there. I figured she must've lived in my town or a town close by. All I did was notice her...didn't stare, talk, or anything, just went about my business. She REPORTED me! She claimed I was stalking her when this was the first time I've seen her in months...when I was going to my OWN gym for my OWN benefit. I had to sit and argue with some of the managers there and convince them that this girl was out of her mind and that I did absolutely nothing wrong. Other girls have gone out of their way to spread rumors about me to hurt me. These are girls who were once my friends, but the second I did something they didn't like they'd totally turn on me and TRY to ruin my reputation or other aspects of my life. And in so many other other instances girls have been chosen over me for scholarships or funding or whatnot simply for being female. I'm all for equal rights, but reverse-sexism isn't cool. I can't help feel a bit of resentment in that respect. I'm willing to put these girls and dozens of others behind me if one worthy one can come along. Until then, though, I can't help but feel a bit defensive and cautious around women. Forest - some girls care only about a guy's money and car and fall all over frat guys. These girls I usually don't even notice, though.
Isolde Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 Wow, that library chick sounds CRAZY. I can't stand it when women make all women look paranoid and then when someone actually is being stalked they won't take her seriously. It sounds like you've been surrounded by some petty and downright ****** girls of various stripes. I'm sorry. I'm just glad you have this board to assure you that's not the norm.
Author kashmir Posted November 4, 2008 Author Posted November 4, 2008 Wow, that library chick sounds CRAZY. I can't stand it when women make all women look paranoid and then when someone actually is being stalked they won't take her seriously. It sounds like you've been surrounded by some petty and downright ****** girls of various stripes. I'm sorry. I'm just glad you have this board to assure you that's not the norm. It's also a thing of social circles. When you get rejected, word spreads, and no girl wants a guy who got rejected by another girl. Say I try talking to a girl and she's not attracted to me. Instead of being mature and thinking, "He doesn't click with me. I'll just reject him and move on," she has to go tell all her friends about the creepy guy that tried to talk to her and then point him out. This has happened to me a few times. I'm not a creep. Hell no. Some girls call me a creep but that's just because they don't like me for other reasons. There's an entire sorority though that apparently keeps a list of guys to avoid, and because one of their girls doesn't like me, they all know me and prejudge me. They're big and pretty influential, so if I'm at a party and one of them is there, I have no chance at meeting any girls that have connections to that one girl, and usually a lot do. Things are really cliquey like that here.
Isolde Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 College can be like an extension of highschool. Dont let it get to you. I'm 22, and in the process of realizing the real world is quite different.
InLimbo2 Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 I'll be 47 in a month and I can concur with that - it's an extension of high school - which is an extension of middle school. In 5 years when you all are living on own, careers getting started, have reached some major milestones - you won't even remember these people's names. You also won't believe that you ever let some vacuous bubblehead effect you so much. College can be like an extension of highschool. Dont let it get to you. I'm 22, and in the process of realizing the real world is quite different.
You'reasian Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 It's also a thing of social circles. When you get rejected, word spreads, and no girl wants a guy who got rejected by another girl. Say I try talking to a girl and she's not attracted to me. Instead of being mature and thinking, "He doesn't click with me. I'll just reject him and move on," she has to go tell all her friends about the creepy guy that tried to talk to her and then point him out. This has happened to me a few times. I'm not a creep. Hell no. Some girls call me a creep but that's just because they don't like me for other reasons. There's an entire sorority though that apparently keeps a list of guys to avoid, and because one of their girls doesn't like me, they all know me and prejudge me. They're big and pretty influential, so if I'm at a party and one of them is there, I have no chance at meeting any girls that have connections to that one girl, and usually a lot do. Things are really cliquey like that here. You are talking about girls, not women - big difference. Most girls are all about appearances - you'll never find a girl playing a guitar, dancing by herself at a jazz club, taking up a sport because she's interested in it - she doesn't have the life experience or courage to do so.
Author kashmir Posted November 4, 2008 Author Posted November 4, 2008 You are talking about girls, not women - big difference. Most girls are all about appearances - you'll never find a girl playing a guitar, dancing by herself at a jazz club, taking up a sport because she's interested in it - she doesn't have the life experience or courage to do so. Very true. A lot of girls played field hockey or whatever in high school, but a lot of them do it just to look good. It's hard to find girls who are truly dedicated to a sport. Heck, even in the girl's team of my sport, a lot of them are there only for scholarships. The guys get nothing and yet something still makes us want to do the sport. I think my school in particular is very caught up in cliques and appearance. We're still a prestigious academic school but in recent years such quality in education has been declining for big-time sport spending, and I feel like that's attracting a lot of these shallow people. It's just hard to be constantly surrounded by sex and relationships and not feel a bit of desire for it. I feel like I'm letting the time to have fun in life slip away.
angryyoungman70 Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 Ah, another bitter, scorned man. Just what this world needs. Tragic, the untold number of men who have become this way....because of women.
Geishawhelk Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 No, not because of women. Remember: "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent." People can create sadness, but it's up to you how much baggage you carry and when you let yourself move on, instead of clinging to the bitterness.
angryyoungman70 Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 No, not because of women. Remember: "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent." People can create sadness, but it's up to you how much baggage you carry and when you let yourself move on, instead of clinging to the bitterness. Perhaps, however it is very difficult for someone who has been mistreated, used, abused, and discarded like an empty condom wrapper by women thier entire lives not to feel bitter and resentful towards members of the fairer sex. The baggage tends to stick to you and eventually becomes a part of who you are. My advice is to focus on all of the other interests in your life OP. Forget about women, forget about sex, forget about mutually beneficial relationships. It sounds to me like you are a nice guy. I am as well. If you're like me, you are not going to become a disrespectful jerk just to attract women. Stay true to who you are, and let go.
Ruby Slippers Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 Perhaps, however it is very difficult for someone who has been mistreated, used, abused, and discarded like an empty condom wrapper by women thier entire lives not to feel bitter and resentful towards members of the fairer sex. The baggage tends to stick to you and eventually becomes a part of who you are. Please. Women could say SO many parallel things about men. Whether you choose to carry that baggage around and be a bitter man/woman hater is your choice. It might just be where you are. The town I grew up in was dreadful. As soon as I went away to a more liberal town for college, I met all kinds of cool people. As an adult, I have lived in several different cities, and two foreign countries, and I can definitely say that location has a lot to do with it. In some of those cities, I met attractive and interesting men pretty much DAILY -- in others, it was much more rare.
angryyoungman70 Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 Please. Women could say SO many parallel things about men. Whether you choose to carry that baggage around and be a bitter man/woman hater is your choice. It might just be where you are. The town I grew up in was dreadful. As soon as I went away to a more liberal town for college, I met all kinds of cool people. As an adult, I have lived in several different cities, and two foreign countries, and I can definitely say that location has a lot to do with it. In some of those cities, I met attractive and interesting men pretty much DAILY -- in others, it was much more rare. You do have a point there. Where I live, even my female shrink has stated that this city is full of women who have completely unrealistic expectations when it comes to a partner. This town also bleeds money, and most women who live here have come to expect that a guy has to have a very thick wallet and drive a beemer in order for them to show any interest whatsoever. I however have 2 awsome kids who live here and I aint moving. I guess I should accept that I'll be single for the rest of my life.
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