Nikki Sahagin Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 Well i've always seen it as quite a positive thing. My boyfriend and I met in person once and continued to talk on msn for the next year without meeting again. Then when we arranged to meet again, we had established such a connection. We knew so much about each other and that really brought out some intimacy and a buzz between us. Now there are clear downsides. It all depends if you prefer being 'out there' or if you prefer sitting at a screen. You can do a bit of both really! It's nice to have options. But definately a lot of hurt, socially awkward and weary people are sitting indoors because it feels safer than going out there and confronting people!
Isolde Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 I agree with D-Jam. Whenever people meet in venues that are designated for dating, or singles, it seems to fail. I mean, in the long run, everyone wants a "warm body..." but the difference between the desperate and non desperate is that the latter recognize that a warm body isn't enough. Maybe I'm biased because my experience with online dating has been quite bad... but I just don't like it. I think it takes the fun out of randomly meeting someone. Whereas if you take up a hobby or something at least you're enriching your life in the process. Signing up for one of those horrible sites like POF just depresses you and perpetuates your inertia.
Isolde Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 D-Jam, Grogster and Vertex- Thanks for the very thoughtful and insightful posts. It's great to know there are some "real men" out there- and yes, from these and other posts, I can tell you guys are the real deal I am also very turned off by online dating and the "resume/interview" aspect of it. It feels very unnatural and forced. Sometimes I feel like at my age (36 now!) online is the only way to meet people, but I don't want to do it. I met plenty of guys when I am out with my friends, but they are either cool, but too young for a relationship, or too douche-y. Everyone says to try doing things that align with your interests, but that has been a challenge for me so far. Some of my interests are solitary (reading, writing, watching old movies). i love to travel, but I don't want to meet a guy who lives half way around the world. I love to dine out/go out with my friends, but then I meet the young guys/douch-y guys. I work out, but usually solitary things like swimming. I don't know. It seems damn near impossible at this stage. I'm not ready to give up though! I hear you about the solitary interests thing. I'm thinking about joining a multisex soccer team like KMT said to
Isolde Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 I think its one of four possibilities: She gets or has received a lot of unwanted attention from men. Come ons that were terrible, etc...and thus she gets annoyed when men approach because she feels it's probably yet another "hungry dog" looking for a piece of meat.She's full of herself and is annoyed when someone she's not attracted to approaches her. The "why couldn't it have been that cute guy over there??" mentality.She's royally scared. Maybe she got burned by some guy in the past that she met in a store or what not...and thus goes out with a big wall around her, deciding that any man who approaches is just as bad as the one guy in her past.She's a man-hating lesbian. I think it's human nature to want to be approached by someone you're attracted to, for both sexes. If someone approaches you nicely though, there's no reason to be rude.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 I think it's human nature to want to be approached by someone you're attracted to, for both sexes. If someone approaches you nicely though, there's no reason to be rude. I'm not rude to people who approach me, as long as they are respectful. I think it takes guts and I respect that. I have to say, though, that I am under no obligation to talk to someone at length who I'm not attracted to, and I am under no obligation to go out on a date with someone I'm not attracted to. This does not mean I'm shallow, and it does not mean I'm cowardly or playing games. It is not my obligation to go on a pity date with someone to make up for all the "wrongs" that have been done to them by women.
Isolde Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 I'm not rude to people who approach me, as long as they are respectful. I think it takes guts and I respect that. I have to say, though, that I am under no obligation to talk to someone at length who I'm not attracted to, and I am under no obligation to go out on a date with someone I'm not attracted to. This does not mean I'm shallow, and it does not mean I'm cowardly or playing games. It is not my obligation to go on a pity date with someone to make up for all the "wrongs" that have been done to them by women. In total agreement with you there, pity dates are meaner than saying no to a first date. Way meaner. No one is so attractive that everyone is going to want to go on a date with them, sometimes I see really hot guys and think there would be zero chemistry.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 Exactly1 I have had zero chemistry with a lot of so-called "hot" guys and a lot of chemistry with some more average fellows. It comes down to brains, personality, character, and of course that elusive spark. But have confidence, guys. Know your worth. Maybe there are some women who won't respond but others will.
