Lishy Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 A quick question If you went on a first date with a guy and he spent alot of time talking about his ex who he broke up with 3 months ago after a 4 year relationship, what would you think? This happened to my friend yesterday and I see a huge red flag with it but I am quite cynical so I wanted to see what you guys think He even showed her pics of his ex on his phone!
Ocean-Blue Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 He's rebounding. Talking about her was iffy...showing pictures is inappropriate for a date! Your friend should politely decline a second date offer.
Author Lishy Posted November 3, 2008 Author Posted November 3, 2008 I am glad it wasnt just me who thought it was odd He was not being too nice about her and putting his ex down, to me that is a huge red flag too Oh dear!!!!!!!!!
Ocean-Blue Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 Indeed. He has baggage. Why else would he mention his ex? Unless it's culturally appropriate (meaning, it's a custom or norm), this kind of thing shouldn't happen on a first date! I can understand a man wanting to share some of his history with his current SO, but this is TMI and poor timing! I hope your friend stays away from him. It might be a good idea for her to give him a reason, so that he doesn't repeat this stuff (maybe he's not aware of how icky his behaviour is?).
Kamille Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 Talks about the ex, puts her down and shows pictures??? Ruuuunnnnnn is right. The biggest flag is definitely putting her down: he's clearly still processing the break up. A few years ago I was dating a guy who had broken up with his gf like a whole year before. He mentioned on the first date: I was really heartbroken but I'm finally over her. He put her down and said : "these are the reasons I would never go back to her again". Guess what, she called and told him she wanted to work things out. Guess who he chose between she and I? Yup, it was my turn to be heartbroken. I would highly recommand your friend puts this guy on the backburner for a few more months. Another guy I dated was also heartbroken - but at least he was admitting it. I told him to get in touch with me when he was feeling better. He did. I was, sadly, seeing someone else at the time.
CaliGuy Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 A quick question If you went on a first date with a guy and he spent alot of time talking about his ex who he broke up with 3 months ago after a 4 year relationship, what would you think? This happened to my friend yesterday and I see a huge red flag with it but I am quite cynical so I wanted to see what you guys think He even showed her pics of his ex on his phone! Bad, bad sign, Lishy. If he was over her, he wouldn't talk about her at all much less show you pictures. That's a big red flag.
rainbowbrite Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 that is so weird. sounds to me like he def is not over her
Trialbyfire Posted November 3, 2008 Posted November 3, 2008 People who aren't over their exes are one great, big mind-frack, for anyone dating them. +another 1 for RUNNNNNNNN!!
Author Lishy Posted November 4, 2008 Author Posted November 4, 2008 It is a shame and I hope we are all wrong because he seems like a nice guy and my friend has been single for years as she never meets anyone she likes enough and she likes him!
CommitmentPhobe Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 lol interesting first date, " and here's a pix of my ex"... sorry but what a muppet
Author Lishy Posted November 4, 2008 Author Posted November 4, 2008 Hahha CP, it wasnt quite like that - He was talking about his ex and how awful she is and my friend asked her what she looked like as she lives local and then he showed her a pic on his phone
Kamille Posted November 4, 2008 Posted November 4, 2008 It is a shame and I hope we are all wrong because he seems like a nice guy and my friend has been single for years as she never meets anyone she likes enough and she likes him! Here's hoping we're all wrong... I do have a friend who almost dumped a guy because he talkes too much about his ex on the first date. Three years later they're still together.
trueblue72ny Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 ya i def would not be speaking about my ex to my new date.... i agree what everyone else here says ...he still has feelings for the ex. doesnt mean he cant move on with the new one... tho i would just be nervous down the road the ex contacts him... i guess its taking a chance....
marlena Posted November 5, 2008 Posted November 5, 2008 Lishy, He's still hung up on her. If your friend decides to go ahead with this, she should at least do it with eyes wide open.
Author Lishy Posted November 5, 2008 Author Posted November 5, 2008 I have told her how I feel and she has agreed that she needs to tread carefully I am glad she sees it too
Mary3 Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 People who aren't over their exes are one great, big mind-frack, for anyone dating them. +another 1 for RUNNNNNNNN!! Oh HECK YEA ! Heed advice ! HUGE RED flags flying here ! RUN like you never ran before ! THe baggage he's carrying would cost $150 at the airport
Author Lishy Posted November 6, 2008 Author Posted November 6, 2008 HAhhahahha Mary That was funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mary3 Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 HAhhahahha Mary That was funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hey Lishy ! Thanks...
Author Lishy Posted November 9, 2008 Author Posted November 9, 2008 He is now telling her he loves her! They have been dating a week!
Star Gazer Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 Holy cow. Yeah, this guy is most definitely not over his ex. I'm not sure how your friend could think otherwise!
BikerBeagle Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 He is now telling her he loves her! They have been dating a week! That's the way it is with rebounds. They are generally very intense, very short-lived relationships.
Trialbyfire Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 That's the way it is with rebounds. They are generally very intense, very short-lived relationships. IMO, I agree. There's emotional transference from the ex to the new fixation, as if it's a continuation of the original relationship, to fix old wrongs be it a way to sit in the perceived power seat or a way to slowly wean themselves off. No matter what, it never addresses the original coping/breakup issues.
Capricciosa Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 Isn't there some formula as to how long it takes someone to get over an old relationship (barring extreme circumtances), something like three to one? Three months for every year together? If anyone knows the actual numbers here, please post...
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