rainbowbrite Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 im hangen out with my ex bf later this week that i havent seen in 2 months, since he dumped me. we have been in light friendly communication since the incident, and he has contacted me, so i suggested a friendly get together and he accepted. i guess i need some tips or something. im scared that this will be akward or something bads going to happen. i dont kno what he wants and he doesnt kno wut i want. honestly i would love to have him back as a bf, but at this point we would need to take it slow and talk out everything before we jump into it, so im not fully ready as of now. i just dont want to come off as desperate and just want to enjoy eachothers company. has anybody ever been in a similar situation? thanks guys. and also im new here, and i have found all the advice to be great, and i love the community vibe lol.
Sysyphus28 Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 two things could happen and they both end in you feeling the same. 1. He is calling you for a booty call because he knows he can have you..........you will end up feeling crummy 2.You try and be friends and you have to use alot of restraint in every aspect of your conversation. you don't talk about the "issues" of the past or breakup or pain or hurt, etc. You end up with a new--old freind that you want to be with............that doesn't want to be with you. Nobody gets back together.......and sees it work for too long. Second chances are for the birds.....why di you want some dude who gave up on you. Find a new fish.
lofi_tokyo Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 Sysyphus makes a good point. Why go back to a man who left you? Problems in the relationship beforehand will undoubtedly come back, unless of course you've had sufficient time to change, which does not really happen in two months. For that reason, the majority of second chances that start up again after a few months never seem to last in the long term. That being said, do what makes you happy, you know? Life is too short to really be planning about a future breakup, or future hurt. If you want to be with him, and he shows signs of wanting to be with you, then why not give it a go? The counter argument is probably: life is short, so don't waste it on someone who kicked you to the curb. Point taken, but honestly, sometimes you've gotta throw caution to the wind, and deal with the consequences later. I suppose only you know if going back to him is the right choice. NOW! With that said, I must about what I've seen happen to close a friend in the last little while: -My very best friend broke up with her ex (he dumped her) about 3 months ago. After two months of not really talking, but some occasional texting, they started hanging out, she wanted him back, and he said he missed her. So they started to "feel things out". She had huge expectations. She knew not to have them, she knew the more rational approach to take, but she ignored that and got wrapped up in him again. He was sleeping with three woman while telling her he wanted to work towards dating her again. That broke her heart. So... go ahead, hang out with him. Don't go in with expectations of being anything other than friends. You may HOPE for him to come back, but try to suppress that hope for the time being. Its entirely possible that in hanging out he will say something that will squash your hopes, and you don't want him ruining your day. My advice then is to just... do your thing. Be happy being yourself, if things develop, great, but if not, thats great too, because you'll get to find a man who doesn't need to break up with you to realize you're worth it, you'll find a guy who just knows.
BCCA Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 1. He is calling you for a booty call This would be my first guess, especially if he wasnt all that interested in getting together until now. He probably thinks youre on board, since you are actually the one who brought it up. The best way to combat this is to suggest meeting up at a coffee shop/resturant and make like you have something to do later. If he immediately loses interest, or tries to change the plan to involve going to his/your house, there is your answer. There is nothing wrong with seeing what happens, but do your best to keep your expectations to a minimum. Just treat this almost like a first date, except you'll have the added bonus of knowing the guy a little more. DO NOT sleep with him. Dont give away the milk, or no one will buy the cow, know what I mean? And you dont want anyone getting the idea that youre cool with a FWB when youre not.
Author rainbowbrite Posted November 3, 2008 Author Posted November 3, 2008 thanks for the advice. ya im definitely not going to do anything sexual with him. were only gona hang out and only for like an hour, i wana keep this short n sweet and leave him wanting more of me. i dont kno i guess ill see what happens...but being friends with him is impossible, im kinda using the friends thing to get back in the game
BCCA Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 thanks for the advice. ya im definitely not going to do anything sexual with him. were only gona hang out and only for like an hour, i wana keep this short n sweet and leave him wanting more of me. i dont kno i guess ill see what happens...but being friends with him is impossible, im kinda using the friends thing to get back in the game Just be careful. You dont want to go along for too long with this friends thing if thats really not what you want. Its ok to do what youre doing right now, for a little while, but you dont want to find yourself falling into the friendzone.
