I'm in no contact should I acknowledge her birthday tomorrow?!?!

[shaw66]

I was hoping for advice on my specific situation. I apologize if its a little bit long. Please read though and help me!

 

I finally started dating a girl I go to college with this september after we had had some dates/hooked up randomly a bit last year and talked all the time. I had actually gotten over the idea of trying to make things more serious well before school ended in may so i moved on. Then early this summer she emailed me out of nowhere (she lives 6 hours away), acknowleding that she really had feelings for me and wanted to make it exclusive and see where things went when school started again if I did.

 

I thought about it and then we agreed this fall to try it. I moved slowly knowing that she had a lot of trust issues from issues with her father unfaithful etc etc and that she had never allowed herself to be in a serious relationship because she always pulled away whenever she felt she was getting too close to somebody...so that email this summer was really shocking.

 

Anyways she was getting better and better with her issues by the week and opening up to me, but still it was hard to be patient when she would suddlenly get cold or close up and i got frusterated. Then on a couple of nights within a week of each other I got really drunk and let my built up frusteration out on her and blew things way out of proportion. The second time I made a huge scene in front of all of her friends and a lot of acquantences at the bar, called her some terrlble names and said some terrible things including that I was done with her.

 

I sent her an apology the next day not thinking she would even resond to it but she did. She said how hurt, furious and embarressed she was and how she felt like she couldn't trust me after my terrible displays when I was drunk. She said she really cares about me more than she even admits to herself sometimes but that she wants a few weeks to cool down and think about it because my behaviour was completely unacceptable. She asked me not to approach her until she wants to talk to me.

 

My only response was to tell her how ashamed I was, how bad i felt to have hurt and embarrassed her, that I would like the chance to apologize to her face to face when she's ready and that I understand her decision. Since then I decided to go no contact and its been a little over two weeks since I've talked to her. I've only seen her once and didn't talk to her. Actually I barely even looked at her.

 

Her birthday is in 3 days and while I think strict NC is best because it allows me to get my life in order (I've cut way down on the drinking...as you can see sometimes I get crazy when I have too much) and it shows her the respect and space she asked for, I'm not sure if its a good idea to ignore her birthday. We're a short term relationship but its been going on a lot longer than two months and we're still technically together...just "on break" for now.

 

So here's my question. Assuming I dont hear from her before her bday, should I acknowledge her bday by sending her a simple card just saying something light and simple, a quick text or IM just saying happy bday, or should I just keep up with strict NC? Like I said, its been only like 2.5 weeks since this all happened. Since I'm the one that screwed up I dont want to be a jerk and ignore her bday, but I also dont want to set back whatever progress the NC is making. If you could give me advice ASAP i would really appreciate it!

[markyboy1983]

I've only been on this site for about a week -I'm sure there are many people who have been here longer that have seen this type of thing b4.

 

My answer is - and it's hard 4 me to answer cuz I don't know ur relationship- but I would send a simple, quick, no I love u forever type thing. If it were me and this situation arose I would send her an email or text saying" Happy Birthday, best wishes." Thats it, nothing more, nothing less. And don't get ur hopes up and think cuz you wished her a happy birthday she'll take u right back. Also realize that you are gonna break a 2 week streak. You have to think is it worth it? My mother once told me if you really love this girl and she loves you then it is worth pursuing.

 

Sorry buddy, I know my answer was all over the place, but I'm in a bad place right now too and can't get my thoughts str8. Hopefully someone else will have a better answer.

[Geishawhelk]

"Just to let you know I'm thinking of you, Happy Birthday, hope you have a good one. X "

 

Will do just fine.

 

And leave it at that.

[kizik]

I agree with markyboy and Geisha. Short, simple, and not too sweet.

[CaliGuy]

If you are TRULY in NC to heal, then breaking it to wish her a happy birthday is a bad idea. No matter what, you're going to anticipate a reply and will be heartbroken when you don't hear what you want to hear.

 

My vote is no.

 

If you make contact, even for her birthday, it will be an "aha, I still have him" moment for her.

 

Make her wonder more by doing nothing.

[kizik]

Yeah, but that's kind of mean, to not say anything. Plus, from what he wrote, he was pretty much a giant as*hole in the R. So, saying Happy Birthday is one step in the non-jerk direction, wouldn't you say?

[CaliGuy]

In this case, yeah that wouldn't be so bad. Normally though I suggest not doing it but this may be one of those cases where it's ok.

[kizik]

You, sir, are a shameless backpedaler and life is not one big rulebook! There are caveats! This aint CalGuy's world! I mean, it is... if you're you... but you are you... so nevermind, this is CaliGuy's world.

[CaliGuy]

You, sir, are a shameless backpedaler and life is not one big rulebook! There are caveats! This aint CalGuy's world! I mean, it is... if you're you... but you are you... so nevermind, this is CaliGuy's world.

 

Haha, it's OUR world and we all have to live in it

 

That was pretty funny, btw.

[nopainnogain]

From experience I vote dont do it.

 

I was with this chick 4 7 years. We split in april this year. I was hurt for a few months but bounced back . Around sept. ( the month her birthday is in) I thought I could send her a happy bday with no sweat off my nutsack. So I texted her happy b-day. It didnt set me back but it was pointless. I know from along time ago she isnt worth it and I wouldnt get back togher.

 

So I thought, A baday text wont hurt. I sent it ,it didnt hurt but it was pointless.

 

Oh yeah, my baday was yesterday and she sent me a happy bday. Too late for her. Where was she when I really needed her earlier this year? sucking off some fool,thats where she was. And now she sends me a happy bday text. I got upset that she even sent it to me.

[kizik]

I was with this chick 4 7 years.

 

47 years is a long time. I mean, my longest R was 50 years, but 47 is long too.

[nopainnogain]

47 years is a long time. I mean, my longest R was 50 years, but 47 is long too.

 

blah! lol. You know what I mean. 7 years.

 

Maybe if she sent me a sincere aplology her bday text might hold some merit. But she didnt and never will.

[Konfuzion]

DONT DO IT!!!!

So yeah my vote is no.

[shaw66]

this is too weird, but she actually just contacted me for the first time just a few minutes ago on AIM and her message was:

 

"hey.. so i don't know where your head is at now.... i'm not mad anymore but we should probably talk about it."

 

so whats the move?

[kizik]

Man, do what you feel is right. Any further advice would be presumptuous; we don't know the two of you. We can't tell you what to do on such heavy matters, or at least I can't.

[EmperorR]

No don't do it, you say that, then maybe she doesn't reply you'll feel garbage, or she replies and just say thanks you will feel garbage, or she replies and strings you along thinking hey maybe she changed but no she didn't.

 

Stay NC, thanksgiving came p here in canada I said nothing, Christmas will come I will say nothing. How is it mean? when they treated you like crap and less than a person.

[carrie3107]

I have the same problem. The ex is 40 in a couple of weeks time.

 

At the mo im thinking should i send him a Happy Birthday text, but at the same time im thinking why? He has moved on.

 

I've spoke to my dear friend and she has said dont text him. He might contact you. So have decided not to text him and just let him get on with his birthday which ever way he wants, cause we are both moving apart from each other.