Sysyphus28 Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 Holloween was a nightmare................. I saw her at a show after 4 months of not seeing eachother in person! We tried to be civil.........we started bitching at eachother...it got pretty ugly and words were exchanged, I left the show and went somewhere else with a girl I have been seeing. She found this out and sent me some nasty texts about going with my second The next day we didn't talk at all.............I burned all her stuff at my house...pictures, letters, gifts, ......it felt really good even though it was hard to see the stuff go. She called me on sunday and bitched and said she didn't want to be my friend......etc, etc. **** we hung out sunday night alone for the first time in a long long time. 1. We didn't talk about our past 2. we kept conversation light 3.we were friendly and tried to joke a bit(even though it was not easy) 4. Thier was an apoligetic tone in the air 5.Thier was no awkwardness 6. I listened to her talk about her summer and her plans, etc.....I realized how immature she sounded(her being 21 and me being 28). It was eye-opening. Long story short, I think I got my closure. One civil dinner, and a bit of relaxed small talk. It may not develop into a friendship EVER.......but at least it was civil. The knot in my chest is shrinking. Thier will always be resentment and sub-concious animosity....... but no hate, I was in control of my emotions for the first time since our breakup. I won't lose control again. Today feels good.
EmperorR Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 ah I felt good after ripping up all my picture and cards, good to see your getting better every day
JooLee Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 good to hear! good to hear! im full of angst today towards the idiot. so i wish i cud get some revenge to let off some steam hahaha.. nah not really.. maybe just a lil bit.. hooray for you that you see the bigger picture now! now you can live your own life in peace!
Author Sysyphus28 Posted November 4, 2008 Author Posted November 4, 2008 When we went to dinner(first time in 4 months). I quietly listened to her blab on about herself................. earlier that day we talked on the phone about serious stuff(why we broke up)(thier were some good reasons and she was not willing to "try again" to get it right) (she said she feels like she matters when she is with her new guy) OUCH! Another kick in the shins! I am a glutton for punishment. --She is going on tour with some band?(going to a bunch of shows), and she picked out a different outfit for every show(how exciting). --She talked about her wild summer of fun(without me) That was just one of the small talk tidbits I got out of our "big friendship" dinner................ I did not get emotional at all about anything I did not mention the past We joked around very lightly about a couple of things that didn't matter at all(tv shows and such) We ate, I dropped her back off from school. I could tell she was hiding where she was from her school friends because she was embarrassed of hanging out with her ex after she talked so much crap about me. I dropped her off near her dorm and felt unwelcome at best and zero trust between us. It was better than hostility, but far from friendship. Being freinds with your ex is for the birds. Being civil feels good. But lets all get real...............burn that old relationship junk that you guys shared and junk the idea of a healthy friendship............. Your ex is not a good friend candidate.
northstar1 Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 When we went to dinner(first time in 4 months). I quietly listened to her blab on about herself................. earlier that day we talked on the phone about serious stuff(why we broke up)(thier were some good reasons and she was not willing to "try again" to get it right) (she said she feels like she matters when she is with her new guy) OUCH! Another kick in the shins! I am a glutton for punishment. --She is going on tour with some band?(going to a bunch of shows), and she picked out a different outfit for every show(how exciting). --She talked about her wild summer of fun(without me) That was just one of the small talk tidbits I got out of our "big friendship" dinner................ I did not get emotional at all about anything I did not mention the past We joked around very lightly about a couple of things that didn't matter at all(tv shows and such) We ate, I dropped her back off from school. I could tell she was hiding where she was from her school friends because she was embarrassed of hanging out with her ex after she talked so much crap about me. I dropped her off near her dorm and felt unwelcome at best and zero trust between us. It was better than hostility, but far from friendship. Being freinds with your ex is for the birds. Being civil feels good. But lets all get real...............burn that old relationship junk that you guys shared and junk the idea of a healthy friendship............. Your ex is not a good friend candidate. Well, how are you feeling after all this? It seems clear this girl is neither old or mature enough for you and has a lot of growing up to do. Chalk it up to just being at two different spaces in life and she cleary cannot give you what you need.
lofi_tokyo Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 You keep saying how bad being friends with an ex is... yet you continue to post the outings you go on her with? Kind of contradictory, isn't it? Why don't you just cut of contact? Or am I missing something?
Author Sysyphus28 Posted November 5, 2008 Author Posted November 5, 2008 Your right. I NEEDED to have things be civil between us. We have mutual friends, close friends. And we have chances of running into eachother. I couldn't have another friday blowout occur. I needed to have a civil meeting for any kind of closure. Your right though. It is time for a complete cut.