mrkingcory Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 Hello yall, I just came accross this thread and found it very interesting... I currently have my own dating site and am continuing to make others as well. Im not trying to promote my site or anything but I am wondering what would make the experience more enjoyable to you guys? Should I implement my 'Date Requests' idea? I too have had the cold shoulder online a couple of times myself. So how should we prevent this, seeing if the user has read the msg or not?
kizik Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 Word, I'm average looking, maybe even good looking, but I'm 5'7" and if I put that online girls would be like, "NO WAY!" But if you met me, you'd be like, "Who's that charming, kind of short guy? I like him." Online dating enables a lot of already-jerky people to be even jerkier, while pretending no one is good enough or hot enough for them. It's no substitute for living, breathing, talking, smiling, meeting, laughing... online dating is a joke!
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 Kizik, I'm 5ft 2, so 5 ft 7 is tall to me! I like tall guys, but I don't overlook the shorties, either.
kizik Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 Nice, my exgf was 5'2", made me feel tall. You need to hear this song by Randy Newman called Short People. It's f-ing hilarious, and it's also a social commentary for its time: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1NvgLkuEtkA
monkey00 Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 I've been on many dates with one time coffee girls from online. And to test the chemistry out some more, I might suggest a second outting. Unfortunately I've never once had anything develop from online prospects. Unfortunately the problem with meeting someone from over the web is the lack of chemistry that had never existed in the first place. Few individuals have had success from online dating VS the outnumbering failures. Scenario A: You see someone on a subway platform, their appearance catches your attention. They give you a wink and smile, you smile back. The mystery, sexual tension, and light playful flirting gives you a reason to want to know the person and get into their personal space. The guy approaches and does a little talking and set up a date, leaving anticipation and intrigue for a get together. Scenario B: You read someone's online profile and see their pics, they do the same. You learn a little about them, the learn a little about you. You guys go on the date, there is light chemistry or none at all..no mystery, little sexual tension. You guys sit and talk..it slowly becomes a chatter / OR you learn more about the other person and they do you and you guys slowly develop chemistry as things click. There may or may not be date #2. You or girl are browsing through countless profiles before date #1 or between date 1 & 2 and looking at other prospects. TOO MANY FRICKIN CHOICES EH? Anyway dating has always been a numbers game. But I think online dating has taken it to the extreme where it's almost meaningless to both parties. Especially to women who are constantly bombarded by dozens of email messages daily, where it brings them little satisfaction even if they do meet a guy in person.
Vertex Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 Well I further confirmed the theory, haha. Today I went to meet a partner for some school project-related work, and she was incredibly cute -- totally my type on many things. We laughed and got along great as we hammered the project out... I had a better time doing SCHOOLWORK with this girl than I did on my pre-arranged date recently, haha. I was much more relaxed and open... things just happened more naturally.
cutegirl Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 . Hypothetical situation here: What's worse than having an unattractive man approach you at the refreshment table and you have to stand there and tolerate him trying to talk to you, when you COULD be at home and just hit a delete button, right? Of course you can. When I do not want to talk to someone I flat out ignore them and give them a dirty look. I have no qualms about being rude. I don't give a F.... I am not obligated to be nice to or talk to anyone that I don't want to. Easy as pie, just ignore and walk away, even when the other person is in the middle of talking. I have done it before. Thing is that I am not interested in meeting any men though, I just wan to be left alone.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 Well I further confirmed the theory, haha. Today I went to meet a partner for some school project-related work, and she was incredibly cute -- totally my type on many things. We laughed and got along great as we hammered the project out... I had a better time doing SCHOOLWORK with this girl than I did on my pre-arranged date recently, haha. I was much more relaxed and open... things just happened more naturally. Ahhh, good for you!
Author Bells Posted November 5, 2008 Author Posted November 5, 2008 Of course you can. When I do not want to talk to someone I flat out ignore them and give them a dirty look. I have no qualms about being rude. I don't give a F.... I am not obligated to be nice to or talk to anyone that I don't want to. Easy as pie, just ignore and walk away, even when the other person is in the middle of talking. I have done it before. Thing is that I am not interested in meeting any men though, I just wan to be left alone. Well chances are, with that attitude, you probably wouldn't be attending a social function anyhow. If you did, you probably would Darwined out of the group. BUT, you're not interested in meeting ANY men?? So...cutegirl....then the subject is moot......at least to you, right?