lofi_tokyo Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 Yeah I agree with BCCA. Playing friends at first can be EXTREMELY sucessful in getting ex's back. They see you being sexy and confident in your own life, you are giving off the illusion of not wanting them, which is alluring, because they have challenge and a hunt to get you back. Your ex will sit across that table and remember how that hot hot girl was once hiss, and yeah, it can bring him back. But... if you play friends too long, you'll become just that - a friend. He may think of you as a friend already, but being overall awesome may make him realize how dumb he was to leave you... it will definitely hit him for a second anyways, but again, no promises he'll come back. I had a moment with one of my ex's like this about a year and a half after we broke up - we played friends, and I was in a new relationship, but I still dressed up sexy and was confident, and he openly showed how badly he wanted me. It felt pretty good! Of course, I didn't want him back at that point, I was happy with my new man, but it was fun making him miss me, if only for a moment. Anyways, since I didn't cease that opportunity then, it would appear I am definitely friend zoned now. We have our moments where we're definitely being teases with each other, but we are 100% friends, we just like teasing eachother to feel hot, I think! lol
Hersheys Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 im hangen out with my ex bf later this week that i havent seen in 2 months, since he dumped me. we have been in light friendly communication since the incident, and he has contacted me, so i suggested a friendly get together and he accepted. i guess i need some tips or something. im scared that this will be akward or something bads going to happen. i dont kno what he wants and he doesnt kno wut i want. honestly i would love to have him back as a bf, but at this point we would need to take it slow and talk out everything before we jump into it, so im not fully ready as of now. i just dont want to come off as desperate and just want to enjoy eachothers company. has anybody ever been in a similar situation? thanks guys. and also im new here, and i have found all the advice to be great, and i love the community vibe lol. First things first: Does he want to get back together with you?
Sysyphus28 Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 Look how we all overthink this. Allt his thought for some sh**head who dumped us. Should we be friends? Should act this way? Should we call? When is it ok to text? We all need to move on and find some people who are less trouble and worry..................... LESS TROUBLE AND WORRY. WHY WORRY?! Thier are so many attractive and fun people to meet. Do you have kids with this person, were you married? I have spent so much time thinking about my immature and selfish ex. She is leaving in May never to come back to NorthCarolina................ she is going to grad school and she will be right next to her new man. What kind of temporary fake ass/ deceptive friend do I want?! Find a way to be civil so if you bump into each other it isn't hostile..........then run away from all this BUll****. Life is too short.
trueblue72ny Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 i think i am starting to go through something similar as you. i posted my situation. my girl & i dated just over three years, we broke up just over three months ago, we were talking at first after ward, then things blew up. i went into no contact mode. then she contacted me after three weeks. now we have been in light friendly communication also. i reach out a little, but by far and large i let her contact me first. i suggested a friendly get together, mine said yes as well – but just not yet. i am anticipating we will at some point like you. i think tokyovogue has some good points. be confident in yourself. be alluring. me, i am trying my best to do the same!! it’s hard to do!!! i just dont want to come off as wanting her too much. i would like to see if we can make it happen, but i dont want to just submit like a slave to her. so i think taking it slowly would be the best. i have walls and boundaries i have to make known to her as well. i try to think what its like with the shoe on the other foot. its seems like to me that when i have had women i know would be there no matter what i do, i didnt want to be with them as much as the ones i couldnt get. i know that is messed up huh? finding middle ground is hard to do! its a pain whether you try to rekindle something with someone you have known, or with someone new. its never easy it seems.
Author rainbowbrite Posted November 4, 2008 Author Posted November 4, 2008 First things first: Does he want to get back together with you? ya noo clue. we havent talked about anything regarding the relationship.
Author rainbowbrite Posted November 4, 2008 Author Posted November 4, 2008 WHY WORRY?! Thier are so many attractive and fun people to meet. Do you have kids with this person, were you married? . no kids, not married. were still young. early 20s. but i kno what u mean about other ppl, but its so hard to look past that wen the breakups fresh.
Author rainbowbrite Posted November 4, 2008 Author Posted November 4, 2008 i think i am starting to go through something similar as you. i posted my situation. my girl & i dated just over three years, we broke up just over three months ago, we were talking at first after ward, then things blew up. i went into no contact mode. then she contacted me after three weeks. now we have been in light friendly communication also. i reach out a little, but by far and large i let her contact me first. i suggested a friendly get together, mine said yes as well – but just not yet. i am anticipating we will at some point like you. i think tokyovogue has some good points. be confident in yourself. be alluring. me, i am trying my best to do the same!! it’s hard to do!!! i just dont want to come off as wanting her too much. i would like to see if we can make it happen, but i dont want to just submit like a slave to her. so i think taking it slowly would be the best. i have walls and boundaries i have to make known to her as well. i try to think what its like with the shoe on the other foot. its seems like to me that when i have had women i know would be there no matter what i do, i didnt want to be with them as much as the ones i couldnt get. i know that is messed up huh? finding middle ground is hard to do! its a pain whether you try to rekindle something with someone you have known, or with someone new. its never easy it seems. im glad to see someone in my situation. well good luck, and keep me updated!
trueblue72ny Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 keep us posted. im curious what happens...
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