UnamedSeven Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 Its good that your issues were finally cleared up between you and her. I didn't really catch how the whole Dinner thing happened. If you wouldn't mind clearing that up for me, that would be great. Its been 3 months (to the date today) that me and this girl broke for reasons i never knew of and still don't know. I kept on calling for a month after and got absolutely no response and just gave up on the whole thing. It would be nice to actually talk to her again without anything bad occur. Can you explain how i can do such a thing? Thanks
Author Sysyphus28 Posted November 5, 2008 Author Posted November 5, 2008 Thier is no me and her. BUT here is what I did. I asked for a "drama free" dinner. It was drama free, but it was boring as hell.
sumdude Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 Your right. I NEEDED to have things be civil between us. We have mutual friends, close friends. And we have chances of running into eachother. I couldn't have another friday blowout occur. I needed to have a civil meeting for any kind of closure. Your right though. It is time for a complete cut. Now I can understand why you don't feel you have so much choice about it. I have two friends in the same group, they broke up after 7 years together. It's been interesting and difficult to watch them trying to find civility at group gatherings over the last couple of years. One avoids more of the gatherings and his new girl is usually pretty uncomfortable around them. But they are finding a way. So you should be able to say hi, tiny small talk then ignore each other the rest of the night. Not easy when you have a lot of mutual freinds.
UnamedSeven Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 Ahh ok i see. Just look on the brighter side of life. I despise my friend for this but, he has a saying, "It could be worse" which he always uses whenever i tell him about whats going on. It depends on what the situation is. Just be glad that its all basically, done and over with. Isn't it?
Author Sysyphus28 Posted November 6, 2008 Author Posted November 6, 2008 I am definetly mad at my self for thinking about being her friend. Her display of effort is so piss poor, I am doing all the work to try and hang out and talk and etc............. She is a million miles away mentally and embarrassed to be hanging out with her ex. She has demonized me to all her "friends" ,and hanging out with me makes her look like a liar, which she is. It has been hard for me to cut her out of my life.........I still miss her presence even though she has only gave me table scraps of attention. What is going to help me go complete NC and cut her off from any positive attention from me??? I don't want to answer her calls, I don't want to talk to her about her life.. She calls me like nothing ever happened and I let her, and in turn, act like nothing ever happened.
stillafool Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 I don't understand why you keep seeing this girl if she is causing you so much pain. Then to buy her dinner??? You need to make a clean break for your own sanity. So what if you have mutual friends. Do all of your friends know her? If not, hang out with the friends who don't know her. (That is why I always kept 3 sets of friends when I was single.) I don't think it is healthy for you to keep talking about her, seeing her, taking her phone calls, reading her emails, etc. as this keeps her on your mind. You have to go strictly NC, no matter what it takes. You have to get serious about getting over her if that's what you truly want.
Author Sysyphus28 Posted November 6, 2008 Author Posted November 6, 2008 I do need to get serious. She is over me and I am eating scraps of her bull**** half-A** attention that she is throwing me. I need to change my phone number.............I need to drop off the map.
stillafool Posted November 7, 2008 Posted November 7, 2008 Don't drop off the "loveshack" map but definitely I would try to drop off of her map. Breakups are hard as heck and you can always come here to talk and get it out. But, I wouldn't talk to her anymore if you can help it.
Author Sysyphus28 Posted November 7, 2008 Author Posted November 7, 2008 your right, your right....I gues I just needed to see that indifference and the fact that she doesn't love me anymore...........ONE MORE TIME. Before I could say GOOD BYE...forever This week was the best week since this breakup...I feel good honestly... She is an immature little girl and I need a woman 21 is too young for real
northstar1 Posted November 7, 2008 Posted November 7, 2008 your right, your right....I gues I just needed to see that indifference and the fact that she doesn't love me anymore...........ONE MORE TIME. Before I could say GOOD BYE...forever This week was the best week since this breakup...I feel good honestly... She is an immature little girl and I need a woman 21 is too young for real Glad you are coming to terms with all this. People change a lot in their early, mid twenties - figuring out what they want to do, easily influenced by friends. Even though you are only 7 years older, you are just at different places in life. You now realize what YOU need, so now you just have to go find it!.
Author Sysyphus28 Posted November 10, 2008 Author Posted November 10, 2008 I was mentally stifling and stunting myself by being with her. Her state of mind is just plain childish and in turn I was constantly playing a certain role in the relationship. It feels good to be out! I needed to be!
Recommended Posts