Author Bells Posted November 5, 2008 Author Posted November 5, 2008 I've been on many dates with one time coffee girls from online. And to test the chemistry out some more, I might suggest a second outting. Unfortunately I've never once had anything develop from online prospects. Unfortunately the problem with meeting someone from over the web is the lack of chemistry that had never existed in the first place. Few individuals have had success from online dating VS the outnumbering failures. Scenario A: You see someone on a subway platform, their appearance catches your attention. They give you a wink and smile, you smile back. The mystery, sexual tension, and light playful flirting gives you a reason to want to know the person and get into their personal space. The guy approaches and does a little talking and set up a date, leaving anticipation and intrigue for a get together. Scenario B: You read someone's online profile and see their pics.... Nah, I'll cut you off there, and replace that entire paragraph....lol...."...see their pics...go, "ew" and delete the email without reading it (even though it was a well written email.)
cutegirl Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 Well chances are, with that attitude, you probably wouldn't be attending a social function anyhow. If you did, you probably would Darwined out of the group. BUT, you're not interested in meeting ANY men?? So...cutegirl....then the subject is moot......at least to you, right? Nope, I'm 30 and don't want to get married or meet any man... or men. I want to be alone. Forever. The subject isn't moot to me because if I WERE interested in meeting men I would have no problems being rude. It's not true that if I were rude I would be "Darwined" out of any group. I see a lot of females who are rude to men all the time, for example, ignore them or laugh at them etc when they get hit on or approached. Lots of females are rude to guys in person everyday. They don't need to resort to go online to be able to do that.
cutegirl Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 So...cutegirl....then the subject is moot......at least to you, right? My point is that people do not need to resort to on-line dating because they are "afraid of being rude by rejecting people in person". Plenty of people have NO problem ignoring a guy and walking off when approached etc. That's not the main reason why people resort to on-line dating. I think it's more because of the convenience factor and because you get to sort through a bigger pool of fish in a faster amount of time. I know a lot of people who have no problem being rude to others approaching them at all. Trust me, we have no qualms about it and don't think twice about it. It has nothing to do with why people go for online dating.
flc Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 Nah, I'll cut you off there, and replace that entire paragraph....lol...."...see their pics...go, "ew" and delete the email without reading it (even though it was a well written email.) Why does this bother you so much. If you are out in public will you walk up to someone you don't find attractive at all and talk to her? I certainly would not so online or offline the result is the same.
CommitmentPhobe Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 Nope, I'm 30 and don't want to get married or meet any man... or men. I want to be alone. Forever. So.... what's the purpose of being on a dating forum? I guess you like hearing other people's dating tales...?
Author Bells Posted November 5, 2008 Author Posted November 5, 2008 So.... what's the purpose of being on a dating forum? I guess you like hearing other people's dating tales...? Yeah, probably....or just likes to stir the pot. Sounds like she's a rude person in general. I'm rather suprised she's not ashamed of it....actually seems a be a bit proud, which is scarey. lol. I bet it if the guy was attractive enough...she'd be polite. lol
Author Bells Posted November 5, 2008 Author Posted November 5, 2008 Nope, I'm 30 and don't want to get married or meet any man... or men. I want to be alone. Forever. I don't buy it.
BentSpine Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 I'm not rude to people who approach me, as long as they are respectful. I think it takes guts and I respect that.Only partially true: Guts would only be needed if you actually care about the response from this particular woman you approach. On the other hand, if you don't care about this particular woman, then her reaction won't matter, will it?! Once you have stopped caring about how a woman will react, you can really start to play the number's game and approach 5 women each day. So as a woman, if you don't mind meeting a guy who don't really care about you, keep thinking that approaching automatically means that they have guts. Regarding online dating. In real life, it has happened that, with time, I began see beauty in a woman's face where I didn't before. This possiblity will likely pass me by if I'm online.
Shygirl15 Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 I think online dating may work only if you put your focus into it, be selective in looking for what you what, and get offline as soon as you find what you want. I'm really suprised; my sister has just started doing online dating and is currently talking (on the phone) with 15 different people, responding to each and every email (sometimes stay awake all night), and keeping a notebook marking her interests with 1-5 star ratings. I think she's getting way too worked up . Very easy to lose focus, but she doesn't listen to me.
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