crushed66 Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 its been 2 months since my ex for 8 yrs dumped me. how come im not in the anger stage. it seems like like i blend in the denial, depressed, and bargaining stage all in one? any insights/
gd26 Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 Sometimes it takes time, and people go through the stages at their own page. I remember the first few weeks after I was let go... I was in total denial, and had no anger to him. I thought he was the most amazing wonderful man ever, and I blamed myself for screwing things up. It was not until several weeks later that the anger set in, and I realized that he was too hard on me... and that he ran away from me for trivial things without even giving me a chance. Realizing this is when the resentment started to sink in. So don't rush the stages. Just give it time. Eventually you will start to feel resentful and upset with him for all the crap he put you through and how he doesn't even consider your feelings etc, etc... and you will then move to that stage. Initially after he pulled away from me, I thought that I could never be angry with him (as I considered him the most precious person ever), and couldn't relate to others who were angry with their exes. I thought I'd always feel regret and never anger.... but yes, in time it eventually set in with me too. One suggestion though.... don't do the bargaining thing. You don't need to bargain for someone to be with you, as someone should WANT to be with you. You deserve better than to lower yourself to that. (On a side note though, the more you do the whole bargaining thing, the longer it will take you to get to the anger stage.... however, once you do finally get angry, you will be even angrier than most people, because you will resent that you degraded yourself in that way and he couldn't care less to give you another chance.... after EIGHT years together. And the fact that you were together so long and he still left without caring, that will make you even angrier too once it does set in.)
sultry33 Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 I have never got angry either;) I get bit upset to think he is out of my life when it seemed so perfect and we planned our lives together but anger no.. Even now that he is with another im not angry Just take care of you and dont sweat the stages we are all different:D
EmperorR Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 I have never got angry either;) I get bit upset to think he is out of my life when it seemed so perfect and we planned our lives together but anger no.. Even now that he is with another im not angry Just take care of you and dont sweat the stages we are all different:D Same boat as well, even though my ex cheated on me kicked me to the curb and is with someone new now, I'm sitll not angry.
CherishG Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 I also find myself having a very very very hard time getting to that "anger" stage. I feel like I'm still in the denial stage, hoping that all his misleading antics of wanting to come back or still feeling something for me just confuses the hell out of me. I feel so stuck right now.
sunshinegirl Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 It usually takes me a long time to connect to my anger. It's a relief when I do, to be honest, because it really helps in the healing process. Especially so if you have the person on a pedestal and are blaming yourself for things falling apart. I'm not sure how to hasten the anger part except maybe to really think hard about the bad stuff in the relationship.
SgtPepper Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 I am just starting to notice some of that anger creep in where sadness used to be. I am in month two following the break up of an 8-year relationship and the first month I barely functioned. Now that I am starting to function (somewhat) like a normal person, I am starting to have feelings that go beyond the "why me" despair of the initial shock.
Crazy.S Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 you are depressed so you deny what it is happening and therefore you are still bargaining... once u stop and realize the bargaining is not getting anywhere, you will be angry that "she led you on" to thinking there might still be a chance, your anger stage will come
gd26 Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 Oh sorry.... I assumed your ex was a male, my mistake. Nonetheless, my response is still the same, as I don't think the person's gender matters.
Ronni_W Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 how come im not in the anger stage. it seems like like i blend in the denial, depressed, and bargaining stage all in one? One reason to not feel (too) angry is when we know that they had just cause to leave. The anger would then have to be self-anger (for how we treated them that led them to leaving), so sometimes we can want to delay that for as long as possible. It is quite normal for the different "stages" to co-exist, and to disappear...and then reappear at a much later time. Grief has it's own agenda, and it isn't neat and tidy, unfortunately.
Ingenue Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 Not everybody will experience every stage and those stages aren't linear or processual. They're haphazard and disappear and reappear at strange times. They surprise us in their intensity and baffle us in their dissolution. I just passed my 123rd day of NC and it's only in the past few weeks that I've started experiencing pangs of anger over my ex's cowardly break-up method after 5 years together. I always thought that I wouldn't get angry. In the initial days and weeks after the break up, I was processing and accepting it as best I could. Many of my friends commented on how well I was coping and how I conducted myself with dignity and grace by not vilifying my ex and hating him, despite some recommendations to indulge that sense of emotion. But now, when I do have thoughts of my ex, they're along the lines of 'douchebag this' and 'douchebag that'. Maybe you'll never experience the anger stage. But for me, it's taken about 4 months to get there. And only now am I really seeing my ex in close to objective lights. Those rose coloured glasses have been throw far off
sultry33 Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 IM too busy having a life now to be angry anger is not who i am anyway im pissed at him for being a liar and coward but im a strong believer in karma and i dont like wasting my time thinking about him as he left me so good damn ridance see not angry;) maybe mildly but def not an anger stage
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