skinman Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 :(Greetings everyone, Well I have finished moving out of my house this weekend and it was the hardest thing I have ever done. After close to 16 years of marriage I am on my own. The thing that hurts the most is the fact that when I arrived to get my stuff she had packed everything and had it waiting by the front door. I thanked her for helping and told her it appeared she couldn't wait to erase my memory from her life and the house. She said that she didn't want me in her life anymore and that she pretty much hated me. She proceeded to ask for my key to the house and I told her no since i was paying for half the mortage. Well she then said that she would change the locks that she feared for her and my girls safety that I might flip out since I was so depressed. I told her I wasn't depressed that my heart was broken at the loss of my wife and family. She pretty much said that she was looking forward to meeting someone who she could connect with and someone she shared interests with. Just hearing that nearly ripped my heart out. here I have done everything I can to try and save my marriage and give my children a stable home. How do I go on knowing that someone I care so much for and would do anything has tossed me aside like a old rag. Someone who has made such a better life for her and her daughter. Only to be told I hate you and what I have become because of you. I have tried to keep busy but the thoughts of all her mean words are tearing me up inside. How could someone who supposedly loved me say such mean things and not have a bit of feelings when there said. Thanks for any advice. I am slowly losing my battle to get up everyday and it scares me.
pelicanpreacher Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 Why in the world did it have to be you to leave the family abode? She is the destroyer and tormentor so why wasn't she cast out? Bad, bad move my friend for now she holds all the cards regarding your children and divorce for you can be cited for abandoment which puts you on the defensive now throughout this ordeal!
Author skinman Posted November 3, 2008 Author Posted November 3, 2008 Why in the world did it have to be you to leave the family abode? She is the destroyer and tormentor so why wasn't she cast out? Bad, bad move my friend for now she holds all the cards regarding your children and divorce for you can be cited for abandoment which puts you on the defensive now throughout this ordeal! Well I left thinking that there might be a chance to reconcile and not have the kids seeing us fight. She has said that she wouldn't say i abandoned the family but now i'm rethinking the whole situation. I still love her and have hope, if she wants a divorce thats fine as for my kids only one is mine the other hers but i have raised her. I would never try for custody by taking my daughter away from her sister. So as far as that goes i'm keeping hope that she will allow me as much ime with my daughter as possible. I only want 1/2 of whats mine and no more
PWSX3 Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 Well I left thinking that there might be a chance to reconcile and not have the kids seeing us fight. She has said that she wouldn't say i abandoned the family but now i'm rethinking the whole situation. What they say & what they do are two different things. They will say whatever to get you out or get them out, then the story will change.
Geishawhelk Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 Unfortunately (and such is the situation in the UK) the prmary caregive, if the wife, can legally remain in the family home with the children, as they are the main people who need protection and care.... even if she's the "guilty Party". I don't know how the law stands where you are.... but if you are a mortgage-payer, she can't legally change the locks, unless she taskes out an injunction against you too. It has to be approved, legally, and has to have justifiable cause.... I'm sorry this is being so painful for you. people in pain will also say wicked, cruel and cutting things in retaliation, and it's just sad that dignity flies out of the window. you two loved each other once. You devoted your lives to one another, and made promises when you married. It's so sad when people just shove that right to the back of beyond..... My ex- only started getting spiteful when he realised that no matter what his opinion of me, Marital and Divorce Law stipulated I had certain rights. Before that, we'd pretty much managed to have a civil separation.....
me4u2 Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 Hard and impossible as it may sound - you must follow a bit of logic right now. Logically, you need a lawyer, you need professional guidance, you can't just follow what she tells you. I know you're trying to do it out of the goodness of your heart and to save your marriage, but you would do yourself more service in the long run with some advice from a professional when it comes to decisions regarding the house, kids, etc.
pelicanpreacher Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 Hard and impossible as it may sound - you must follow a bit of logic right now. Logically, you need a lawyer, you need professional guidance, you can't just follow what she tells you. I know you're trying to do it out of the goodness of your heart and to save your marriage, but you would do yourself more service in the long run with some advice from a professional when it comes to decisions regarding the house, kids, etc. Bingo! Furthermore, you need to let her see that you are equipped to take charge of your life and that you don't need her anymore. Confidence breeds attraction so from this day forth steel yourself to focus forward at all times instead of constantly looking in the rearview. Gunny has often said that its the one who cares the least about the relationship that holds the most power so you need to get on her page with this issue quick fast and in a hurry to restore the balance of power!
Author skinman Posted November 3, 2008 Author Posted November 3, 2008 Bingo! Furthermore, you need to let her see that you are equipped to take charge of your life and that you don't need her anymore. Confidence breeds attraction so from this day forth steel yourself to focus forward at all times instead of constantly looking in the rearview. Gunny has often said that its the one who cares the least about the relationship that holds the most power so you need to get on her page with this issue quick fast and in a hurry to restore the balance of power! Thank You... as hard as this is I know she will make my life a living H$$L if i cancel my direct deposit.. she even stated that yesterday when we spoke. I am going to see an attorney in the next few days and talk it over.. hopefully he will ofer some good advice !
pelicanpreacher Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 Isn't it funny that she was the one to initiate the breakup yet she seems totally consumed by dissecting your life to hold onto all that you use to offer when chosen as her life partner. Your seeing an attorney to consult with on your rights, requirements, and obligations is demonstrating to her that you are a man who walks as a man that maintains his composure and military bearing under fire. Continue to show her your "Cool Hand Luke" by engaging yourself proactively to maintain honor, integrity, and control throughout this situation while playing your cards close to the vest. Oh, and by the way, anytime she decides to go into her rants to speak to you disrespectfully you are to immediately shut her down and close the conversation. You cannot allow yourself to be an outlet for her frustrations regarding the actions that you are taking and must thus confound her efforts to relieve her negativity and anxiety upon you right now. When she's been steeped in reality long enough to understand her predicament by achieving the maturity of mind to realize that you are a fully actualized adult (not her child) and should be treated as such then, and only then, do you reopen the lines of communication to allow her to speak on her unhappiness in the marriage. Even then she'd better be careful having learned her lesson about how to approach you with true respect!
Author skinman Posted November 3, 2008 Author Posted November 3, 2008 Isn't it funny that she was the one to initiate the breakup yet she seems totally consumed by dissecting your life to hold onto all that you use to offer when chosen as her life partner. Your seeing an attorney to consult with on your rights, requirements, and obligations is demonstrating to her that you are a man who walks as a man that maintains his composure and military bearing under fire. Continue to show her your "Cool Hand Luke" by engaging yourself proactively to maintain honor, integrity, and control throughout this situation while playing your cards close to the vest. Oh, and by the way, anytime she decides to go into her rants to speak to you disrespectfully you are to immediately shut her down and close the conversation. You cannot allow yourself to be an outlet for her frustrations regarding the actions that you are taking and must thus confound her efforts to relieve her negativity and anxiety upon you right now. When she's been steeped in reality long enough to understand her predicament by achieving the maturity of mind to realize that you are a fully actualized adult (not her child) and should be treated as such then, and only then, do you reopen the lines of communication to allow her to speak on her unhappiness in the marriage. Even then she'd better be careful having learned her lesson about how to approach you with true respect! well to be honest I hadn't planned on telling her i was seeing an attorney. that my friend I know would set her off and seeing first hand how spitefull she is towards her 1st husband I wasnt ready to face the wrath. I was going more for peace of mind incase it does get ugly. thanks for your words of advice. I have not been acting like a man lately and its about time I do.... I love her very much... but I dont need her in my life to be happy !!!
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